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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that being stressed and on the brink of a breakdown is just the new normal?

206 replies

SylviaPlath1984 · 24/03/2021 20:04

I was wondering if it was just me, that I'm burned out and exhausted but most people are pretty happy and laid back and have plenty of spare time to themselves...

But looking through a few posts here, it seems like everyone is really struggling. Being pulled in all directions, kids, housework, job, partner, no time for ourselves...

So am I wrong? Is your life pretty chilled and if so how/why, what am I doing wrong? Or as I suspect is the new normal to just work yourself to the bone and feel totally wiped out 24/7

OP posts:
PansyIvy · 24/03/2021 20:11

At the moment - yes, sadly, it seems widespread to feel like this. My DH says to me frequently that he is on the verge of some kind of breakdown. I know many in his team at work are feeling the same, it’s a high stress line of work and WFH makes things harder. Separately, I went for a walk with a friend yesterday and asked how her DH is, without hesitation she replied “rock bottom”.

Sorry, not very positive from me - the social and economic aspects of the past 12 months worth of restrictions are really taking their toll on the mental health of so, so many.

Flowers24 · 24/03/2021 20:12

Im the same, feel exhausted daily and fed up.

Easterbunnygettingready · 24/03/2021 20:12

On the very last thread here...

livingthegoodlife · 24/03/2021 20:13

Normal for me at the moment. I'm hoping it will pass. The house is getting worse and worse. Something has to fail.

Original poster
SylviaPlath1984 · 24/03/2021 20:13

@PansyIvy

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply ❤️

I was curious if anyone would bring up the pandemic as a reason. Purely because I feel like I've been so tired for so long I can't remember if I felt this way before last year, or if life in general for a few years has been more pressurised?

OP posts:
Original poster
SylviaPlath1984 · 24/03/2021 20:14

Is this just what happens when you have responsibilities / kids and have to live in the modern world? I feel as if I've been naive to think life would be pretty enjoyable, no one warned me it was such a treadmill... or maybe it is just the pandemic making it all feel worse?

Grateful for any thoughts on this!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 24/03/2021 20:16

The last lockdown was the final straw for me. I had a breakdown that was a decade in the making.

LouLou198 · 24/03/2021 20:17

Normal for me too, and felt like this for the past 12 months. Juggling childcare without our usual family support, the stress of the pandemic, even the simplest of tasks ie going to the supermarket feels so stressful. All the places I would usually got to relax or have fun with the family are closed. I'm grateful we have all stayed well during all of this but I feel on the brink of breakdown a lot at the moment.

SandysMam · 24/03/2021 20:17

I feel like everyone on mumsnet is like that but everyone in real life seems ok! Bit bored and pissed off but ok! I think a lot of it depends on how much you relied on parents etc for childcare that maybe can’t happen now etc. Or maybe people in real life just don’t tell the truth, or I only know the lucky ones!
I also feel like everyone seems to be moving to bigger houses or driving around in a new car as if no one I know, or don’t know but see around, have had any financial impacts at all.

Original poster
SylviaPlath1984 · 24/03/2021 20:17

@mbosnz

The last lockdown was the final straw for me. I had a breakdown that was a decade in the making.
I'm so sorry. I'm sure it was a very dark time for you. Were there any warning signs in the days leading up to the breakdown? How are you doing now?
OP posts:
Lancrelady80 · 24/03/2021 20:18

All on the edge I think.

Being a grown up with responsibilities and esp children is hard work! Throw a pandemic into the mix and it's a perfect storm

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 24/03/2021 20:20

I was feeling end-of-tether-ish before the first lockdown on occasion - exactly what you say about feeling locked on a treadmill of kids/work/housework etc. However, I got relief by going out/socialising/doing activities etc. Then along came lockdown...I’ve never felt so consistently shit in my life. February was the worst, although now the schools are back I’m regaining a bit of equilibrium.

mbosnz · 24/03/2021 20:21

Well, I've resigned from a job that I'd only just got, my dream job - jumped before I was pushed.

Warning signs? Nightmares, hadn't slept a proper night in a year, had stopped eating, because I'd start vomiting, and then the panic attacks. . .

