Argument with husband over using public.toilets

[Mother40]

My husband has been very cautious during the pandemic (I have been cautious but I think he has been over the top). I do avoid using public toilets unless necessary, and would often go behind a busy on a walk rather than use them right now. However, it is my.period right now, so would obviously not want to go behind a bush. In the car I mentioned I might have to use the public toilets. My husband said I should.have.said this before.we.went, and should not be going a walk if I had to use the toilets. This turned into a huge argument and we ended up.only doing half the walk. I feel really angry that he would.cause a big argument over something so silly. I'm sure most people would.use public toilets right now if they had to but he is making me.feel like I'm totally In the wrong and like with most argument we.have will not back down.

tbh, this reminds me of how kids' playgrounds got closed for 3 months in Lockdown 1.0. Meanwhile, 50' away are railings, branches, mud puddles, park benches... that kids could & do climb all over & jump & touch. Dog bins, park gates, stiles. But covid germs only live on painted playground equipment. Not on all the other things kids & people might touch outside.

@Veterinari
Your opinion is not fact.
Your opinion is quite clearly scaremongering bollocks.

My opinion is an opinion, yes.
It isn't scaremongering to have a different opinion.
I don't attack people for holding different opinions to me.
You have been really aggressive and I don't think it is necessary.

@MacDuffsMuff

I just think it is pretty likely there will be some transmission in public toilets.

Why though @Doyoumindfisithere? How close are you going to get to anyone else in a public toilet? If you're worried about surfaces, surely you would wash your hands properly after using the toilet CoVID or no CoVID. You could even sanitise your hands again when you get outside.

Close contact is of course the main route but as covid is airborne that is also a potential transmission route. From the start many scientists were arguing for the airborne transmission aspect to be taken more seriously.

This tweet has a video to explain aerosols twitter.com/trishgreenhalgh/status/1375861132154572803

I don't think going to a loo is as bad as going to a pub for a nice long chat. But I wouldn't personally want to go into cubicle straight after someone else much more than I would want to give a stranger a hug just now.

I can't get over you preferring to go behind a bush. I'd prefer a loo 1000%, covid or no covid. The only exception would be if the loo was absolutely filthy, and by MN standards I'm a domestic slattern, so that would mean blocked and/or totally covered in poo.

Had to go to Tesco's today. Also needed the loo even though I did go before I left the house. waterworks up the left atm

It was fine

" unlike the countries who have dealt with Covid more effectively."

So find evidence from those countries if you're so convinced it's out there.

"It is disingenuous to complain about it being hypothetical - in the UK with our test and trace, how would you get evidence of where someone caught it?

We only have the theory to go on."

Theory is not enough to be telling people not to use public toilets.
They've measured how long coronavirus stays on surfaces in labs, but now say that surface transmission isn't a big issue in real life.

Christ, how do you manage to have any respect for such a ridiculous specimen?

Yes, there’s a risk you could catch COVID in a public loo.

That’s why you wear a mask, wash your hands for a minimum of 20 seconds, and if you’re especially paranoid, throw on some hand sanitiser, as well.

Not using a loo when you have your period is simply not an option.

As for going behind a bush when you’re out walking - unless there actually isn’t a loo around for miles and you’re about to wet yourself, just no. Use the facilities.

"Close contact is of course the main route but as covid is airborne that is also a potential transmission route."

Close contact includes things like being in the same room as someone, it doesn't mean touching necessarily so I don't see it as being something different to 'airborne transmission'. What I've read states that sharing the same air as people for a sustained amount of time is what is most risky e.g. at work, at home, at school.

@Mother40 How do you feel now about what he did? I would find it really demeaning. Being able to deal with your period as best you can is so crucial to dignity etc.

Controlling freak.

God, I'd be booking a fuck you train ticket to London for a days shopping on the 12th.

What are you going to do about it?

This is so weird. I do generally avoid public toilets, not because of covid, but because they're often filthy. That said if I had to use them or if DH had to use them there wouldn't be a discussion.

Concerning that your children are copying him. They might themselves start to feel worried about using public toilets.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Close contact is of course the main route but as covid is airborne that is also a potential transmission route."

Close contact includes things like being in the same room as someone, it doesn't mean touching necessarily so I don't see it as being something different to 'airborne transmission'. What I've read states that sharing the same air as people for a sustained amount of time is what is most risky e.g. at work, at home, at school.

Close contact and airborne are not the same thing, however you personally choose to see it they are distinct.

Sheesh, what a prat. I'm sorry but he is and needs to get his head out of his own proverbial.

I don't immediately jump to control alarm bells here (although if there is anything else in his behaviour that suggests controlling traits you need to deal with it one way or another) but I do think he's one of the Overly-Paranoid Covid Lot.

I would be taking him to task for talking to me like that, if he'd like to share his concerns then he should do so respectfully and out of earshot from the children (or anyone else). In fact, id probably read him the riot act.

