Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

[Estasala]

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

I'm 48 and use contraception EVERY time.

I went through a phase of being more lax about it, rather that active trying, in my very early 40s when another baby wouldn't have been an unwelcome addition.
Now it would be totally unwelcome, so despite the odds being much lower now I'm much stricter in ensuring it doesn't happen.

If you don't want baby use contraception.

@AliceBlueGown

I got pregnant at 42 after years if infertility and then again at 43 (thinking there was no chance of another baby). You should use contraception. You need to give the whole situation more throught.

Same as my DM when she fell pregnant with me! After having my sibling, she’d been trying to conceive a second time for about ten years. Gave up at 40 and here I am So it’s very possible OP!

I thought I couldn’t conceive naturally, we tried 6 years for DS, had him at 38 after IVF and various other treatments along the way. I had your mindset ended in surprise natural pregnancy at 41, very much wanted DD completed our family. So yes use something unless your ready to welcome another DC!

When I was 15 I learnt at school that “pre ejaculatory fluid” contains sperm. This is released well before climax. And therefore withdrawal isn’t a form of contraception - it’s just unprotected sex.

I supported a friend who relied on this “method”, unsurprisingly got pregnant, and then had a traumatic termination aged 39. The psychological effects continue years later.

44 year old feeding unplanned 11 week old here...get the snip!

Can you not get a copper coil if it is the hormones that are the problem? I cant take hormonal contraception and DH had planned to get the snip after our youngest but it felt a bit to final for me, so I opted for the copper coil, with him planning on the snip if I didn't get on with it. Had it in 18 months or so and other than a couple kf months of slightly heavier periods at the beginning and slight discomfort going in, it has been brilliant

I was infertile throughout my 30s - many years of trying, ivf and miscarriages before I had my daughter at almost 38.

Since then I have gotten pregnant naturally twice at 39 and 40! A total shock to me after using no contraception for a decade. So if I have to worry about it then I think everyone does!

I got pregnant at 40 by accident. I thought we were past it as we had been trying for ages in the years prior. It was a happy accident but it definitely wasn't planned so if you don't want any more babies then your DH should get snip (my husband booked his in the week after we found out I was pregnant).

DH had a vasectomy because we got to a point of that or condoms. I didn’t want to have to have a termination if I got pregnant (my anti-cancer drug causes birth defects).

6 months later I started being peri-menopausal. It was still the right decision.

Why don't you use contraception? So many options available. Condoms would be better than withdrawal surely. Cant be nice for either of you to have to do that every time you have sex, it must impact your sex life in a negative way.

I got pregnant very easily at 39 so I wouldn't be messing round like that.

Someone I know struggled to get pregnant in her 20s & 30s but did have two children.

At the age of 50, and thinking he was menopausal, she became pregnant naturally. It was very traumatic for everyone concerned, especially as the foetus proved to have major deformities.

The chances for you may be small, but they are there. If you are going to take the risk, you need to think through your options for the various possible outcomes.

I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

You could, many do. Some semen is in pre-cum (I'm sure there is a more technical term for that but you know what I mean and it is fact). Women have been becoming pregnant for donkeys' years using coitus interruptus. Of course it is less likely to happen, especially if you have a good swill out afterwards, but it does happen.

Why not buy some spermicidal pessaries if you do not want the usual contraceptives? Or a diaphragm.

Good luck.

I’m 39 and really struggled to get pregnant with my two DC at 34 and 37 (although was lucky to get pregnant naturally both times). I feel exactly like you do, it’s been so hard to get pregnant it’s unimaginable to me that I would get pregnant by mistake. But of course it definitely can happen! I’m rolling the dice as id like a third but if I definitely didn’t I’d be asking my husband if he would consider the snip.

My gran was 47 when my mum arrived as a little surprise, she thought she'd gone through 'the change'...

Yes Definitely!

It took 7 years to have dd1

....I still got pregnant at 40 with ds!

Get the copper coil, no hormones. I used withdrawal when it wouldn’t be an issue, it did work but I wouldn’t rely on it. I’m separated now so not an issue but do have the cool as it lasts 10 years and gives me no problems.

Downside of withdrawal as well is trust me the sex is better for both when you can finish it!

I'm glad to see that it's not just me scratching my head thinking 'Why not just use condoms?!'

We have reached a contraceptive stalemate in our relationship. I'm not going back on the pill because I'm too fat and old for the only one that agrees with me. No one wants to sterilise me because at 40 I'm too young and might regret it. DH refuses to have the snip.

Condoms or "get that thing away from me" it is.

Jeez love yes you do , just because it was difficult to conceive last time it’s not impossible.
I have 2 friends who had children in their 40s not ivf one was planned one wasn’t but it’s definitely not rare anymore. Yes you are less fertile than in your 20’s but come on .
I’d laugh at a teenager using the withdrawal method it really is silly for a 38 year old woman . Comdoms ? Or many many other forms go and make a appointment with your sexual health clinic or your gp .

I think it's very unfortunate the NHS doesn't routinely offer tubal ligation to women who are certain they've completed their families. It seems like a false economy not to do this, but then to have to deal with the cost of all the unplanned later life pregnancies, which are likely to be more complicated.

We had a conversation decades ago with friends who, like us, had two children and had decided they didn't want any more. They were very frank with each other (and then with us) that if anything happened to one of them, or to their relationship, the husband was open to the possibility of having another child in a subsequent relationship, but the woman, well into her 30s and with a good career, wasn't. She therefore decided she would go for tubal ligation (sterilisation) and as this was the early 90s she was able to get it.

I felt very strongly that having had two healthy children but complications in one birth and one pregnancy, I'd be pushing my luck having a third child, and I definitely didn't want to go through the baby and toddler years again in middle age and as I headed towards menopause. That would have been the case no matter what was going on in my relationships. I wanted the total reassurance that I could never become pregnant again. For me, it was a great option.

Yes you should and your DH having offered, you should take it up on the offer he has made.

Apparently an increasing number of abortions are being had by women in their 40s who thought the same as you. We've all been told for years that fertility dives off a cliff at 30 but it's really not true to the extent people believe!

Threads like this make me despair, they really do. How is it possible to be this ignorant about conception and contraception in this day and age?
As others have said. Yes, you do need to use contraception. No, withdrawal is not contraception.

I'm overweight, had my tubes cut and at age 39, fell pregnant with my fourth. So yes, it's very possible to easily get pregnant at the "old" age of 39 🙄

My friend had her second set of twins at 47, her first set were 17, so yes you do need to worry about it.

I had my first at 18, then had secondary infertility and a few miscarriages. I did have two more in my late twenties/early thirties. Was a bit lax with contraception, but like you we would have been happy with another, but didn't get pregnant so thought that was it. Got pregnant at 40, had a traumatic partial miscarriage, then d&c/antibiotics. Statistically you've got less chance of a healthy baby, rather than just getting pregnant, but because women didn't use to talk openly about miscarriages and medical-reason abortions, the pregnancy risk is under calculated.