Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

[Estasala]

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

[quote LolaNova]@Estasala Lots of natural conceptions!

What you also have to remember is that towards the end of your fertile years your body tends to go into overdrive and chuck out as many eggs as possible. Multiple pregnancies are more common.[/quote]
Gaah, that is a very good point! That would be a disaster.

Definitely, I got pregnant at 41 with DS (happy accident) thought I was safe with new partner age 44 but got pregnant again and had to have a termination. Contraception would have been preferable to that.

“Hmm but surely most would have had IVF etc? It feels like this is a 5 year issue, max , really.”

No, most would not have had IVF.

Is this a joke post OP, did you miss biology at school or are you really that naive?
Talk to your GP - clearly you’re not up to speed with how human bodies work.

The potential risk to a man undergoing the snip is far outweighed by the potential risk to the woman if she were to get pregnant and all of its associated risks.

As long as you don't mind a bonus 🍼🐥

I got pregnant at 42....I kind of thought my fertile days were over, but mother nature had other ideas . Our DS was very much wanted and loved, but bloody hell it was hard work being an older mum. He's now 12 and I'm 53 and I'm mindful that I have to keep fit and healthy so I'm around for his adult years .

I’m sat here looking at my newborn I conceived after a month. I’m 40 in a few weeks.

It’s fine if you wouldn’t mind having another baby. But if you really don’t want another, you would be absolutely mad not to use contraception.

Breastfeeding works if all of the following applies:
Less than 6 months after the birth
Periods not returned
Exclusively breastfeeding including night feeds

Of course the end of that time could be gradual as the baby sleeps longer so hard to judge, but when all three conditions are met it is as effective as other forms of contraception. No method is 100%.

I conceived the first time I had unprotected sex aged 39, and the result is asleep across the hall, approaching his 9th birthday.

@SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun it definitely doesn’t. I know two DCs who were conceived in exactly those circumstances. Women can begin ovulating again without having a period. Plus there is always the first ovulation that occurs before the first period so even if you do bleed each month again you wouldn’t know that the first month until you’ve already ovulated.

Anyway, OP - is there anything medically to make you think that your DH would take a long time to recover from the snip? Ie is there anything shared in common between the minor surgery that he is currently struggling to recover from and the procedure of the snip eg he has long term side effects of allergic reaction to the anaesthetic or whatever? If not then I think your logic is flawed. You’re basically saying “I know the snip is meant to be low risk and men recover quickly, but he has taken ages to recover from another low risk operation so what if it’s the same here?”

Yes there is still a chance but it’s just a game of statistics. The odds are that he would still recover quickly, the fact he has been unlucky with his recent surgery doesn’t mean he will also be unlucky with this one.

You are also failing to take into account the risks of him not getting the snip and any of the following scenarios happening while you are using the withdrawal method:
You getting pregnant and having multiple pregnancy ie twins
Getting pregnant and then needing a TFMR or ectopic and needing surgery
Getting pregnant and having a child with a genetic disorder which often come with health difficulties
Getting pregnant and you suffering from a general complication of pregnancy that affects your health or having to have a c section that has long term side effects

All of the above become more common in your 40s.

Out of interest is there any reason why you can’t just use condoms until after the menopause?

Yes. This is how a relative got pregnant with twins at 39.

I'd been on the pill for 20 years for endometriosis, I got fed up taking it and I was pregnant within 5 months , at 38 .

[quote LolaNova]@Estasala Lots of natural conceptions!

What you also have to remember is that towards the end of your fertile years your body tends to go into overdrive and chuck out as many eggs as possible. Multiple pregnancies are more common.[/quote]
Ha ha, yes. I got pregnant out of the blue at 41 after years and years of infertility.

If your DH is happy to have the snip, let him go for it!

To put it bluntly, it looks like you're trying to have more miscarriages? Is that what you want to spend your 40s doing?

"Withdrawal" is just unprotected sex.

If you'd cope with a 3rd baby then continue with the withdrawal method. But if you are really certain that you don't want anymore then withdrawal method isn't enough.

Why does it need to be a binary choice between the snip or withdrawal? Are there really no other forms of contraception that you could use? Even just condoms?

I got pregnant at 42 after years if infertility and then again at 43 (thinking there was no chance of another baby). You should use contraception. You need to give the whole situation more throught.

Not sure what health issues your DH has that could be exacerbated by a vasectomy.

And it's only a local anaesthetic.

I had to have ivf to have my first child. Secondary infertility with my second child. Never bothered with contraception after that because, same as you, I thought that chances were minimal.
One drunken night later I now have a 3rd child, conceived at 40 years old. It happens. If you don’t want a third, you need to think about contraception!

Lactational amenorrhea is 98% effective - did you question those two women on their baby’s night feeding patterns at the time of conception?

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9678098/

Sorry I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this but when a method is 98% effective it is not nice being judged and told you should be using another less effective method. Condoms are 85% effective in real life use.

I'm sorry to be dense OP but in your shoes (risk of snip, not wanting hormonal contraception) I'd just stick to condoms.

Menopause varies between women, but it's extremely common not to be through it, i.e. still fertile, until mid 50s. I was fortunate that I was able to get tubal ligation on the NHS when I was 40. I gather it's not easy to get that now.

Why can't you use condoms? Like you say, it won't be for long so no need for something as.permanent as the snip.

Cross.post @EssentialHummus I wasn't sure if I was.missing something too!

I know an awaful lot of people who either are or have had a ‘menopause’ baby.I’m a menopause baby...or ‘the surprise’ as I was known by my siblings, the youngest of whom is 8 years older than me.