Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

[Estasala]

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

I had 3 of my children at age 27,29 and 32. I fell pregnant very easily with our surprise 4th at age 39!

2% of births are to woman over 40.

And that's in addition to those that conceived but decided to terminate.

You know the old 'your fertility falls of a cliff after 35' message has been found to be outdated?

Obviously the chances of most women getting pg do decline, but it is obvious from reading this thread and many others on MN that a pg after 40 is hardly rare.

Who is we? You and your mates?

No, women over 45. Some are even on this thread talking about contraception, not just "me and my mates".

I guess just the idea that one day I will be too old to have kids but also young enough to still get pregnant is odd and also bloody annoying!

It is annoying. But it's not odd in any way at all. The fact you've not had the imagination to think about it doesn't make it odd. Or strange. It makes you incurious.

Yes know someone who had twins conceived naturally at 48 and a couple of other people who conceived naturally at 47 and 48. So it does happen! Obviously statistically unlikely but it depends on how comfortable you are with taking that chance...

Yes you can become pregnant.
Yes there are multiple options for contraception. The snip does not have to be it.

If he doesn’t want the snip why not go for something else. In another 10 years you might be able to manage with nothing, but it’s a good 10 years or probably 12-14 that you will need to take precautions.

Make sure your DH understands women become pregnant until their very late 40s. Numbers clearly decline the older they get but LOADS are pregnant through choice or. It through choice in early 40s especially,

It only took one time of unprotected sex when I was 39 to get pregnant.

Be very concerned.
I got pregnant "in one shot" at that age.

One shot is all it takes 🤷

@SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun

Lactational amenorrhea is 98% effective - did you question those two women on their baby’s night feeding patterns at the time of conception?

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9678098/

Sorry I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this but when a method is 98% effective it is not nice being judged and told you should be using another less effective method. Condoms are 85% effective in real life use.

Yes, this drives me crazy too.

Even withdrawal offers about 79% efficacy which is not even close to the same as using no contraception as some have suggested.

Some of the effectiveness of the different family planning methods can be pretty good as well, better than condoms.

It sometimes seems like people feel that women are too dumb to give them accurate statistics.

Ridiculous thinking.

A lot of woman have kids in their forties.

Actually in my family every woman has concieved in her forties in all the older generations. And you just had a baby 2 years ago so u ARE fertile.

You're 39 not 59

Of course you could get pregnant and be aware that as you get older there is a higher chance of twins!

Correct withdrawal is 96% effective according to this family planning clinic!

That's per year though. So if you're planning to do it, say, for 8 years, that's about 70% effective. Which means 70% of women would avoid pregnancy over 8 years with this method, 30% would not.

That's assuming perfect performance of the method from the DH. Sounds like you can assume it in your case. I've never trusted a man that much.

I'm on my third copper coil and have heavy periods. It hasn't made them any worse but they're a day longer

A mate thought she was going through the menopause at 49. Turns out she was pregnant. Yes, you need to worry about it. If your dh is happy to get the snip, why would you hesitate? It’s not a hugely invasive op (obviously painful and he needs to speak to a doctor to check it out) but surely better than you throwing hormones down your face?

Well I had my two kids when I was 38 and 39 so I would say you absolutely should be using contraception if you don’t want a third child. It sounds like you are confusing 39 with 49 to be honest and I was still using contraception at 49.

Slightly chuckling at this. This was me. The day before my father's funeral, when I was nearly 40. And I thought, "nah, won't happen, just one time, periods have been all over the place". Don't get me wrong, I love my 3rd baby, but....yes, sort it out

I haven't read the full thread, but have you looked at Natural Cycles? This is an app which is an approved method of contraception now. Keep a record of your daily temperature, and dates of your period. There are really only about 5-7 days per month you're at risk of pregnancy, it tells you when those are and you can abstain / use condoms as required. The rest of the time you don't even need him to withdraw.

@Doona

Correct withdrawal is 96% effective according to this family planning clinic!

That's per year though. So if you're planning to do it, say, for 8 years, that's about 70% effective. Which means 70% of women would avoid pregnancy over 8 years with this method, 30% would not.

That's true of all contraception methods. It's a little startling to realise it, mind you.

@isastillgame

I haven't read the full thread, but have you looked at Natural Cycles? This is an app which is an approved method of contraception now. Keep a record of your daily temperature, and dates of your period. There are really only about 5-7 days per month you're at risk of pregnancy, it tells you when those are and you can abstain / use condoms as required. The rest of the time you don't even need him to withdraw.

If someone wants to take this approach, I'd recommend going a little farther and learning one of the fertility planning methods, like Billings. Or for that matter one of the ones that uses temperature recording - temperature methods aren't great for everyone though, maybe especially someone with a toddler. An app almost does too much for you, it's important with these approaches to understand what you are recording and why and what it means.

It sometimes seems like people feel that women are too dumb to give them accurate statistics.

I think this is a really interesting point. There are other blanket recommendations as well - no alcohol during pregnancy, no co-sleeping where if women have more information and evidence they can make a more nuanced assessment of risk.

This thread has been really interesting for me in learning more about our different perceptions of risks, and the messages about conception and contraception that we are given.

Withdrawal and breast feeding are not reliable forms

@isastillgame

I haven't read the full thread, but have you looked at Natural Cycles? This is an app which is an approved method of contraception now. Keep a record of your daily temperature, and dates of your period. There are really only about 5-7 days per month you're at risk of pregnancy, it tells you when those are and you can abstain / use condoms as required. The rest of the time you don't even need him to withdraw.

Yes, this is another possibility, as I'm pretty aware of signs of ovulation etc from when I was TTC. And within those 5-7 days there are only 2 days that have a really high chance of pregnancy, declining the further from ovulation you are.

However, Mother Nature sees to it that we are more likely to feel like having sex on the most fertile days, so it's complicated!

A relative of mine got pregnant at 46 when she forgot her contraception on an overnight visit. Be warned.