To think that being stressed and on the brink of a breakdown is just the new normal?

[SylviaPlath1984]

I was wondering if it was just me, that I'm burned out and exhausted but most people are pretty happy and laid back and have plenty of spare time to themselves...

But looking through a few posts here, it seems like everyone is really struggling. Being pulled in all directions, kids, housework, job, partner, no time for ourselves...

So am I wrong? Is your life pretty chilled and if so how/why, what am I doing wrong? Or as I suspect is the new normal to just work yourself to the bone and feel totally wiped out 24/7

With two kids under 5, one of whom still wakes at all hours of the night, I wouldn’t say life was exactly chilled. But do you know what, I actually feel ok now schools are open and I can work again. Home schooling in winter was the absolute low point for me. My little boy is possibly autistic and was struggling so much with the work. And I was so tired from months of being his only playmate. Life feels easy in comparison now that is over!

Much love to everyone out there feeling tired and worn down by it all.

@Mygardenisnotperfect

Basically I blame the bankers and the Tories!

I’m with you.

Theres no outlet and nothing g to look forward to. It's not like you are working hard to enjoy a night out / day out / shopping trip / family meal at the weekend . It sounds shallow written down but after 12 months it's a miserable life and yes I will say it , no holidays to look forward to .
As for schools , my son got 2 weeks before he was back home again . When will it all end?

Solidarity everyone. I hear you all.

@AmberItsACertainty I 100% agree with that, and thank you for the reminder. It might not be sexy / dramatic / rocket science.. but it's true. You need to start with the basics to look after yourself.

For me, I could do better on the healthy eating I think. It falls down when I'm feeling tired and feel justified to eat crap. Also relaxation-wise, I could do with doing more meditation or yoga than just random scrolling on my phone (which is sitting down, but not fully relaxing).

I feel the same.

It's all work and no play. I literally work, pick up my child, come home, and repeat.

There is no enjoyment in life. There are restrictions at work. Nothing to do on a weekend. Cannot see family. Cannot plan anything.

I literally work and come home. It's not sustainable. It's been a very very long year.
If I didn't have a child I can't say with all certainty that I would still be here, because what's the point? It's not a life.

There are people who are chilled out, but obviously that will be down to their own situation. I work part time (am looking for a ft job) and my children are at an age where they don't need much active parenting, so I have plenty of time to do housework and have some time to myself.

The pandemic made life easier and more chilled rather than harder for us tbh. Dh working from home on less work but full pay during lockdowns. Dc preferred online school. I lost some of my work, but we're financially ok.

So am I wrong? Is your life pretty chilled and if so how/why, what am I doing wrong?

No it's just luck in terms of the job you do, the age your dc are, your relationship situation, what job your partner does, where you live etc.

I feel the same. Lost my job at the start of first lockdown but managed to get another straight away which was temporary covid related I enjoyed it but took the adult decision and took a different permanent job when offered which also is good hours I really don’t like it. I’ve had no time off all year I am tired and come Saturday night I get anxious at the thought of going back to work on Monday
Add into the mix my ds failed all his mock gcse and feel like I am constantly nagging him to do school work dd got into a controlling relationship in first lockdown so that has been traumatic and unfortunately he seems to have brainwashed her into staying with him so our relationship is strained I hardly see her or speak to her anymore

I’ve not got dh off sick with toothache and he’s driving me mad moaning and groaning claimed he isn’t sleeping yet he kept me awake all last night snoring

Yes. This is bound to happen with no holidays, socialising and leisure time for people to release the pressure of every day life.
I'm a natural homebody and an introvert but I've absolutely struggled being at home 24/7. Work FT/ Study/ Eat/ Sleep cycle.

Agree. It's been a year or social media and zooms instead of time with loved ones.

There is no end in sight to the things we all took for granted.

My mental health is stretched and it's so hard not to feel deflated and exhausted.

My children miss their family, friends, play dates and sports

You are right to advocate healthy eating and yoga ....but nothing will make me happier than a fry up in a cafe and a night out drinking with my mates !

I was chatting to DP about this the other night.
We are both working FT, me 9-5 him 9-7 - I have DD 4 days a week and am constantly driving her backwards and forwards for childcare. She's 3 bad going through serious toddler tantrums at the moment, I find her very hard work. My family is falling apart, DM is now unemployed and DF has moved to the other side of the country. Grandma is alone as grandad died just before the pandemic. Feel like I'm constantly trying to help everyone and have no time for myself. From 6.30 when DD gets up its go go go until bedtime around 7.30, and then once we've had dinner I can't do anything except slump on the sofa. I cry at least 3 times a week. It's hard.

@SylviaPlath1984

Is this just what happens when you have responsibilities / kids and have to live in the modern world? I feel as if I've been naive to think life would be pretty enjoyable, no one warned me it was such a treadmill... or maybe it is just the pandemic making it all feel worse?

Grateful for any thoughts on this!

Yes I agree on no one ever saying how much of a treadmill it is

@Tootsey11

I think people take too much on if that's the right way to put it. They put so much pressure on themselves to have everything perfect, family, house, jobs, cars etc, that it only takes one thing to move out of place and the whole thing comes tumbling down.

That's just my viewpoint.

Yes I think this too. And I think this has got worse because of social media, with everyone showing only highlights

@NorthernChinchilla

Yep, total breakdown in October, then got Covid, then buried my Mum on Monday. For me, I can't eat or sleep.

Oh my lovely. I am sorry to hear this. Try replacement shakes to get some nutrition to get through?

@Mygardenisnotperfect

I think that ever since the 2008 financial crash and the austerity afterwards, the costs of living have gone up steadily while salaries have not kept pace for most people. Public services have been steadily cut at the same time and employers are trying to squeeze every last drop of value from their employees, technology advances have made this more feasible so that for example many businesses laid people off in the 2008 crash and simply never replaced them meaning that now many of us are trying to do what used to be the job of 2-3 people.

