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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

294 replies

Estasala · 27/03/2021 02:56

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

OP posts:
Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 27/03/2021 08:01

Considering how many Mumsnetters plan to get pregnant at 40+ I wouldn't have thought the OP even needed to ask.
I had a 'surprise' just before my 43rd birthday. I was told it was 'the last fling of the ovary'.

blowinahoolie · 27/03/2021 08:02

Women can be fertile well into their 40s. Also at increased risk of having twins.

Withdrawal indeed!

PerseverancePays · 27/03/2021 08:02

What about using one of those fertility machines? They tell you where you are in your cycle, very helpful when they are irregular, and let you know not to have sex on your fertile days? No chemicals no snip.

Crewtshirt · 27/03/2021 08:03

I had a new 10 year coil fitted last week - the previous one had been in for 12 years Blush. I'm older than you and I asked should i bother. The doctor told me she saw a pregnant 50 year old last week so yes, I very much needed it!

Don't discount the copper coil - hormone free and hassle free really. Some people find their periods heavier but it not been an issue for me.

blowinahoolie · 27/03/2021 08:04

"My great grandmother didn't think she had anything to worry about then got pregnant at 49, the baby born when she was 50."

Shudder

fassbendersmistress · 27/03/2021 08:08

My conception/fertility history sounds similar to yours OP. If you did fall pregnant, the likelihood of having another miscarriage is likely quite high. I would be thinking about the toll of that my and my DHs mental health and the impact of it on the rest of the family. It would strongly influence my decision to do something more than rely on withdrawal method.

Oneweekleft · 27/03/2021 08:11

We use the withdrawal method combined with caya diaprham and gel. I would try that OP if you decide against the snip. Its worked for us for over 2 years and im quite fertile. Neither of us can feel the diaphram during sex. It works great. However as its about 92 percent effective at preventing pregnancy used on its own we combine it with withdrawal method. I got my diaphram fitted at a family planning clinic and it was free. You can buy online though they are 2 different sizes. Then you just need to buy the caya gel which is about £10 a tube and lasts 3 months (it has an expiry date on it). Highly recommend it! Hormone free contraception which feels safe enough.

billy1966 · 27/03/2021 08:14

There is a surge of fertility before menopause.

I know of so many women who have had surprises in there early 40's.

You would be mad to think it fades away.

Flowers
Amrythings · 27/03/2021 08:17

@MoltenLasagne

Apparently an increasing number of abortions are being had by women in their 40s who thought the same as you. We've all been told for years that fertility dives off a cliff at 30 but it's really not true to the extent people believe!
It's a fun intersection of an iffy study and two generations of reasonably available contraception making "the wee late one" much more rare, so the cultural knowledge has sort of vanished.

My mum's friend was herself "the wee late one" and still got caught out at 50!

canary1 · 27/03/2021 08:17

Lots of natural conceptions well into the 40s happen. I assume you - consciously or subconsciously- want another. This would explain obstructing the vasectomy.

Figgygal · 27/03/2021 08:18

Unless you’re happy to have a third
If not and you effectively would use abortion as contraception then yes you need to worry about it

Bumpsadaisie · 27/03/2021 08:19

Definitely!! You need to take care!

I'm asking myself this question now - but I am 47 not 39.

Actually everything is still totally regular for me so I'm assuming it would be possible if unlikely due to decline in egg quality.

jessstan2 · 27/03/2021 08:21

I also wonder why you think you are less fertile. Well I suppose you may be less fertile than you were five years ago but you must know people have babies well into their forties; by comparison you are very young indeed.

Don't take risks!

Wiredforsound · 27/03/2021 08:21

I ended up preggo after one single shag at 39 with a uterus full of fibroids. My little surprise will be 12 next month (and I couldn’t love him more).

Viviennemary · 27/03/2021 08:23

If you don't mind getting pregnant then fine. If you don't want a baby you need to use contraception of some kind.

ApplesPearsAndCrumble · 27/03/2021 08:23

You need to worry! My second was conceived when I was 40. I am 49 now and still take the pill. I cannot (emotionally) afford any accidents.

If you would be happy with an unexpected pg then crack on. If it would eman abortion and you would find that difficult then have contraception!

Ilikeviognier · 27/03/2021 08:24

Absolutely no way on earth would I be risking this OP if I didn’t want more and I’m 42!

39 really isn’t that old for another baby, it’s totally possible.

minniemoocher · 27/03/2021 08:24

Er yes. At 46 my gp said I was still likely fertile so at 39 it's definitely Russian roulette! All depends how much you don't want a third child

inappropriateraspberry · 27/03/2021 08:24

Withdrawal is not contraception. Breastfeeding is not contraception! They may lower the likelihood of conceiving, but will not prevent it like a condom, vasectomy etc.
So many women have children in their early 40s, you are not an old women yet! You are in the prime of life and very likely to get pregnant. You will not have suddenly stopped producing eggs in the last two years. Unless you have signs of the menopause, you may well have another child.

sunnydaleslayer · 27/03/2021 08:24

Yes you do.

My mum had an ectopic pregnancy at 52.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 27/03/2021 08:24

I don’t know, ask my two year old! I’m 41. 🤣

NaToth · 27/03/2021 08:29

At 46 and in a new relationship, I was a bit lax with contraception, until I went for a scan and the sonographer told me I was ovulating!

Conversely, my GP told me I did not need contraception after the age of 50, even though I did not reach menopause until,I was 58!

If you don't want to be pregnant, always use contraception, you know it makes sense.

minniemoocher · 27/03/2021 08:30

@billy1966

Exactly what my gp told me - I told them I was peri menopausal, they gave me a blood test and said no, I wasn't and definitely should use bc because whatever hormones they looked for were still high, similar to levels they would expect in your 20's, I conceived very easily when I had my kids so wasn't taking chances with my then new dp!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/03/2021 08:32

@cptartapp

My friend had her second set of twins at 47, her first set were 17, so yes you do need to worry about it.
Mindboggling. Were the younger twins aunt/uncle to children older than they were? I always struggle to get my head round that.
astuz · 27/03/2021 08:35

agree with other PP, you seem to think that DH having a vasectomy is the only option, but there's also condoms and copper coil.