Tootsey11 · 24/03/2021 20:25

I think people take too much on if that's the right way to put it. They put so much pressure on themselves to have everything perfect, family, house, jobs, cars etc, that it only takes one thing to move out of place and the whole thing comes tumbling down.

That's just my viewpoint.

roarfeckingroarr · 24/03/2021 20:27

My life is calm and well rounded and brilliant but that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong and me right.

I'm currently on mat leave with first baby but I would've said the same before he was born. I have a job I enjoy and am well paid for and a lovely quality of life with lots of exercise, lots of friends and a great partner.

So many things are down to chance though OP. I doubt it's something you're doing wrong.

Lostinacloud · 24/03/2021 20:27

I think many people are at this point and it is almost entirely the fault of this pandemic and the lockdown restrictions in many cases. ‘Fun’ and excitement has basically been cancelled for a year so no chance to de-stress/take a break/share the load with family or friends for a while. No drinks down the pub, community or school events, days out, holidays, meals out or a good dance, not even a couple of friends round to your own house.
I’ve also found it hard to reconcile squashing my natural enjoyment of getting excited for future events because it seems like all this will never end and I can’t ever afford to get my hopes up and get disappointed again.
The above also often gives me the utter rage, the fact my freedoms have been taken away like this and these are all negative emotions to harbour. Add together a bunch of negative emotions with little of your normal support group physically available and really difficult day to day living conditions and it’s easy to feel like you are about to have a breakdown.

Original poster
SylviaPlath1984 · 24/03/2021 20:29

@roarfeckingroarr

My life is calm and well rounded and brilliant but that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong and me right.

I'm currently on mat leave with first baby but I would've said the same before he was born. I have a job I enjoy and am well paid for and a lovely quality of life with lots of exercise, lots of friends and a great partner.

So many things are down to chance though OP. I doubt it's something you're doing wrong.

This is nice, thank you. I'm glad things are lovely and calm for you, enjoy the time with your little one those first years are just so perfect. X
OP posts:
lookdeepintotheparka · 24/03/2021 20:32

Sorry to hear some of the stories on this thread Flowers

I'm completely ground down by work and an incredibly stressful year of WFH. Staffing cuts and enormous pressure from managers have really taken their toll and you can't get away from it all in your own home. I hate sitting in front of a screen for 10 hours a day taking shit from work colleagues in my own living room!

catherineofarrogance80 · 24/03/2021 20:32

Hate it
Feel down flat unmotivated and at times had suicidal thoughts
Joy

Superstardjs · 24/03/2021 20:33

I'm normally up to my eyeballs in life and everything regularly gets a bit much, but the last year had meant there is no respite from the boring norm, so it just all feels a bit heavier than usual.

Watchingthetelly · 24/03/2021 20:35

Could have written this myself OP

skylarkdescending · 24/03/2021 20:36

I feel close to the edge at the moment OP and I think it's been building for years although exacerbated by the pandemic obviously.

I've realised that I haven't really been dealing with things as and when they've come up. Having young children, full time job, running a house. It's just all consuming. I've just pushed my stress and exhaustion down because how else do you get through? It's like the proverbial boiling frog. You don't realise how bad it is until you stop or somehow gain some perspective.

Taking to DH and we've started to make some changes. Career change, therapy etc.

When's the last time you remember feeling truly relaxed?

Missymoo99 · 24/03/2021 20:36

I walked into work this morning (early years setting) and had to hide in the toilets and have a cry, just finding things so tough at the moment in all aspects 😞

Goleor · 24/03/2021 20:39

Its definitely the pandemic that makes it all worse for me here. Before I had ways to cope they are now gone. Weve only just recovered financially from the last lock down , oh got a promotion in January, we found out I was expecting end of Feb and then yesterday oh was placed back on furlough with the threat of the job being gone totally. I lost my job due to the pandemic , haven't had any success in sourcing new work and now I'm very sick with morning sickness. We both live hundreds of miles away from our families and jobs are scarce on the ground here without transport. Oh driving test keeps getting cancelled due to the pandemic. We have no idea what to do if the job goes and will struggle again with furlough

Sofuckingsad · 24/03/2021 20:39

Yes. I'm usually a bit of a Pollyanna type but the last few weeks I've gone into a nose-dive.