To think boarding school is cruel?

[MinnieMous3]

I really can’t understand why anyone would send a child under 16 to boarding school (unless, say, they had such challenging behaviour the family could no longer manage it).

I feel like even if the child enjoys it, it won’t sit right with them in future that their parents were happy to optionally spend so little time with them.

There were also a lot of interesting posts on the previous thread from partners of people who went to boarding school, and how it impacts their lives today.

I went to boarding school from 11 and absolutely loved every minute of it

Just wrote a post on previous saying I agree. The abandonment will have a lasting impact. And explains some emotional issues with adults I know.

Yabu. Boarding school is not inherently cruel. I didn't go to one and don't plan send my children to one (we can't afford to) but went to a school that had boarding. I always wanted to be a boarder tbh. I also know a number choristers whose entire career exists because of boarding school.

I posted on your previous thread. Forces family, went to boarding school aged 8. Loved it, as did all my friends. I thank my parents for the sacrifice they made to ensure I had a stable upbringing and amazing education. I have an excellent relationship with them, as do all my school friends with their parents. We are all happily married with kids and great careers. It was probably most cruel on my mum, who really wanted to keep me at home a while longer (but I pestered constantly to join my older brother and sister at school as they had so much fun).

There are exceptional circumstances where it might be for the best but in general I agree.

🍪

DH is in the Army. DDs will shortly start their fourth Primary School. They are Yr3&5.
Lots of Military children go to Boarding School for secondary so they don't have to change schools constantly. We've gone for the other option... DH will be weekly commuting. But other people chose to keep the family together by choosing Boarding School. Neither option is perfect. Both our compromises.

And no... Its not easy to just leave the Army. DH can't for another seven years....

I always thought it looked really fun like the worst witch In reality I would have hated it as I was a wimp at staying away from my family!

Evening everyone - we're just bobbing on here to say that we understand why folk want to discuss this subject but we will delete reference to any other threads on the site, including the previous thread started by the OP.

The only way we can allow this thread to remain standing is if there is no reference to other threads, past or present. Thanks.

my 2DC went to boarding schools from 7 1/2 to 17. They loved it, they are now in their 30's and are very happy we sent them. They were not challenging and we all had a great time together during the holidays. We are all still really close. You are talking garbage, or are you just jealous you can't afford to give your children the best education?

is what I meant, rather than the cookie! 🤣

My uncle was sent away to boarding school when he was around 6/7. Royally f**ked him up.

I reckon it's definitely not right for every child

I went from when I was 9 to 18 and loved it. I'm still and always have been very close with my family. It wasn't my parents idea I literally begged them to send me

@osprey24

my 2DC went to boarding schools from 7 1/2 to 17. They loved it, they are now in their 30's and are very happy we sent them. They were not challenging and we all had a great time together during the holidays. We are all still really close. You are talking garbage, or are you just jealous you can't afford to give your children the best education?

You can’t put a price on time with your kids. They grow up too fast.

My Mum and Aunt went to Boarding school... They loved in the Hebrides. Until they were 10 they attended the local school which had less than 20 pupils. My mother was the only child in her year.

Let's try again...

YANBU. My heart breaks for younger kids at boarding school. I couldn't do it to a young child for so many reasons. Yes, some "survive" the experience and that's what I think they do - survive with fewer scratches than others.

My dc1 went to boarding school aged 13 and loves it... Comes home most weekends but sometimes wants to stay at school with friends.
Dc2 now 13 has boarded since covid as the logistics on getting them to school at the demanded time doesnt fit with my work (single parent). They are old enough to realise that this is the sensible option and they seem content enough with weekly boarding.

Yawn... my post was deleted...

I said that I went at 11yo, and although there were happy times... I have been left with some strong abandonment issues. I've had to have quite a bit of counselling to work through some of it.

I would always implore parents to think through all options, and that the right place, if at all possible is to keep kids with parents. I think the damage for some manifests in people's 30s and 40s so be aware that children who waltz out of boarding school aged 18, all dewy eyed and fresh faced, may have issues later down the line because of the way they've been schooled.

Depends on the home life. I taught in a boarding school, and many of the kids thrived there. I also taught in day schools, and there have been many kids that have such miserable home lives that I'd honestly wish they were in boarding to have some of the care, stability and attention, and opportunities, that boarding schools give.

I think unless you've seen boarding schools from the inside then it's very hard to understand it. But they're not all draconian, cold, heartless places like in kids books. They are, or can be, incredibly nurturing places. We had boarders from 4 years old, for various reasons, and it wasn't that they were shoved in a cold, huge dorm with rough grey blankets and hundreds of other neglected children. Some shouldn't have been there, imo, and others really thrived. It's about the individual child and the specifics of the school.

I wouldn't put my own kids into boarding, but I would never say it's an out and out bad thing.

Were you keen on going at the time, @mildlymiffed?

I went to boarding school from 11 and loved it.

It enabled me to compete at a high level in a sport I loved, and I really enjoyed the calm schedule of the boarding house compared to my chaotic, harried and disorganised mother.

My boarding house had amazing facilities (huge garden, pool table, pet rabbits etc) which we didn’t have at home, and when I got married aged 30, 3 of my 4 bridesmaids were friends I had made from boarding. You really form amazing bonds, more like sisters than classmates.

It’s not for everyone at all but i have no doubt my teenage years were FAR better being in boarding school than they could ever have been living at home full time.

The bigger question is whether my parents should have had 4 kids and then need boarding school in order for me to get the level of attention I needed.

Personally, I’m far more against big families than I am against boarding
DH and I are both one of 4, and that’s don’t more ‘damage’ to us than any school could have done

Interesting. ...most MN threads are quite anti boarding school. This time, it seems more positive

My parents both went to boarding school. Mum loved it. Dad didn't. Horses for courses, perhaps, but there is a school of thought that some children who go to boarding school have similar attachment issues to children who grow up in care

That said, if a child clearly loves it there, is genuinely happy and doing well psychologically, then no complaints. However, more often than not, what you'll find are children who've resigned to their fate as usual. They may appear to be alright on the surface but are just getting on with it.