Argument with husband over using public.toilets

[Mother40]

My husband has been very cautious during the pandemic (I have been cautious but I think he has been over the top). I do avoid using public toilets unless necessary, and would often go behind a busy on a walk rather than use them right now. However, it is my.period right now, so would obviously not want to go behind a bush. In the car I mentioned I might have to use the public toilets. My husband said I should.have.said this before.we.went, and should not be going a walk if I had to use the toilets. This turned into a huge argument and we ended up.only doing half the walk. I feel really angry that he would.cause a big argument over something so silly. I'm sure most people would.use public toilets right now if they had to but he is making me.feel like I'm totally In the wrong and like with most argument we.have will not back down.

You’re not 5 years old, so:

• he doesn’t get to decide where you go to the toilet
• he certainly doesn’t get to pull the, “why didn’t you go before you came out” line, which again - is for 5 year olds

Your husband is being ridiculously over the top. Is he suffering from anxiety caused by the pandemic? He wouldn’t be the only person acting irrationally because if it.

Read that back. You are letting someone dictate when and where you can use the toilet. Why?

Yes that is totally over the top of him. Why did you back down and only do half a walk? Are any of you clinically vulnerable or have a genuine medical reason for being ultra cautious?

He’s being an idiot

He’s being ridiculous, if you need to use a toilet that’s your decision as an adult, it’s not for him to decide, how bizarre

He doesn't get a say in this. Why would you even give him the chance to have an opinion on it? He can shut up.

I didn't back down and only do half the walk. He turned round and as we were in the same.car there was no persuading him to.stop (something he has done in.the past).

Well what would he do? Stand in the doorway and block it? What would happen if he needed an urgent poo?

He is being irrational , there is something else in his head beyond you needed to use a public toilet. Is he this worried about other places like supermarkets or hospitals.

Does he really think you'd catch covid in the toilets?
They are not a hotbed of infection!

He would have driven off without you if you hadn't walked back with him? He sounds like an awful person.

Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

How does he think the virus is getting transmitted?

Personally, when I use a public loo, I'm not generally within 2m of other people for prolonged periods or being breathed or coughed on. I can't speak for others.

He needs to update himself over what is actually a risk and let you go to the loo in peace.

He doesn't have a reason.to be over cautious. I may have a slight reason.as recently.found.out.am borderline diabetes.(now had the jab) but he acted like this before I knew that so that is not.the reason.

Just seen you update about him doing similar things in the past.

So it’s not an issue with toilets , it’s an issue about control.

Big red flag. I would write down all the other instances, not necessarily to post on here, as seeing them in black and white might give you cause to think about the dynamics of your relationship, whether it is equal, whether what happens is often decided for you, whether you have any responsibility and decision making and voice.

My husband wouldn't use them and is not happy with us using them. When I am out without him of.course I use the. And just wash my hands/antibac after.

I do know what my husband is like and choose which battles I will have. Equally he knows what I am like so doesn't ask me.directly if I have done something he doesn't like......

In your situation I can see both sides....but I would be annoyed if that had happened.

Unless you are planning on crowding into the toilet with a bunch of strangers, he is being ridiculous.

He has read up a lot about it, so I know.there is a.small chance.you.could catch it in a toilet, but this is not.a.way to live if you can't go anywhere you would.need to use the toilet!

Sounds more like a control thing and he doesn't care if you are uncomfortable.

Use the toilet. Use hand sanitiser. No problem.

He is bvu. And hugely controlling. He shouldn't be dictating when and where you use the toilet, nor threatening to ditch you if you fail to comply with his demands.

How ridiculous - just go for walks on your own in future, I couldn't bear to be with someone who tried to control my toilet usage.

I everyone just going to ignore the peeing behind a bush thing? That’s one of the strangest things I’ve heard

It would not be argument here if I need the toilet I just go would not even engage none of his business
Totally batshit anyway I have used plenty of public toilets I wash my hands properly and tend not to lick the walls or toilet seat
We are opening up the country soon what is he going to do then stay in permanently

It sounds like he’s extremely anxious, and many people are. He doesn’t need to have any health conditions or vulnerabilities to feel this way. However, his way of dealing with it is unacceptable.

If this is only about public toilets and nothing else maybe it’s something you can shrug off. But if he’s this controlling about other things I’d call that a red flag.