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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

346 replies

Stovetopespresso · 30/03/2021 20:00

Biscuit it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated
OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 30/03/2021 21:14

@Horehound although I take that back having seen horehound's - that's lovely.

AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN · 30/03/2021 21:14

I had a boyfriend who I made stop wearing his signet ring, no because it was a sign of patriarchal privilege but because it looked shit. So, you’ve got my backing, whatever reason you give, just because they look terrible.

Horehound · 30/03/2021 21:16

Or are we talking like thicker gold band style black stone type thing?

Joysexrenovation · 30/03/2021 21:16

This thread is exhausting! Basically her DH is ostentatiously displaying his family crest. Forget the ring. Does nobody think it a bit odd that he wants to display his family crest? Not a touch dated, perhaps?

reprehensibleme · 30/03/2021 21:17

Say, what?

HelpMeh · 30/03/2021 21:18

@ZenNudist

First I've heard of it. Signet rings remind me of Elizabeth Duke (argos jewellery for those who are too toffy Grin)

It's fine no one thinks its some kind of privilege. Maybe they did in the 1900s but not now. It's just a ring.

😂 Same. For me, signet and sovereign rings will always be Elizabeth Duke's finest. They were a page or two away from the 9ct gold clown pendants and MUM rings...
diwrnachoflleyn · 30/03/2021 21:19

@Joysexrenovation

This thread is exhausting! Basically her DH is ostentatiously displaying his family crest. Forget the ring. Does nobody think it a bit odd that he wants to display his family crest? Not a touch dated, perhaps?
No, not odd or dated at all.
Horehound · 30/03/2021 21:19

Hehe don't worry @BrilliantBetty everyone has their likes and dislikes :)

I think there is quite a range of types of signet ring. Just googling there and I didn't realise quite how big some can be or really the historical symbols behind them. I was given a signet ring when I was about 10 with my initials on and when mum told me it was a signet ring I've just always thought that's what they are... A ring with your initials on. Now I wouldn't even say they are really to my taste and God knows where my one is but when I found my grans j just really liked it and felt closer to her wearing it :)

Bluntpencil · 30/03/2021 21:20

This is an old money, tradition thing. I don’t that you are suited to this man long term

Horehound · 30/03/2021 21:20

@Joysexrenovation

This thread is exhausting! Basically her DH is ostentatiously displaying his family crest. Forget the ring. Does nobody think it a bit odd that he wants to display his family crest? Not a touch dated, perhaps?
Well surely that's up to him?
VelvetTrews · 30/03/2021 21:20

90% of posters clearly have no idea what a signet ring is. I see what you mean OP. Think you were right to voice your opinion but ultimately up to your DH.

Hoolihan · 30/03/2021 21:22

Love all the people who are mistaking signet rings for Elizabeth Duke sovereign rings. 😂

OP I think you have a point. I work with a lot of old money/titled types and most of the men (particularly the older ones) wear a signet. I do think it's one of those 'signs' that us mortals often don't notice but that make sense to a certain milieu. And they does have connotations of (unearned!) privilege imo.

CallforHecate · 30/03/2021 21:23

@Joysexrenovation nobody cares whether the crest on a bloke’s signet ring is 800 years old or bought off the internet yesterday. Nobody looks at them closely enough to tell. Yes you can spot old gold and all that but really, he could have bought it in a shop. Nobody cares. Signet rings are ten a penny these days, old or new. It doesn’t say anything to anyone about your incredibly devastating poshness.

Joysexrenovation · 30/03/2021 21:24

Of course it's up to him! The point is that people are misunderstanding what the bloody thing is!

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 30/03/2021 21:24

I am pretty left-wing but you were chippy and insensitive and I’m not surprised he was hurt.

nanbread · 30/03/2021 21:24

I think you're overthinking it tbh.

The type of people you're talking about are usually well connected, privately educated, culturally educated and wealthy - and they benefit from the privileges that brings, whether they wear a signet or not.

A bit of gold on their pinky won't make much difference.

As this thread shows, most people won't know the significance, and most who do won't care.

And if you're bothered by that kind of privilege, well, you did marry into it..

Bluntpencil · 30/03/2021 21:25

We shouldn’t deny history otherwise we will repeat it

PferdeMerde · 30/03/2021 21:26

Ffs

Ltb then if you’re just going to whinge about nonsensical shite

PlumsInTheIcebox · 30/03/2021 21:26

Is this a Crazy Rich Asians type situation where you’ve only just realised that you are married to a man with money?

Or might you have enjoyed one or two of the trappings of the inherited wealth and status along the way?

knocke · 30/03/2021 21:27

I think a lot of posters are confusing the OPs type with other ones.

Original poster
Stovetopespresso · 30/03/2021 21:27

inherited beautiful things are fine I'm not allowed to say why this is different unfortunately without getting eaten alive

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 30/03/2021 21:28

Lots of these responses are people either misunderstanding what a signet ring like the one you describe is, or misunderstanding why that’s a crass thing to be advertising in this day and age (particularly entertained by the idea that his ancestor might have ‘worked hard’ to buy it).

I would be mortified by it, OP, but I’d also have been mortified to ever go within ten feet of him so not sure what to advise.

Recycledblonde · 30/03/2021 21:29

I wear my grandmothers wedding ring, I have her name as does my daughter who will inherit the ring when I die. Does it make it acceptable that my family were working class? 🙄

bongsuhan · 30/03/2021 21:30

Does he wear red trousers to go with the ring?

I bet there are lots of signet rings here:

lookatmyfuckingredtrousers.blogspot.com/

Completly agree with your view but YareonlyNBU if you leave him to it now. Just a difference in taste.

SmileSmile

diwrnachoflleyn · 30/03/2021 21:30

I have several antique rings, including as an engagement ring, a 15ct mourning brooch, an antique luckenbooth brooch. Should probably go flog myself.