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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 26/03/2021 12:07

So you are now saying they have COVID symptoms and you think they should go to the park or McDonald’s? Instead of thinking they should be isolating/getting tested.

Insomnia5 · 26/03/2021 12:07

Yabu. Your oh doesn’t get to pick and choose when he has his children just because they’ve got a cold. The last time my dd got a cough/cold it lasted over 6 weeks. If the children came down with something whilst they were with their dad, I doubt be try much that you’d insist that they stayed with you for however many days/weeks so they didn’t pass it to their mum.

birdseeder · 26/03/2021 12:07

But you don't need to shield just because your pregnant?
I also feel your are now bring up Covid to excuse your behaviour....

Mittens030869 · 26/03/2021 12:07

However, I get the feeling you are going to change the kids normal sniffles into something more COVID like to try and get the replies that agree with you now.....

I suspect you’re probably right. Hmm

Nicknacky · 26/03/2021 12:07

But if they are under the weather they should probably be taking it easy in a house, not running about a park.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:08

@PurpleDaisies

You didn’t say they had covid symptoms before. If that’s true they needed to he isolating so wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere outdoors.
Sorry I thought I included that in my OP, I re wrote it twice before posting.

One has a cough and the other has a very runny nose, which has now been recognised as a covid symptom.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 26/03/2021 12:09

So have they been tested?

Mittens030869 · 26/03/2021 12:09

@Nicknacky

That’s true, especially if they really do have Covid symptoms. They’re supposed to stay indoors.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:09

@Nicknacky

So do they have COVID or not? If they have COVID symptoms then they shouldn’t be going out the house, never mind to a park or whatever.

However, I get the feeling you are going to change the kids normal sniffles into something more COVID like to try and get the replies that agree with you now.....

No idea.

One has a cough and the other has a runny nose.

The runny nose wouldn't be a cause for concern if the other didn't have a cough.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 12:09

So how did you think they’d be able to go to McDonald’s or the park with covid symptoms? Hmm

Something really doesn’t make sense a little that.

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 12:10

Yet you wanted them to go to McDonald’s?Shock

imalmostthere · 26/03/2021 12:10

Hmm, the COVID symptoms only appeared on the thread once everyone concluded YABU. Sorry op, I agree with pp you're now attempting to sway opinions to your side.
Your home is their home. My ds has had a cold pretty much solidly since starting pre school, and it is the way it is. You'd feel differently if it was your own DC. Time to suck it up, you cannot dictate when he sees his children Incase you catch a sniffle.

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 12:11

"we're going to have a fun trip to the park or McDonald's today, who wants to be stuck indoors on a nice day anyway?!"

One has a cough and the other has a very runny nose, which has now been recognised as a covid symptom.

So you think the children should go to the park and continue to mix freely whilst you say they are a covid risk? Hmm.

Anyway, unless the cough is new and persistent, they don't need testing.

100% a case of dropping the covid bomb to get the answers you want.

imalmostthere · 26/03/2021 12:11

And If you thought they had COVID symptoms why on earth would you think they could go on a jolly to McDonald's? Not buying it

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:12

@PurpleDaisies

So how did you think they’d be able to go to McDonald’s or the park with covid symptoms? Hmm

Something really doesn’t make sense a little that.

Drive though?

Less risk of transmission outside.

No they haven't been tested.

I will be doing just to rule it out.

I can see everybody thinks I'm unreasonable, fair enough.

OP posts:
Convallaria · 26/03/2021 12:12

When you say you are vulnerable, do you mean you are shielding?

You say you have a temp, but what symptoms did the kids have? If they were just cold symptoms and not covid symptoms it makes a difference.

Wanting to gripe about catching a cold from your stepkids is one thing, but you are going to get some fairly unsympathetic replies on here, especially as It isn’t clear how your scenario lines up with the covid rules.

FWIW if my kids get ill I keep them at my home to avoid transmitting it to their other parent. But I didn’t do this for colds pre-covid, just d&v etc. My kids are teens and understand about symptoms, the age of the kids is also a factor.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 26/03/2021 12:13

If you wanted to have complete control of your home and who is in it, you shouldn’t have had a child with a man who already has children. It really is as simple as that. Lots of people make other choices. You made this one.

catinbootsx · 26/03/2021 12:14

OP: AIBU

EVERYONE: YABU

OP: But Coviiiiiiid

FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 12:14

No they haven't been tested.
If they have any of the 3 main symptoms then their parents should insist their children isolate and get a test.

So not go to the park/McDonald's.

I will be doing just to rule it out.
If you have a temperature then you're not doing a test to rule it out. You're testing because you have one of the 3 symptoms and you have to isolate until test result comes back.

You've got some selective approaches to the covid rules here.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 12:14

Very unreasonable. What happens when your own kid has a cold? Will you send them away? This is why step mums sometimes get a hard time on MN. He is their father and your home is their home. End of story and you just have to handle it.

gerbilfur · 26/03/2021 12:14

The only time my dsc don't tend to come over is if they had d&v and that's only because they want their mum.

For all else they come here, I won't lie, my heart sinks when they arrive and one of them looks snotty or feverish but I just have to put up with it.

However did these kids have suspected covid, like have they had a test? If so I'd expect them to stay with mum until a negative result.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 12:15

You don’t know that if people havd covid symptoms the whole household has to isolate and the person with symptoms needs a test?

You must be the only person in the country that thinks you can go to a park because there’s “less risk of transmission” outdoors.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 12:15

Thank you for the replies.

I'm unreasonable then.

I'll accept that, but I will say it's not coming from a place of spite but one of worry.

I've had two recent-ish losses and I'm doing all I can to avoid getting sick, especially as there is a link to miscarrying from covid.

I always put the children first but clearly my trepidation about the pregnancy has made me selfish on this occasion.

DP and his ex think it's just a common cold and it's not unusual to get a cough with a cold, that's easy to gloss over when you're not in my position.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 12:16

@Whereso

Thank you for the replies.

I'm unreasonable then.

I'll accept that, but I will say it's not coming from a place of spite but one of worry.

I've had two recent-ish losses and I'm doing all I can to avoid getting sick, especially as there is a link to miscarrying from covid.

I always put the children first but clearly my trepidation about the pregnancy has made me selfish on this occasion.

DP and his ex think it's just a common cold and it's not unusual to get a cough with a cold, that's easy to gloss over when you're not in my position.

So you’re both clueless about the isolation rules despite this bring widely publicised for over a year.
Viviennemary · 26/03/2021 12:17

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