You are an autonomous adult and he needs to respect you as such, he does not get to make decisions about your toileting habits. He may complain if you are in the habit of leaving the bathroom in an unsightly state but I think its unlikely that you do.

Now I think about it I'm reminded of an ex so will echo previous concerns about controlling behaviour.

Nip it in the bud and tell him to button it.

@raffle

I everyone just going to ignore the peeing behind a bush thing? That’s one of the strangest things I’ve heard

Very sorry, haven’t RTFT but if I saw someone pissing in a bush near a public loo I’d be making the Mumsnet face so hard my face broke. Also your husband is being ridiculous.

[quote Doyoumindfisithere]@Veterinari
Your opinion is not fact.
Your opinion is quite clearly scaremongering bollocks.

My opinion is an opinion, yes.
It isn't scaremongering to have a different opinion.
I don't attack people for holding different opinions to me.
You have been really aggressive and I don't think it is necessary.[/quote]
@Doyoumindfisithere
I don't think it's necessary to present your opinion based on absolutely no evidence, as fact in order to play into the anxieties of others.
In fact I think that's a really unkind and irresponsible thing to do.

You're so determined to be 'right' that you refuse to concede that actually you've just made stuff up and then denied that it is simply just your opinion in an effort to be 'right'

In actual fact it is not thought that a significant number of people have caught coronavirus in public toilets by anyone but you.
You've made it up, then denied it was just your opinion, and tried to cover up your lies by accusing me of being angry and aggressive for simply questioning you

I'd suggest that if you don't like being called out, then you should stop making up scaremongering nonsense, and making false claims that the Welsh gov support your lies when they don't. You could quite simply have admitted that statement was just your opinion and not fact when I asked you that question at 15.19 yesterday.
Why spend hours insisting that it wasn't just your opinion when it's quite clearly nonsense that you've made up?

It's very strange behaviour to make up lies about coronavirus transmission, present then as fact, deny those lies are just your opinion and claim the government supports them, then call others names when they point out that that you're spreading misinformation. 

Op, was he controlling before? Is he using the pandemic as an excuse to be even more controlling?

Controlling people are also often highly anxious (not that I am condoning their behaviour) and with the higher levels of stress that the pandemic has brought, he may be struggling to feel in control and so is working harder to control you. I have seen this a few times.

But still an absolute twat for this nonetheless.

@Veterinari It makes sense that Covid spreads in small, confined, unventilated spaces like public toilets. It's scientifically feasible. Probably low-rise, but feasible.

If you don't believe that and/or don't care that's fine, but it's not irresponsible to state that they are probably carry a low risk of infection because it's true.

The pandemic has made people incredibly strange: the gov and media has done a good job at making people irrational, afraid, paranoid and unreasonable

It's just a toilet. The bogey man won't hey you. Presumably you wash your hands after

[quote whatswithtodaytoday]@Veterinari It makes sense that Covid spreads in small, confined, unventilated spaces like public toilets. It's scientifically feasible. Probably low-rise, but feasible.

If you don't believe that and/or don't care that's fine, but it's not irresponsible to state that they are probably carry a low risk of infection because it's true.[/quote]
I agree @whatswithtodaytoday
However since that's not what was said I'm unsure of the relevance?
It's also worth noting that no transmission has been demonstrated scientifically (see links I posted earlier)

My point is that claiming that a significant number of people have caught coronavirus this way, that this claim is backed up by the Welsh gov, and that this is not simply a posters opinion, is bollocks.
And spreading false information and insisting it is not merely your own opinion helps no one.

@Mix56

I've heard it all now. Tell him its your bladder, it's your period, Your own bodily functions & he doesn't get to decide when, how or where your bodily functions need attention That would be a big "Fuck Off" from me

This.

He is abusive and I’d not be living like that.

I hope your children don’t mention in school that their father won’t let you access basic hygiene facilities. That will raise all sorts of red flags as they will be worried he's doing the same to the children.

Does he allow your children to use the toilet when they need to or does he stop them going too when he wants to punish them ?

How else does he punish you when you have not obeyed him?

Are their other times when you are not allowed to drink or just when you are out walking for 8 miles ?

What other normal things are you and the children not allowed to do because of his “ anxiety “?

It's also worth noting that no transmission has been demonstrated scientifically

I think this is what drives me to feel so frustrated. There is almost no transmission that has been demonstrated scientifically, because we just don't have that tracing happening - we are focused on the bigger risks and especially in the UK have very weak tracing. So when people say there is no evidence - this is not an argument dismantling with what I am suggesting, it is just a way of shutting it down.

We can't demonstrate categorically that people were getting it in cafes during EOTHO, we just know they were because there were people inside talking, spraying spit, inhaling air and we know these are ways it spreads.

I know a person would die if they went to the moon without breathing equipment. I don't have to see it to know it is true.

The WHO has been very reluctant to categorise Covid as airborne. The UK governent is also keen not to focus on this. Doing so has policy implications (costs!) and behaviour implications. But the subtle move to talk about 'ventilation' is about the airborne risk.