Teacher asked my daughter if she needs a butler because she is doing the 11 plus

[Scubadivinginabox]

We live in an area where there is no 11 plus and thinking of moving to a more rural location near family. Because it's the grammar system there we signed my daughter up for some online classes to work towards the 11 plus. If she gets in great. If not, we'll move there anyway and she can go to the local comp.
No-one where we live has any concept of what the 11 plus involves or the amount of prep work. We haven't told many people that she's doing it because we don't know if she's going to pass and everyone asking how she did is not going to make her feel better if she doesn't get in.
We told my daughter's teacher in confidence at a phone call parents evening. Since then he has mentioned it to the class several times (I overheard on zoom a couple of times) and today he asked my daughter if she needed a butler because she was getting private tuition. WTF?
He is known for his edgy smart alec comments but I feel this time he's just gone too far. Surely as her teacher he should be supporting one of his pupils who is working hard? AIBU?

That is utterly unacceptable. The teacher should not be raising his/her own political beliefs in the classroom, and certainly shouldn't be using them to bully your poor DD.

Inform the Head and also the governors. It's utterly unacceptable, even more so because it's a pattern of behaviour rather than a single incident.

I'm so angry on your DD's behalf!

Breathe of confidentiality, yes but the sneery lack of aspirations attitude is really shocking and that’s what I’d focus on in my complaint to the headteacher and governors.
Ofsted would go to town if they overheard a comment like that

I'm a primary teacher (and also passed an 11 plus as a kid!). I would normally say take issues up with the teacher rather than landing them in it with the head, but that is totally, totally unacceptable behaviour and I would be going straight to the head about it. Good luck to your daughter.

Breach

He sounds quite funny.

The whole point of the 11 plus was to give an opportunity to bright working class kids. He sounds a complete idiot.

If he's done it more than once then it's more than a misjudged comment. As a teacher, I'm sure out of context things I have said could be taken the wrong way at times. Generally, I'm mortified as soon as I see something has been taken badly and will apologise immediately or at least attempt to smooth things over.

In this instance, I'd have a word with the teacher direct, remind them how hard DD is working and say you'd hoped they'd be supportive. His reaction will tell you everything you know about whether you need to take this further or not.

@Daphnise

You are going to have to develop a thicker skin if she fails the exam...

Slightly beyond the point. He's broke confidentiality.

Definitely complain!

Some teachers can be really funny about grammar schools though. I went to one for 6th form from an areas that didn’t have grammar schools and so many teachers were very prickly about the topic. I had to tell them for references etc! A lot of people also thought you had to pay to go there.

Wow, you'd thin k a teacher would encourage one of his students

Crikey. I'd be complaining about that. That's really rubbish.

@HollowTalk

The whole point of the 11 plus was to give an opportunity to bright working class kids. He sounds a complete idiot.

Pity that didn't work out.

Strange comment from the teacher, although I have always been surprised at the amount of people who feel their children need tutoring to pass.

Maybe he feels like the quality of his teaching is being judged?

If she needs online lessons and tutoring perhaps a grammar school is not for her.

After all maybe all the 'bright WC kids' parents can't compete with that financially.

I think the schools should help with that. Many don't prepare them with the knowledge needed and exam techniques.

I'd complain to the head and Board of Governors as regardless of anyone's opinion on the 11+, he's bullying and belittling your DD and he needs to understand how totally unacceptable that is.

Well, how thick is he?! He didn't go to grammar school, did he? 😉

You told him in confidence. I would be pissed off and I’d definitely complain.

‘I have always been surprised at the amount of people who feel their children need tutoring to pass.’

There is content in the exam that might not have been taught yet, especially when the child is moving from an area that has no grammar schools.

I totally understand. When I was 11 I forgot my cooking ingredients. I was made to phone home for my mum to bring it to school for me. Instead, she was out and the Gardner answered our house phone. From thenI my teacher always said “why doesn’t the Butler bring it for you”. My dad slated her at the next parents evening 🤣

Did he know it was some kind of secret? You don’t mention if your daughter is upset by his comment?
I think it was probably just a joke. If your daughter is likely to be so upset if she doesn’t pass and is upset at it being brought up I think you are being really unfair to put her through it tbh.

@Strangekindofwoman

If she needs online lessons and tutoring perhaps a grammar school is not for her.

After all maybe all the 'bright WC kids' parents can't compete with that financially.

You often need some form of tutoring to compete with private schools (or you used to) as their teaching was far more 'traditional' and therefore suited to the 11+

It was more about technique than cramming subjects.

OP- the teacher has betrayed what you told him in confidence and is behaving very unprofessionally. I'd talk to the HT

That’s unkind and embarrassing for your DD

What adult gets a kick out of belittling an 11 year old in front of others?! Absolutely disgusting behaviour from anyone let alone a teacher.

Outrageous. Compliance immediately.