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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

294 replies

Estasala · 27/03/2021 02:56

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

OP posts:
Doona · 27/03/2021 02:58

Yes, you need to worry about it!

Ploughingthrough · 27/03/2021 03:09

Depends how you would feel about a 3rd! If a 3rd wouldn't be end if the world then dont bother with contraception. If it would be a disaster then save yourself the heartache of an abortion or an unwanted child and use contraception. Plenty if people fall pregnant at your age.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 03:11

It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant

Come on, don't be daft. Of course you need to be very, very concerned about contraception at your age. My great grandmother didn't think she had anything to worry about then got pregnant at 49, the baby born when she was 50.

sylbunny · 27/03/2021 03:13

Lol! Very little chance? I got pregnant quicker at 38 than I did at 36. Why on earth would you think there's very little chance?

Marvelwife123 · 27/03/2021 03:26

Just checking you weren’t using breastfeeding as a form of contraception?

Yes I would be worried, if you were on the fence about more children then don’t worry but if you don’t want any more so....

ChocOrange1 · 27/03/2021 03:29

If you would be OK with accidentally having a third child, then it's fine to be lax with contraception.
If you definitely don't want a third then I wouldn't risk it. You just never know.

nolongersurprised · 27/03/2021 03:31

We were actively TTC number 4 at 39, and I had also just stopped breastfeeding number 3. We stopped using contraception around Christmas and I was pregnant by March.

SmokedDuck · 27/03/2021 03:45

@Marvelwife123

Just checking you weren’t using breastfeeding as a form of contraception?

Yes I would be worried, if you were on the fence about more children then don’t worry but if you don’t want any more so....

Breastfeeding can be reliable if you pay attention to the circumstances.

OP - it sounds like you might be less fertile than before, but I think like a pp said, it depends on how you would feel about an unexpected pregnancy. Even with reduced fertility there is a good possibility over the next ten years that you could end up pregnant.

If a vasectomy doesn't appeal, there are other options.

Ginger89 · 27/03/2021 03:52

There is very much a chance of getting pregnant having unprotected sex?? Hmm

Nat6999 · 27/03/2021 04:05

I got pregnant at 44, sadly lost her at 16 weeks, I had separated from my husband, had a new partner, hadn't bothered with contraception for a couple of years before as had been wanting a second child, but hadn't got pregnant so figured I was safe & was pregnant within 2 months of getting with my new partner.

SD1978 · 27/03/2021 04:14

I'm not sure what you're trying to justify. He has working speed, you still have Fallopian tubes that produce eggs- you of course could have a bother child. I understand that it's been difficult for you, and I'm sorry for your losses, but of course you need to think about contraception, or you will potentially become pregnant again. Are you against your husband having the snip (a very minor procedure) because you want the possibility of another?

Unanananana · 27/03/2021 04:28

Withdrawal is not contraception. Anyone who went to school science lessons should understand this.

Why do people rely on such ridiculous methods when there are actual babies involved?? I'm baffled that real, grown up adults believe this is a 'method'.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 04:29

@SD1978

I'm not sure what you're trying to justify. He has working speed, you still have Fallopian tubes that produce eggs- you of course could have a bother child. I understand that it's been difficult for you, and I'm sorry for your losses, but of course you need to think about contraception, or you will potentially become pregnant again. Are you against your husband having the snip (a very minor procedure) because you want the possibility of another?
Thank you. It has been very difficult. I suppose we were beginning to think we wouldn't be able to have another even when trying, so it doesn't feel very likely as time goes on even further. I understand some people are more fertile but on the evidence I think I'm definitely past my prime.

We would use withdrawal, so not totally doing nothing.

Genuinely my concern is DH, who is still suffering a year after another operation that was meant to be "minor". I'm very happy he's willing to do it though.

I can't use hormonal contraception.

OP posts:
Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 04:31

@Unanananana

Withdrawal is not contraception. Anyone who went to school science lessons should understand this.

Why do people rely on such ridiculous methods when there are actual babies involved?? I'm baffled that real, grown up adults believe this is a 'method'.

Well, it has worked so far! No unintended conceptions. I'm aware there is a risk of course, but as time goes on it seems to me a smaller and smaller risk.
OP posts:
Marvelwife123 · 27/03/2021 04:33

@SmokedDuck she states baby is 2 so then I doubt she’s still night feeding, baby is under 6 months old and feeding every 3-4 hours. As a breastfeeding and lactation support I really need to reiterate to anyone reading this is the future....breastfeeding is not a form of contraception.

I know countless women who still believe this and have fallen pregnant. You are also rather fertile after just having a baby.

However sorry OP we are derailing your post...rant over!

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/03/2021 04:34

It sounds like you might want 3 :)

LolaNova · 27/03/2021 04:45

I’ve looks after a lot of pregnant women in their 40s and some in their 50s.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 04:50

@LolaNova

I’ve looks after a lot of pregnant women in their 40s and some in their 50s.
Hmm but surely most would have had IVF etc?

It feels like this is a 5 year issue, max , really.

OP posts:
BlackberrySky · 27/03/2021 04:55

If anything, now is the time to be the most careful you have ever been. You are older, so increased chance of complications with either you or baby if you do get pregnant, plus you already feel your family is complete.

CoalCraft · 27/03/2021 04:55

Eh? Lots of people conceive naturally on their 40s I knew someone who thought she no longer had to worry about contraception... She naturally conceived twins at 44!

Monty27 · 27/03/2021 05:02

FFS you're not 79 OP 🙄

Greygreenblue · 27/03/2021 05:08

Hmm, pretty sure my grandmother didn’t use IVF in the 1940s to have 2 kids in her 40s...

The snip is also very very minor surgery. They don’t even go under a general, just a local and my DH was back at work the next day. You’d have to be in pretty poor shape not to be able to cope with it. What would he do if he needed a filling?

Rainbowqueeen · 27/03/2021 05:09

Yes. You need to use contraception.

LolaNova · 27/03/2021 05:10

@Estasala Lots of natural conceptions!

What you also have to remember is that towards the end of your fertile years your body tends to go into overdrive and chuck out as many eggs as possible. Multiple pregnancies are more common.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 05:38

@Greygreenblue

Hmm, pretty sure my grandmother didn’t use IVF in the 1940s to have 2 kids in her 40s...

The snip is also very very minor surgery. They don’t even go under a general, just a local and my DH was back at work the next day. You’d have to be in pretty poor shape not to be able to cope with it. What would he do if he needed a filling?

It's not that he couldn't cope with it, but it's all about risks isn't it? Some men are back to work the next day, most are fine, but some have ongoing pain and complications. He hasn't said anything about it. He's been to the GP for info etc and it was agreed in principle ok he'll go for it after this other thing was over... and it's just still not over, and he hasn't mentioned the vasectomy it lately.

It's all Risks, risks of surgery, risks of pregnancy, it's difficult weighing it all up.

OP posts:
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