You might not have noticed things getting more difficult if you are fortunate enough to have a dual income household with no major stressful life events but I think for most people it has meant that there is less “wiggle room” financially for issues like someone losing their job/ getting divorced/having a baby that wasn’t quite planned etc. And at the same time the safety net of the welfare state has been gradually eroded, and house prices keep rising, making people feel more insecure about being able to continue to afford the basics of living. Look how food banks have exploded etc.

Then add the pandemic in, which sweeps away all the fun and distractions we used to have which meant a lot of people weren’t noticing all of these changes while they happened and it has just brought people to their knees. I do think most people are struggling but IRL not being so honest about it personally, although it’s good to hear some people are genuinely coping well! The only people I know who are coping reasonably well with it all psychologically are the comfortably off retired slice of society, who have been both relatively insulated from the financial fall out from 2008 and all it’s consequences, and although technically at higher risk of COVID illness during the pandemic, much more in control of being able to take the precautions they feel are personally necessary for them, unlike those of working age (and of course haven’t had the added stresses of home schooling etc in general).

It’s a very tough time for many many people; I do think things were headed this way anyway but the pandemic has exacerbated the problems while also removing our coping mechanisms and distractions and as others have said in many cases adding grief into the mix too.

Yes I think this is true too. And this was when we had dc1 and moved from flat to house and since then we have been struggling I go back to what the pp said about being naive about how much of a treadmill too.

Also I think ppl more willing to admit on Mumsnet because they put a face on in RL

Yes for me. I’ve always been a very cheerful person who loves life. We had a very busy, full life before, always out and about, loads of socialising, loads of kids activities. We were too busy sometimes but I never felt edgy or stressed.

Now honestly I’ve felt worse mentally than ever before. I developed insomnia and twitches/tics. Even though I’ve enjoyed many elements of this lock down, I’m just not coping well.

Huge improvements in the last few weeks though with the roadmap announcements and vaccination programme and I’ve been taking CBD which has hugely helped my sleep and state of mind generally.

I really hope you feel better soon..... we are nearly there now.

Reading all of these replies this morning has been fascinating, thank you to everyone who has shared, I know how difficult it can be to admit you're struggling.

What I'm learning from this so far is that making time for yourself is a necessity not a luxury, that the pandemic has made an already pressured society worse and that we are all pretty much in this together. As much as it's sad to see so many are in the same boat, it's also somewhat reassuring to know we aren't alone ❤️

Yup, I feel terrible. I do feel a bit better since my DC went back to school a couple of weeks ago but still feel a bit shit. Life just feels like Groundhog Day and there’s no escape even at the weekend because all we can do is go for a fucking walk. I’m desperate to go on a proper day out somewhere. Homeschooling drove me to the edge, I stopped sleeping and barely ate because I had a permanent stomach ache.

Yes, but I was the same before lockdown. In some ways, removal of all the activities I felt I had to do, has been immensely helpful. Not really loving the zoom replacements, but hey ho.

It's mostly work stress for me. Part-time with what I am coming to realise is a full-time workload.
ICU senior nurse. Was thinking about moving on pre-pandemic but feel I have a moral duty to stay, use my training, mitigate risks of junior unskilled and redeployed staff.

I feel the same as most on here.
I’m a hairdresser ans due back at work and honestly am dreading it. How did I find time to work. My house is a mess a clean mess but still. I thought I’d I didn’t work I’d have the perfect house be nice and calm totally organised in all home life aspects. Now I realise maybe I’m lazy? I achieve barely anything in a day. How did I ever get things done when I worked. I don’t know if I can “people” again.

I've just taken a week off work because I am so fed up and stressed. I can't remember the last time I managed to sleep past 5am, I've put on two stone and I cry most days. I miss my friends and family so, so much and we've been trying to move house for about 9 months now which is a nightmare in the weird hyperactive current market. Life revolves around work, chores and childcare. It's all just too much. I want my mum!!

I am so stressed. I've not had time to myself for weeks, I have a massive backlog of work to do and I'm having to do pretty much all the housework/caring for DS as DH has even more work on. I am so tired if I do get a bit of downtime I can't do anything with it. I should be working now, but I've had something else sent through that I need to do today and I know I should be doing it now but I'm just waiting for the anxiety meds to kick in.

I don't have children and I always feel like I'm ready for a full on breakdown. Constant low level fever, exhaustion, etc. Not keeping on top of things (work, study, housework) and fretting that if one or two things slip it'll all come crashing down and get out of hand. It doesn't help on my work's Teams seeing everyone all happy and smiley talking about bike rides and runs. If I get up the stairs or into the garden that's a quick win for me.

In fairness, though, there's a lot going on with me. I've an ADD assessment coming up. I tick all of those boxes. Should have saw that I did decades ago and maybe it wouldn't have got to this stage.

Pre-children I had a job (Nhs) I loved. It was stressful and physically and emotionally tiring, but that was ok, because I had friends and time to recover. Me and DP both worked FT.

Fast forward 10 years. Austerity hit and each year the service was cut back, despite having more numbers of patients and those patients being more complex. So we are now working harder. Dp Job put more pressure on too.

Then add in pregnancy, small children and balancing that job PT and the demands of a family on little sleep. It's hard!

Then along comes a pandemic. Suddenly your workload increases again, with huge amounts of staff sickness, children now need home schooling. All the fun stuff and lightness in life has disappeared and for fun you get to drag the kids out in a 2 hour walk in sub zero temperatures.

It's a wander any of us are sane!! I'm aware I'm one of the lucky ones.

As an aside, I'm interested to know what jobs people do that are paid well but not stressful and where can I apply?!!