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Original poster

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

294 replies

Estasala · 27/03/2021 02:56

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

OP posts:
JustSleepAlready · 27/03/2021 09:16

Glad withdrawl method has worked for you but it’s really not effective contraception at all. Not recommended anywhere. Why don’t you try a coil? Marena coil can be very effective, little to no side effects. Perhaps talk options over with your gp??

AdaFuckingShelby · 27/03/2021 09:18

In the kindest possible way I'm not sure what you were trying to achieve with this thread OP. Of course there is a risk you will get pregnant. Strangers on the internet giving approval won't take that risk away. You're either ok with the risk or you're not. If you take your eye off the ball and get pregnant when you're 45 what will you do?

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 09:19

@MrsJBaptiste

Whenever I read threads like this, I just can't get my head round the fact that people don't mind using the withdrawal method. Honestly, what fun is that for either partner? Especially the man - surely it can't be 100% enjoyable if you're concentrating on pulling out at the last minute?
Well you see this is the thing - I'd be interested to know what the pregnant-after-withdrawal couples were actually doing. If he's waiting until the last second then maybe there's a chance they're not actually pulling out in time every time. That's not what my DH does. Also I read somewhere that some men release more pre-stuff than others.

I have bought a box of condoms and suggested using them several times but I can only assume from the response that withdrawal is preferable to condoms, for him.

OP posts:
JustSleepAlready · 27/03/2021 09:20

@SmokedDuck

Just to clarify, breastfeeding is NOT AN EFFECTIVE FORM
OF CONTRACEPTION. I hope you’re not teaching any young females that it is. How did some of you women make it this far in life without kids popping out all over the place? Bloody hell...Angry

HideousKinky · 27/03/2021 09:20

If he's willing to have the vasectomy as you say, I'd go with that

Barneybear11 · 27/03/2021 09:22

Of course you can still get pregnant.
As an example Alex Jones has just found herself unexpectedly pregnant at 44.

StCharlotte · 27/03/2021 09:22

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

Said my mother about ten minutes before she conceived me so...

JustSleepAlready · 27/03/2021 09:24

@Estasala

If dh doesn’t want to use condoms, and the withdrawal method is no longer a risk you’re willing to take, then he is putting all the responsibility onto you alone. Is your DH ok with another child? Who will be expected to take on the horses share of the responsibility then?? There’s always the pill, coils, injection and the hated ( don’t even know if they’re still around) femidom!!!

StCharlotte · 27/03/2021 09:25

@Barneybear11

Of course you can still get pregnant. As an example Alex Jones has just found herself unexpectedly pregnant at 44.
Ah, does that explain why they were congratulating her last night on The One Show?

That's nice. I seem to recall she was concerned she might have left it too late to even manage one.

Chocolatepeanuts · 27/03/2021 09:26

If you can't take hormones, don't want DH to have the snip and he doesnt want to use condoms how about the copper coil? Best thing ever for me.

HotShowerNTea · 27/03/2021 09:26

Personally, I’m as worried about contraception in my 40s as I was in my teens, because I absolutely DO NOT want a child at this stage of my life. I’ve got two aunties who had ‘menopause’ babies in their mid-late forties and the idea fills me with dread, so good contraception is extremely important to me.

elizabethdraper · 27/03/2021 09:27

Took me 6 years to have my baby at 39

I am now 46 and haven't bothered with conception since I was 40

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 27/03/2021 09:27

Breastfeeding stops giving any protection once you are no longer feeding through the night and your baby is eating other things (formula / solids) so you have effectively been using no contraception other than withdrawal for at least eighteen months.

If you were to conceive there would be a reasonably high chance of multiples.

BLToutanowhere · 27/03/2021 09:28

If you do it standing up or wearing a crisp packet you'll be ok...

CarrotCakeMuffins · 27/03/2021 09:28

I got pregnant 4 times after 39 and had DS when I was 42 (after 3 mc).
So yes you can definitely get pregnant!

MumofPsuedoAdult · 27/03/2021 09:29

Is this a wind up?

Confusedandshaken · 27/03/2021 09:29

Lol at withdrawal being a means of contraception. My Irish Catholic family of over 100 first cousins tells you all you need to know about the efficacy of "Vatican roulette' as a contraceptive method.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 09:30

Thanks for the recommendations about the copper coil. I will look into that again. Periods are already very heavy so I don't know how I'd cope if they got any heavier! I think that's why I had discounted it in the past. I'd prefer condons personally. Ahh, I need to talk to him again.

OP posts:
CeeJay81 · 27/03/2021 09:32

Can you not take hormonal contraception cause of side effects? What about progesterone only? I felt like I had a constant hang over on the pill. I've been using the depo shot for about 10 years, no side effects at all.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/03/2021 09:32

Nah, ds is just a figment of my imagination.

Ikora · 27/03/2021 09:33

My Mum was 41 when she had me and 45 when she had her last child.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 09:33

@elizabethdraper

Took me 6 years to have my baby at 39

I am now 46 and haven't bothered with conception since I was 40

Thank you for putting the other side of the story! 😁 I was sure I couldn't be the only one.

Thank you also for all the stories of late accidents after difficulties conceiving. I think I probably needed to hear those too.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/03/2021 09:36

You seem more worried about him having a vasectomy than he is OP. Do you know why?

Ninkanink · 27/03/2021 09:36

If your periods are already heavy they likely won’t get much heavier (except maybe the first month or two). I’m on my third copper coil now and have never had any problems or issues, and my periods stabilised pretty quickly.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 09:36

@ApplesPearsAndCrumble

OP- it is ages since I have used them, but is it still possible to get female condoms? I last used them a good 10 years ago. men often like them because it feels more natural to them. My only issue was that they are a faff to put in and they tend to squeak a bit.
This may be a solution then. I will investigate!
OP posts: