To think that being stressed and on the brink of a breakdown is just the new normal?

[SylviaPlath1984]

I was wondering if it was just me, that I'm burned out and exhausted but most people are pretty happy and laid back and have plenty of spare time to themselves...

But looking through a few posts here, it seems like everyone is really struggling. Being pulled in all directions, kids, housework, job, partner, no time for ourselves...

So am I wrong? Is your life pretty chilled and if so how/why, what am I doing wrong? Or as I suspect is the new normal to just work yourself to the bone and feel totally wiped out 24/7

Lack of sleep is a killer for mental and physical health. Truly - read Matthew Walker's 'Why we sleep' book or watch a few of his TED talks.

Being able to sleep well and having the opportunity to is absolutely fundamental.

Yup this is me. Exhausted, holding on and regular panic attacks have become part of my life since the first lockdown. Panic attacks I believe are due to the stress of work that I simply cannot keep on top off because having kids around constantly means less time to work whilst work has increased due to redundancies and COVID related extra work.

Maybe one day balance will be regained - am hoping so

I’m the same. Ive had a few panic attacks the last month and today I had to excuse myself from a job interview as I just couldn’t do it. It feels I have lost grip of reality and all my confidence too. I’m exhausted and drained and depressed. I’ve written a note to myself to go see the dr. I don’t want to go back on ADs but I think I might have to. I’m just incredibly anxious all the time and I can’t cope.

The pandemic has definitely made life much worse. I’m just existing day to day, and spending all awake hours and many asleep hours stressed.

I think usually have distractions it changes but no break at all now.
Everyone in the house all the time creates more house work.
Noticed lots people talking about finding work hard and wanting a new job. I went through phase like that myself but got over it. Now my children are back at school I'm focusing on a walk a day & meal planning to take some pressure off.
Take care

Yes, it seems fairly normal for me!

Things are quite good for me.
I've worked all the way through and my job isn't particularly stressful. A lot of my friends out of work are my Colleagues so I've maintained contact easy.
What has made things easier us that I haven't got dependent children. My colleagues who have kids have been having a tough time.
I'm desperately sad for so many people but particularly for my friends who have lost relatives to Covid. One friend has lost both parents and both inlaws within 5 weeks of each other and is really struggling to deal with it. She is going through an emotional hell.

I had a meltdown at work on Monday which isn’t like me.I’ve been feeling low since I had covid in January and I’ve just had antibiotics for a uti and have been referred for a 2 week wait for a scan and an endoscopy so feeling a lot more stressed than usual.The pressures of work (NHS) homelife and missing seeing family and friends is another factor.I feel so exhausted (I’ve had bloods taken) and just generally feel worn down by life at the minute.

Every single client of mine is literally hanging onto survival by their fingers (I'm a therapist)

Ennui, burnout, exhaustion, disconnection.

Despite having a new baby my life is pretty calm (at least for the time being!). I would have said the same before maternity leave too.

But, it's only relatively stressful free because I have had to make it that way (and have been lucky enough that it's been possible).

I struggle with quiet severe anxiety and burn out easily. Because of this I choose to work freelance and I only do my fair share in the home (both practically and in terms of the mental load). Without these factors I would be a constant mess and I really feel for people whose circumstances mean they rarely get time for themselves.

I think a societal change is needed to help people achieve a proper work life balance and reduce stress. Everyone deserves proper time to recharge.

Really relate to this. I have been WFH throughout, but DP made redundant so huge financial stress, and my work is 100 x harder remotely. I feel like I haven't been able to talk to anyone about how bad I feel because everyone is going through. a terrible time, plus obviously not seeing anyone anyway. The news of the vaccine delay also seems to have hit me quite disproportionately hard.

The weirdest thing is, DP has now been offered a job, so the end is in sight, yet this week we have had a number of screaming rows. It’s like we kept a lid on it, and now it’s all coming out!

I’m the same. Just feel totally flat and unmotivated in the last week. To be honest, up until now I’ve been okay but now I’m really fed up.

I know lots of people have it worse but I’m just sick of not being able to look forward to anything, not being able to make plans, not being able to buy a house this year as we’d planned because DP hasn’t been allowed to work for half of the last year.

I’ll admit to breaking down in tears this evening and I’m not usually a crier. Just seeing the news that vaccine passports may come in for pubs and knowing I’m a long way off getting mine while friends have jumped the queue by lying. Especially one “friend” in particular who has been ignoring all rules anyway and jetting off all over the place over the last year. It just all feels so unfair.

Not normal usually though everyone seems to be, we need a reminder ourselves to relax stress causes dis-ease.

@LaurieFairyCake

Every single client of mine is literally hanging onto survival by their fingers (I'm a therapist)

Ennui, burnout, exhaustion, disconnection.

Mum asked if I had sought help today. I told her I thought that a) it won't help and b) the therapists must be stuck under their workloads, literally!

Yes, I have a waiting list

Hope you can get help though

@museumum

I was ok before lockdown. I felt like I was just getting on top of things after the young child years. Youngest was 6 and I was working four days a week with half a day off for childcare (our schools finish at lunchtime on Fridays) and half a day a week just for me. Homeschooling while wfh was a shit show but hopefully that’s over now.

My dh was always a bit anxious / an over thinker but since wfh for a year he is now wound like a spring, not sleeping, anxious and utterly unable to switch off 😢 I just hope he doesn’t break before the office reopens.

I know what you mean with your dh working from home. I feel like I never get away from work. What was my little escape place in the home for an evening is now my work office, so there's no escape. I desperately miss human contact not seeing anyone apart from family all day. I have been totally unable to switch off from work.

I feel this way too. Everything fell apart last year and this year has been even worse. I was “on the brink” for about a year before I snapped. Fast forward a few months and I’m now having therapy which helps some days but my circumstances have got so much worse that every day is a struggle. Sadly, most of my friends and family are also in a bad way mentally, bad health of self or loved one is our common theme and it’s really so sad.
There has to be light at the end of the tunnel but I can’t see it.

I just feel tired all the time. Feeling really low this week and I don’t know why. I should be looking forward to things opening up again in the next few weeks, but I just feel flat.

@LaurieFairyCake

Yes, I have a waiting list

Hope you can get help though

Oh I'm not seeking it

I know what they can and can't help with and lockdown isn't something they can help me with. I appreciate others feel differently of course.

I have coping mechanisms but my mother can't fathom why I'm hit so badly by it 🙄 that's why she suggested it.

Same here. Parenting disabled child and autistic child always hard. But i got a major back injury in June 2020 and cos of Covid's impact on the NHS I've had awful care and almost no treatment and waiting lists even longer now so when surgeries start it could be a years wait!. Very very low now.

One friend has lost both parents and both inlaws within 5 weeks of each other and is really struggling to deal with it. She is going through an emotional hell

omg 😱😓

Totally understand the crumbling roof and boiling frog analogies. I'm on my knees tbh. Mainly with work.

I somehow mustered some confidence/positivity last week to update my CV and apply for jobs last week after an awful few weeks at work. I have an interview next week which has given me a proper boost, I surprised myself as I thought contemplating such a thing would send me into a spiral of anxiety!

As for the friend who has lost her parents and in-laws though, my goodness, my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine that on top of everything else, those poor families.

I think that ever since the 2008 financial crash and the austerity afterwards, the costs of living have gone up steadily while salaries have not kept pace for most people. Public services have been steadily cut at the same time and employers are trying to squeeze every last drop of value from their employees, technology advances have made this more feasible so that for example many businesses laid people off in the 2008 crash and simply never replaced them meaning that now many of us are trying to do what used to be the job of 2-3 people.

You might not have noticed things getting more difficult if you are fortunate enough to have a dual income household with no major stressful life events but I think for most people it has meant that there is less “wiggle room” financially for issues like someone losing their job/ getting divorced/having a baby that wasn’t quite planned etc. And at the same time the safety net of the welfare state has been gradually eroded, and house prices keep rising, making people feel more insecure about being able to continue to afford the basics of living. Look how food banks have exploded etc.

Then add the pandemic in, which sweeps away all the fun and distractions we used to have which meant a lot of people weren’t noticing all of these changes while they happened and it has just brought people to their knees. I do think most people are struggling but IRL not being so honest about it personally, although it’s good to hear some people are genuinely coping well! The only people I know who are coping reasonably well with it all psychologically are the comfortably off retired slice of society, who have been both relatively insulated from the financial fall out from 2008 and all it’s consequences, and although technically at higher risk of COVID illness during the pandemic, much more in control of being able to take the precautions they feel are personally necessary for them, unlike those of working age (and of course haven’t had the added stresses of home schooling etc in general).

It’s a very tough time for many many people; I do think things were headed this way anyway but the pandemic has exacerbated the problems while also removing our coping mechanisms and distractions and as others have said in many cases adding grief into the mix too.

Basically I blame the bankers and the Tories!

My thoughts are if life isn't working you have to do something to change that. If it's health related maybe prioritize the basics is a good place to start. Sleep, eating healthy, exercise, relaxation. These things are necessary essentials. Let things like cleaning be the stuff you fit in when there's time and properly prioritize the basics instead.

The pandemic has been the last straw for me. But I tell my friends I'm fine, I've never been one to share my worries.