Teacher asked my daughter if she needs a butler because she is doing the 11 plus

[Scubadivinginabox]

We live in an area where there is no 11 plus and thinking of moving to a more rural location near family. Because it's the grammar system there we signed my daughter up for some online classes to work towards the 11 plus. If she gets in great. If not, we'll move there anyway and she can go to the local comp.
No-one where we live has any concept of what the 11 plus involves or the amount of prep work. We haven't told many people that she's doing it because we don't know if she's going to pass and everyone asking how she did is not going to make her feel better if she doesn't get in.
We told my daughter's teacher in confidence at a phone call parents evening. Since then he has mentioned it to the class several times (I overheard on zoom a couple of times) and today he asked my daughter if she needed a butler because she was getting private tuition. WTF?
He is known for his edgy smart alec comments but I feel this time he's just gone too far. Surely as her teacher he should be supporting one of his pupils who is working hard? AIBU?

That teacher is a knob: not only a knob but a snob with a large chip on his shoulder. He's inadequate because he cannot provide the right education.

Honestly! He should be sacked. I know he won't be but he should. A teacher should know not to repeat something told in confidence and definitely not to embarrass a pupil.

I'm angry on yours and your daughter's behalf, op. I don't know what you can do about it, if anything, but I would be inclined to speak plainly to him.

I hope your daughter does well. I'm glad to live somewhere in which kids doing 11+ is not unusual.

@MrsBertBibby

He needs to go meet some 11+ kids from Kent, or even better, Medway.

They are truly not posh.

What a twat.

I second that, the grammar school kids here would rip him to shreds.

Maybe he didn't pass the 11+. I have known teachers be a little close to the bone, but they were always professional in dealing with confidential information and knew which children can manage a sarcastic comment. He just sounds rude and unprofessional. Is it worth moving any sooner and getting a primary place in the area you are moving to? Sometimes this means you have a higher priority for places and she might be able to sit the test in her classroom rather than in a test centre. She might also make some friends to go to secondary with. Do be aware too that some rural areas can be catchment black holes so do look into whether she is likely to get a place even if she passes. Personally if moving to the area I would initially rent near the school and buy later.

I wouldn't try to take a test which I haven't covered the syllabus for, but other people have and might have been preparing for years in advance. A test that will determine where I spend my working day for the next seven years (as it can be hard getting in even at 6th form). Also probably my first ever formal exam. I am not sure why MN parents are so keen to let their children do that as a badge of honour. I don't agree with years of study but in yr 5 it is totally normal in a grammar area. I don't personally agree with Grammars but not going to affect my child's education based on my views.

One point though to be aware of is that some children who are tutored will challenge the class tutor with 'well my tutor says...' which I think must be incredibly annoying so do be aware that it is possible that this is happening.

He’s a bully with a chip on his shoulder. This happened to me with a female primary teacher. I was the only one in my class to sit and she kept making comments like “you think you’re too good for us, eh?” Even aged 10 I could tell she was jealous! Pathetic.

If your daughter’s strong I would teach her a few dry comebacks but if it’s upsetting her then definitely bring it up with the Head.

I never ever complain about anything but singling your daughter out in front of the class AND telling something you told him not to? You need to contact him and the head

@phlebasconsidered and that makes bullying a child and breaching confidentiality acceptable does it?

When you say none of the poor children you teach have benefitted from a grammar school, do you mean they haven't benefitted because they haven't got in or because they did get in and it was of no benefit to them.

With all due respect I think selective schools expect even 11 year olds to be able to express themselves with clarity both orally and in writing. One has to wonder whether all children would achieve more if they were better taught by all teachers in all primary schools.

My eldest is in a grammar school, I paid for tuition as she wanted to go and had always been near the top of her class, but was anxious about the 11plus question style. She's now in year 1 of GCSEs and loves it.

I'm a single parent, holidays are Airbnb weekends and I had to budget more for the tuition year, and my youngest has additional needs so will go to a mainstream school which has a support unit. But I followed my DDs best interests.

If a teacher had made those comments to my DD I would have complained the first time.

If she needs online lessons and tutoring perhaps a grammar school is not for her.

After all maybe all the 'bright WC kids' parents can't compete with that financially.
..
Ridiculous things to say. Children have tutoring because the schools do not prepare them for the 11+. In my day, everyone did it without any extra teaching. My son did, he was taught properly so it wasn't difficult.

There are plenty of 'WC' children who have private tutoring, their parents stretch themselves to afford it and it isn't always very good. The NVR appears to be the most difficult part of the exam, something kids should be trying from quite early on.

