Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

[Estasala]

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

What about a diaphragm? Easy to use, and hormoneless.

We used a diaphragm with condoms, and he'd withdraw as well for years (we were very nervous after a condom split!).

@SmokedDuck Natural Cycles does use temperature recording, and is an FDA approved app for use as a contraceptive, which is why I mentioned it specifically. I've used it for this purpose before, and it doesn't require fertility expert status - though I'm sure as the OP mentioned charting for TTC she understands enough of the background to see how it works without doing tons of further research.

Yes, temperature recording doesn't suit everyone, but also having to take a pill at the same time every day has its drawbacks too... and this one is hormone free, which is a huge plus 😊

[quote isastillgame]@SmokedDuck Natural Cycles does use temperature recording, and is an FDA approved app for use as a contraceptive, which is why I mentioned it specifically. I've used it for this purpose before, and it doesn't require fertility expert status - though I'm sure as the OP mentioned charting for TTC she understands enough of the background to see how it works without doing tons of further research.

Yes, temperature recording doesn't suit everyone, but also having to take a pill at the same time every day has its drawbacks too... and this one is hormone free, which is a huge plus 😊[/quote]
The thing with temperature recording is that it isn't all that accurate if you aren't sleeping regular hours, which is often the case with a toddler. In which case one of the mucous observation methods might be better.

But yes, having used fertility awareness to TTC would be a good start to using it to avoid.

@VanGoghsDog

Who is we? You and your mates?

No, women over 45. Some are even on this thread talking about contraception, not just "me and my mates".

I guess just the idea that one day I will be too old to have kids but also young enough to still get pregnant is odd and also bloody annoying!

It is annoying. But it's not odd in any way at all. The fact you've not had the imagination to think about it doesn't make it odd. Or strange. It makes you incurious.

Guess I don’t know many women over 45. At least not to talk to about things like that.

Doesnt make me incurious at all.

You sound like fun

My gran was in her 40s when my dad was born. 1927 do definitely no IVF. She had her last 3 children in her 40s. My dad snd twins before him.

Breastfeeding can be reliable if you pay attention to the circumstances.

Please can you explain that? It was made very clear to me in both pregnancies by so many healthcare professionals that you absolutely should NOT rely on breastfeeding.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

Breastfeeding can be reliable if you pay attention to the circumstances.

Please can you explain that? It was made very clear to me in both pregnancies by so many healthcare professionals that you absolutely should NOT rely on breastfeeding.

I think the posters mean they are very clever and the average woman trying to use this method is not and messes up the statistics which would otherwise prove it. Or maybe the average woman is too well nourished, so remains fertile... Or the average woman is too exhausted by having a small baby to notice she’s fertile again before her first period after pregnancy. What I do know is that I exclusively breastfed for 6 months (and continued to breastfeed for a year, including whilst pregnant with planned no 2), day and night, and my periods came back after 3 months. This is despite the fact I had a past history of several years of amenorrhoea of unexplained cause (when I was also told I could still potentially get pregnant if having unprotected sex, as my hormone levels were low-normal during that time, not abnormal). Basically, that’s why there is no foolproof method of contraception, as the body does not actually always work predictably!

'Breastfeeding can be reliable'
Tell that to my aunt, who has exactly one year between her children.😁

Also when I looked up it said your chances of conceiving each month at 40 are 5%, reducing to almost zero by 44. Presumably that's if you're actually trying.

To put that in context on average only 25% of people who are trying will get pregnant in the first month. Those are the super fertile ones, it will take 6 months for the next 25% to get pregnant and a year for the next 40%. 10% of couples who are trying will take over a year to get pregnant (that figure is different from the 1 in 7 couples who have fertility issues, make of that what you will. But 5% of 40 year olds getting pregnant the first month doesn't sound so bad really in comparison to only 25% overall.

Breastfeeding is reliable as long as you are feeding on demand with no dummies, no formula top ups and your baby is still feeding during the night.

Still not 100% but nothing is, even sterilisation!

A brother and sister were in the same year as me at school. One was the oldest in the year, the other the youngest. According to their DM, proof breastfeeding is not a contraceptive.

@isadorapolly

Breastfeeding is reliable as long as you are feeding on demand with no dummies, no formula top ups and your baby is still feeding during the night.

Still not 100% but nothing is, even sterilisation!

Bollocks. I never used a dummy on either of my babies, always fed on demand, day and night, never used formula (hence breastfeeding for a year, after which normal cow’s milk is acceptable). My babies’ sole source of food and drink for their first six months was my breast milk. My periods were still back after 3 months both times, so I expect I was fertile again very rapidly. As you can be fertile before the return of your periods (as you ovulate before you bleed), I think it’s a highly dodgy method of contraception! Not being that interested in sex so soon after childbirth I found considerably more effective!

It’s not bollocks just because it didn’t work for you. I fed some of mine til 2 years and didn’t get periods til just after I stopped. It’s not foolproof but it is still a method, just like the pill isn’t 100%.

Like someone else said you will always find the people who’s something didn’t work for rather than the opposite.

I'm living proof that the withdrawal method doesn't work.
My mum was 40 when I was born

I’m 38 nearly 39 and fell pregnant first cycle. Currently 38 weeks. If you don’t want more children contraception would be sensible.

To be fair, with a million posters on MN you could probably find someone to post as living proof that absolutely every method doesn’t work with the possible exception of lesbianism.

@FourWordsImMuNiTy

To be fair, with a million posters on MN you could probably find someone to post as living proof that absolutely every method doesn’t work with the possible exception of lesbianism.

Ooh, that depends whether you subscribe to the ideology that says men can be lesbians...

Just use a condom..... No need for surgery, hormonal contraception and the biggest bonus.... No mess to clean up!!

@isadorapolly

It’s not bollocks just because it didn’t work for you. I fed some of mine til 2 years and didn’t get periods til just after I stopped. It’s not foolproof but it is still a method, just like the pill isn’t 100%.

Like someone else said you will always find the people who’s something didn’t work for rather than the opposite.

Given the fact you can ovulate before your first period after childbirth, so won’t have a period as a clue you are fertile again until it’s too late, and nobody knows in advance when their periods are going to start up again while breastfeeding, I would still say it’s bollocks, or the triumph of mass statistics over individual realities which, in the real world, give natural methods of contraception a considerably lower success rate than the theoretical levels for “perfect use.” And if you are one of the 20% who gets pregnant anyway, it’s not much comfort to be told you are either one of the minority or just didn’t do it properly.