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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 26/03/2021 11:56

He's likely to catch whatever they had anyway (if you've caught it already) so he would have passed it on to you eventually. He can't just not see his children because they're under the weather.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 11:58

This is part of being with someone who has children from a previous relationship.

Don’t be that stepmother.

Original poster

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:58

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

He's likely to catch whatever they had anyway (if you've caught it already) so he would have passed it on to you eventually. He can't just not see his children because they're under the weather.

Of course not, but by taking them outdoors it reduces the risk somewhat as opposed to being indoors in close proximity.

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 11:59

He'd probably catch anything they have and his ex doesn't get to opt out of parenting when the kids have a bug so why should he?

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 11:59

If they where your children would you be sending them to live elsewhere?

It’s tough but children shouldn’t be made to feel unwelcome in the home

OwlBeThere · 26/03/2021 11:59

YABU. They’re his kids, your home is their home.

Nicknacky · 26/03/2021 12:00

For normal, childhood minor illnesses you can’t expect them not to come to their other home.

birdseeder · 26/03/2021 12:01

Your child is not even here and you are already prioritising you/them over the step-children...

Original poster

Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:01

If they were my children I wouldn't be sending them anywhere with covid symptoms, no.

That's by the by though.

I get he needs to see them but the weather has been lovely he could have quite easily made an adaptation on this occasion without causing any inconvenience to his ex or the children.

OP posts:

stunnningandbrave · 26/03/2021 12:01

You'll be fine OP, of course its a worrying time for you but try and not stress. He of course can't stop seeing his kids, and I'm sure you understand that really.

crosspelican · 26/03/2021 12:02

Welcome to parenthood! You're going to spend the next 10+ years of your life catching every sniffle that goes around, so no harm getting used to it now. :)

You didn't have to, but you picked somebody with young children. The runny noses and unwelcome colds are part of that package.

LisaStansfield · 26/03/2021 12:02

I think unless they're properly poorly with d&v etc it's just part of life, minor bugs and so on. Are they school age? if so they should be having lateral flow tests I think, so hopefully it won't be covid as it would have shown up? Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:03

@Nicknacky

For normal, childhood minor illnesses you can’t expect them not to come to their other home.

Nor would I, except we've been in a pandemic and the advice is if you have covid symptoms then don't risk passing it on.

Your child is not even here and you are already prioritising you/them over the step-children

So basically stuff the baby then?

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 26/03/2021 12:03

YABU, if you choose to be in a relationship with someone who already has children then you choose all that goes along with that including the parts that might not be convenient for you.

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 12:03

It’s not by the by at all.

You basically want your partner to say “sorry kids I have a new baby coming so you will just have to be happy with a trip to McDonald’s for now”

Original poster

Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:04

@crosspelican

Welcome to parenthood! You're going to spend the next 10+ years of your life catching every sniffle that goes around, so no harm getting used to it now. :)

You didn't have to, but you picked somebody with young children. The runny noses and unwelcome colds are part of that package.

Absolutely, and I'm extremely fond of the children.

In normal circumstances I wouldn't bat an eye at coughs and colds or whatever else.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 12:04

You didn’t say they had covid symptoms before. If that’s true they needed to he isolating so wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere outdoors.

crosspelican · 26/03/2021 12:04

If they were my children I wouldn't be sending them anywhere with covid symptoms, no.

Definitelt fair, but she didn't say they were covid symptoms, though, just that they weren't well. Could easily have been just runny noses. If it was a cough and high temperature she would have been mad to send them, but OP would have mentioned that.

catinbootsx · 26/03/2021 12:05

The regularity of these threads is so, so depressing.

These poor kids.

Nicknacky · 26/03/2021 12:05

So do they have COVID or not? If they have COVID symptoms then they shouldn’t be going out the house, never mind to a park or whatever.

However, I get the feeling you are going to change the kids normal sniffles into something more COVID like to try and get the replies that agree with you now.....

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 12:05

If they were my children I wouldn't be sending them anywhere with covid symptoms, no
You haven't said they had copied symptoms, just that you got a temperature and had to test.

If the children have covid symptoms, as in:
A new persistent cough
A temperature
Change or loss of smell/taste

Then they should be isolating and getting a test.

Crucially, if they had covid symptoms then surely you wouldn't be suggesting they go to the park or go to fast food places.

It seems like you're having a rough time, haven't got the answers you want and are now trying to invoke the cover card.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 12:06

However, I get the feeling you are going to change the kids normal sniffles into something more COVID like to try and get the replies that agree with you now.....

I totally agree.

crosspelican · 26/03/2021 12:06

Congratulations on your pregnancy though! And I can see why you're feeling extra vulnerable after your losses. I do think you are being unreasonable, but I would feel exactly the same.

Original poster

Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:06

@Sirzy

It’s not by the by at all.

You basically want your partner to say “sorry kids I have a new baby coming so you will just have to be happy with a trip to McDonald’s for now”

"we're going to have a fun trip to the park or McDonald's today, who wants to be stuck indoors on a nice day anyway?!"

They need never know it's about shielding me from getting ill.

OP posts:

Skyla2005 · 26/03/2021 12:07

They are his children so yes yabu. If you get with someone with kids then you have to treat them as your own otherwise all your going to do is argue and cause resentment. You wouldn't not see your own kids if they are ill would you ?

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