I'm glad the op's daughter is having online tuition, far more comfortable than having to go to someone's house for an hour after school. She can relax while learning. Good luck to her.

I'm still annoyed at that teacher.

@phlebasconsidered

Usually in every year group there's an average kid who will get into grammar because the parents pay for tutoring. And two or three who are head and shoulders above that kid who won't because they can't tutor to the very specific test, the kid is entirely responsible for themselves because their parents are shiftworkers/ EAL/ not interested/ can't spare the time because they are flat out/ dealing with social service/immigration/housing etc etc etc.

So yes, I understand that teacher. Utterly. I have taught many amazing, brilliant, truly deserving kids in my 2 decade career and none of them have "benefitted" from a grammar school.

@phlebasconsidered

🙄 Jesus Christ - how old are you? The OP isn’t expecting the teacher to be in favour of grammar schools or tutoring, she’s expecting him not to draw attention to her daughter’s upcoming exam when he’s specifically been asked not to, and not to make nasty jokes at the expense of a primary school aged child.

Everything you have said is common knowledge. You don’t need to be a teacher to be aware of the inequalities in life. Your opinions, or that of the Op’s daughter’s teacher are no more or less valid than anyone else’s - but in the class room teachers have a duty to behave professionally and treat children with basic courtesy, whether or not they approve of parental choices.

I voted YABU as sounds like just a daft joke, "banter".
That's before I realised you said had said it several times - if so, that's going into being a dick territory, FFS man, might have been funny first time but let it goooo type thing lol

RosesandHellebores: With all due respect I think selective schools expect even 11 year olds to be able to express themselves with clarity both orally and in writing. One has to wonder whether all children would achieve more if they were better taught by all teachers in all primary schools.
.......
Exactly.

One small remark to just her trying to be funny I may have let slide if she found it funny. But what he is doing is completely unacceptable - I say that as a teacher and a parent. I would email/ring him directly and if it happens again then contact the head.

overnightangel, people fail exams all the time, not the end of the world. She will still have been taught to think and reason and it will stand her in good stead.

Complain. To the head. Unacceptable. I'm not usually one to say that, either, but that is disgusting behaviour.

That’s bullying. I had a teacher like that. Massive chip on his shoulder. Nasty piece of work.

@TheCraicDealer

That's completely unacceptable. He's supposed to be setting an example to the kids, and he thinks this is the way to do it?

Imagine having a chip on your shoulder so big you feel the need to belittle a ten year old in front of her classmates.

Too right!

What a crap teacher. He’s a bully. He shouldn’t be in that job.

I’d make a formal complaint to the head and threaten to escalate to Ofsted. I’d also show the teacher what a furious parent is like to deal with.

I'd log it with 101.

@Thehop

He’s bullying and belittling her. Go to the head. Vile behaviour.

⬆️ This. (And I speak as a Teacher!)

He's being very unprofessional & sounds like an utter twat!!

Christ that is bad. He sounds as thick as mince. Definitely complain. I am a teacher and would be appalled if a colleague behaved like that.

@MrsBertBibby

I benefitted from a Kent grammar school education and have taught many children who've gone on to Kent and Medway grammars. Can confirm definitely not posh. I've seen some insanely bright, working class kids claw themselves grammar school places.

The teacher was definitely out of order and needs to keep his personal views out of any comments he makes to your daughter. I too would suggest speaking to the head.

I was a kid from a poor family. I went to a terrible primary that didn't prepare us for the 11+ at all, or even cover the whole national curriculum by the time they had dealt with behaviour issues, even though we were in 11+ area. I didn't have tutoring.
I passed. I had several friends at the grammar in the same position from other local schools.
There might not be as much social mobility via the grammar system as there should be but there is certainly some - and probably as much if not more than the comprehensive catchment system enables.
And no, the 11+ exam hasn't become more difficult. I now mark it and it is all the same types of questions as it was when I took it.
No teacher should be putting down a pupil in that way for having aspirations. I suggest he looks again at the teachers standards.

Ridiculous comment to a primary school child.
Bullying children to make himself feel better

Why should a WC kid have to claw a Grammar school place while the MC kids have the advantage of expensive tutoring?

Doesn't seem like a very level playing field to me.

@Daphnise

You are going to have to develop a thicker skin if she fails the exam...

WTF are you on about?? She’s going to have to learn to live with teachers bullying her daughter? Why the hell would she want to do that?