Argument with husband over using public.toilets

[Mother40]

My husband has been very cautious during the pandemic (I have been cautious but I think he has been over the top). I do avoid using public toilets unless necessary, and would often go behind a busy on a walk rather than use them right now. However, it is my.period right now, so would obviously not want to go behind a bush. In the car I mentioned I might have to use the public toilets. My husband said I should.have.said this before.we.went, and should not be going a walk if I had to use the toilets. This turned into a huge argument and we ended up.only doing half the walk. I feel really angry that he would.cause a big argument over something so silly. I'm sure most people would.use public toilets right now if they had to but he is making me.feel like I'm totally In the wrong and like with most argument we.have will not back down.

I agree.that they might be.a.slight risk, and would.only be using.them.right now if necessary, but I think it's a really small risk and worth it.not to put your life on.total hold.

Oh good lord seriously I know some people have totally lost it now .
Honestly per Covid did he worry about going to public toilets no so stop this it’s irrational.
He is bu !!

It seems an odd thing over which to have an argument. If you need a lavatory, you need one. End of.

I hate going for a walk where I know there isn't a toilet !, I'd never go
Anywhere if I couldn't use a toilet, my husband laughs at me I'm so bad now ! I've had a few wilderness wees but always seem to manage to pee on my shoes

He didn't worry.about public toilets before covid, although has always.been a bit obsessed with being.ultra hygienic ie.using gel even if has already washed hands of being very.cautious if it is norovirus season.

I've used them all through Covid, used the ones in the bus station the other week of all places. Wiped the seat with my anti-cbacterial wiped, washed my hands and finished off with sanitiser.

he's nuts

I've heard it all now.
Tell him its your bladder, it's your period, Your own bodily functions & he doesn't get to decide when, how or where your bodily functions need attention
That would be a big "Fuck Off" from me

Covid has given controlling people more ammunition.

What a prick

Wow. This is awful OP! How horrible does he have to be to say no to a toilet use? Wtf is wrong with him? In no way does any man dictate when I need the toilet, what an arsehole.

I think now is the time you stop telling your husband about your toilet visits, past or future. By sharing this information with him he seems to have mistakenly inferred he gets an opinion.

If I need the loo I just go when I see them and say ‘just nipping for a wee’ or something. It’s not a conversation starter inviting my husband to discuss it. And if I go when I’m not with him I don’t share that either.

I’d also not have gone back to the car with him. I’ve won a game of chicken with the Turkish police and risked 2 nights in a Turkish prison, I’d not be backing down for this amateur level walking off to the car shit.

@hannayeah

Covid has given controlling people more ammunition.

So true

In future, keep a taxi number and your door key, bank card or money with you whenever you go out in the car. That way you can get yourself home without him. He needs to learn that you are an independent adult, separate from him and with your own autonomy.

What if you are out on a walk, and find you have a case of the galloping trots ? You can’t crap behind a bush.

When did this controlling behaviour start to be acceptable to you? When did his needs start coming before yours ? Do you often argue if you do something that doesn’t fit within his rules ?

COVID or not, he has no right to tell you what toilet to use.. no right to an argument .. no right to storm off .. no right to ruin your walk. Ask yourself ... Is this the life you want to live?

You are an adult, and as such, allowed to make all the decisions about how you behave.

I'd be tempted to discreetly remove a tampon in the car and then hand it to him with a sweet smile to get rid of. Idiot!!!

Do you drive OP?

Would the DH rather you wet yourself and then got into his car and wet the seat?
When you got to go, you got to go

Your choice whether to use the toilet wherever you go. He's a dick.

Having a period wouldn't stop me going al fresco tho! Wet wipes out a bottle of water to clean your hands, bag for san pro.

@growinggreyer
Exactly - you need 'fuck you' money in your purse at all times. And if you can't afford cab fares, well, he'll be eating beans on toast or toast without beans for the rest of the week.
I haven't asked permission to use the lavatory since I was in primary school!

Why would you piss behind the bush rather than use a perfectly good toilet? Does no one think that that’s completely odd? You’re not a dog.

What a complete dickead. Presumably he's perfectly fine with your female body when he wants to get laid. But not when it's doing a perfectly normal thing involving use of a toilet

Fwiw I think its pretty gross to not use a toilet if one is available. No one wants to go for nice walks and be confronted with men pissing in.bushes.

Its one thing when it's an emergency , you have small children and you are miles from from nearest facility. But when they are available normal hygiene procedures like using a toilet and washing hands should be practiced. Although ill.probably get flamed for that opinion.

How dare he control where you pee, and whether or not you participate in activities based on your menstrual cycle.

This is ridiculous. I'm on the shielding list and use public toilets and public transport. It's mainly older women, who are at risk I see using public toilets. But it's the controlling behaviour that's the issue. He isn't in charge and even if he was doesn't have the right to get angry and cause a big argument. That needs addressing.

Don't back down OP

Though honestly I don't know why you want to live with someone like this

OP, in all seriousness, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who behave like this?

Unless he or you are clinically vulnerable, he is being weird