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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher asked my daughter if she needs a butler because she is doing the 11 plus

203 replies

Scubadivinginabox · 25/03/2021 20:05

We live in an area where there is no 11 plus and thinking of moving to a more rural location near family. Because it's the grammar system there we signed my daughter up for some online classes to work towards the 11 plus. If she gets in great. If not, we'll move there anyway and she can go to the local comp.
No-one where we live has any concept of what the 11 plus involves or the amount of prep work. We haven't told many people that she's doing it because we don't know if she's going to pass and everyone asking how she did is not going to make her feel better if she doesn't get in.
We told my daughter's teacher in confidence at a phone call parents evening. Since then he has mentioned it to the class several times (I overheard on zoom a couple of times) and today he asked my daughter if she needed a butler because she was getting private tuition. WTF?
He is known for his edgy smart alec comments but I feel this time he's just gone too far. Surely as her teacher he should be supporting one of his pupils who is working hard? AIBU?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 25/03/2021 20:07

That is completely unacceptable.

Haudyourwheesht · 25/03/2021 20:09

That's really bad. I'd normally not suggest this but in this case I think I'd phone / email the school.

Thehop · 25/03/2021 20:09

He’s bullying and belittling her. Go to the head. Vile behaviour.

Daphnise · 25/03/2021 20:10

You are going to have to develop a thicker skin if she fails the exam...

Deadpoet1 · 25/03/2021 20:10

My son is currently working towards the 11+. It's bloody hard work, these are young children doing really challenging work. They should be applauded for this and certainly not ridiculed for it, especially by a teacher. I would be phoning said teacher and having a few words.

year5teacher · 25/03/2021 20:10

It’s shitty. Fair enough to rib an adult friend of yours like that maybe, but a child in your class... misjudged big time.

WithTeaTree · 25/03/2021 20:13

Pathetic attitude from the teacher. Unacceptable.

Butteredtoast55 · 25/03/2021 20:15

I am a headteacher and would want to know about this. It is inverted snobbery at its worst and I would take a dim view of any teacher belittling aspiration and effort, no matter what the context.
Good luck to your daughter - it sounds like you have a really balanced and sensible approach.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/03/2021 20:15

Stupid comment. Many 'normal' children sit the 11+, not just 'posh' children. Many of my DDs classmates are working hard right now, from all sorts of backgrounds. We are doing the opposite to you, moving out of the 11+ area.

Woodlandbelle · 25/03/2021 20:15

A complaint needs to be made. It's a breach of confidentiality and also damaging to her self esteem.
The teacher has his own issues I would say. Wishing your daughter all the best for the testFlowers

shouldistop · 25/03/2021 20:17

He's a dick, I'd make a complaint.

ValerieMorghulis · 25/03/2021 20:20

It does sound like bullying tbh.

I think I would ring him and ask him how he thinks it makes her feel when he makes these comments. And take further steps depending on his answer to that. He needs to face up to what he is doing

GreenSlide · 25/03/2021 20:21

@Daphnise

You are going to have to develop a thicker skin if she fails the exam...
It'll be worse if she passes it. I went to a post 11+ grammar school and the teachers were sarky fuckers.
MissyB1 · 25/03/2021 20:22

He’s clearly got a massive chip on his shoulder, you should ask him if needs some salt and vinegar for it.

Seriously though complain to the head. Mr Chip might also be belittling other kids.

GrumpyHoonMain · 25/03/2021 20:24

He’s bullying her. I would complain to the school

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/03/2021 20:24

Take it up with him directly or with the head. Idiot.

cinnamonchips · 25/03/2021 20:24

@GreenSlide so that means that every grammar school in the country must have the same kind of teachers?! Hmm

Moomin12345 · 25/03/2021 20:25

He shouldn't be teaching anyone anything.

TheCraicDealer · 25/03/2021 20:25

That's completely unacceptable. He's supposed to be setting an example to the kids, and he thinks this is the way to do it?

Imagine having a chip on your shoulder so big you feel the need to belittle a ten year old in front of her classmates.

Maireas · 25/03/2021 20:26

I overheard on zoom a couple of times
Was this Teams or Google classroom during a lesson? What exactly was said and how many times? I think you should definitely complain, it doesn't seem appropriate.

MrsBertBibby · 25/03/2021 20:27

He needs to go meet some 11+ kids from Kent, or even better, Medway.

They are truly not posh.

What a twat.

reader12 · 25/03/2021 20:29

That’s really shitty behaviour from a teacher. I’d talk to the head.

Tinty · 25/03/2021 20:29

I can confirm, that you definitely don’t need a butler. Neither my DD or any of her friends at school have a butler. Smile

And yes, the Teachers at her school are definitely sarcastic, but mostly in a pleasant/funny way.

PADH · 25/03/2021 20:37

Complain

Member984815 · 25/03/2021 20:40

I'd complain to the head about this