To think that being stressed and on the brink of a breakdown is just the new normal?

[SylviaPlath1984]

I was wondering if it was just me, that I'm burned out and exhausted but most people are pretty happy and laid back and have plenty of spare time to themselves...

But looking through a few posts here, it seems like everyone is really struggling. Being pulled in all directions, kids, housework, job, partner, no time for ourselves...

So am I wrong? Is your life pretty chilled and if so how/why, what am I doing wrong? Or as I suspect is the new normal to just work yourself to the bone and feel totally wiped out 24/7

Yep I am struggling. And I think morale amongst my friends, family, work colleagues is very low too just in general.

My theory in my case: I'm an extrovert, I feel energised by spending time with people I love, and I currently can't do that. Zoom calls will never replace face to face interaction.

Best wishes to you OP

I had a few days off work as was reaching burnout. Confided in a colleague who said they felt the same and that everyone seemed to be at a tipping point with the slightest thing pushing people over the edge. It's really not just you!

@skylarkdescending

I feel close to the edge at the moment OP and I think it's been building for years although exacerbated by the pandemic obviously.

I've realised that I haven't really been dealing with things as and when they've come up. Having young children, full time job, running a house. It's just all consuming. I've just pushed my stress and exhaustion down because how else do you get through? It's like the proverbial boiling frog. You don't realise how bad it is until you stop or somehow gain some perspective.

Taking to DH and we've started to make some changes. Career change, therapy etc.

When's the last time you remember feeling truly relaxed?

This is scarily close to my own situation, and you are just right about the frog analogy... you just don't realise do you? But what else are we supposed to do... the bills always need paying, the kids always need fed, bathed, taken to school, there's always washing or cooking to do... I feel like I could happily pause the world for a month and just sit in silence, I long to have nothing to do!

@Missymoo99

I walked into work this morning (early years setting) and had to hide in the toilets and have a cry, just finding things so tough at the moment in all aspects 😞

I'm so sorry, that was a bad morning 😞 I hope tomorrow is brighter for you. I'm not sure how any of us are getting through the day right now, but we do, somehow x

Yes, I've felt like I am on the verge of a breakdown for the past couple of months, but I'm still here plodding on..I don't know how I do it most day

I'm pissed off and fed up and have a constant low level grief that I might not see my family this year again. But the kids being back at school has helped and I've been promoted so that has helped a lot . DH and I have a good relationship, we have a nice house and garden and secure interesting jobs (I'm in Pharma, it's pretty much the best business to be in during a pandemic) which makes life a lot easier. And my DDad was always very positive about life and as I get older I realise that I am actually quite like him and am very much a glass half full kind of person. My feeling is I'd rather be me in a pandemic than most other people so I need to keep positive. DH has family in a country that is really struggling with the pandemic and I have a relative who is in the arts so hasn't worked for a year now.

I do think it's perfectly reasonable to feel shit, don't feel bad about feeling bad. It's a completely rational response to a dreadful situation. Do what you can to make yourself happier, make sure you get enough sleep, get outside and get some Vit D each day but cut yourself some slack and be good to yourself.

I don't know but as somebody who has actually had a breakdown I really recommend taking care of your mh before you get to that stage. It's a terrifying experience and takes a long time to recover from.

I think this may just be how adult life is, tbh. I don't think it's lockdown specific, not for me at least. Lockdown has removed some stressors (commute, extended family) but also removed some ways to destress (gym, socialising).

Thinking back over human history, has life ever been pretty chilled for the majority of the population? It seems as though famine, plague and war are constants. If we were born in the past 70 yrs in the uk, we've managed to avoid most of those to date, but that's an anomaly rather than the norm.

@SylviaPlath1984 @skylarkdescending I think I know exactly how you feel. Last week I just took a day off work to myself to do nothing and I have had to agree with DH that I need to take some time away, an hour here and there - it’s saved me the last two weeks, I was 100% on the edge.

@mummylovesthesunshine

I don't know but as somebody who has actually had a breakdown I really recommend taking care of your mh before you get to that stage. It's a terrifying experience and takes a long time to recover from.

I'm sorry you experienced this. How are you doing now?

Are there any warning signs to look for, anything you were feeling or thinking in the days leading up to it?

I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse my ignorance but I'm trying to educate myself about these things, I think more so than ever it's important to learn from others about mental health and what that looks like to different people xx

[quote Watchingthetelly]**@SylviaPlath1984* @skylarkdescending* I think I know exactly how you feel. Last week I just took a day off work to myself to do nothing and I have had to agree with DH that I need to take some time away, an hour here and there - it’s saved me the last two weeks, I was 100% on the edge.[/quote]
If you don't mind sharing, could you tell me what on the edge looks like for you? I'm just trying to get a broad picture of what being close to breaking down looks like, so I don't miss any warning signs! I think for me, I find my patience plummets to zero, I'm teary, poor sleep and feel very run down and light headed... when I get to that stage I try desperately to do something to rest but it feels like patching a crumbling roof, it'll hold for now but not a big storm...

I’m exhausted because I’ve been working in a massively under funded part of the public sector, and they’re running off of the good will of people like me, who want to do a good job. Rocking into covid under such circumstances was horrendous and it nearly broke me before covid came along.

I’ve since started a new job, which is also really hard but at least I don’t have the problems of covid/austerity to Wade through.

I once heard someone say we are all on the same journey but in we are in different boats, so everyone's experiences are different depending on their circumstances. The situation right now is very difficult and the bad news is just relentless. The worst thing is uncertainty, having nothing fun to look forward to and missing connections with friends and family on top of worry and everything else to deal with. We are all just doing our best to keep going. Don't be hard on yourself OP

I find my patience plummets to zero, I'm teary, poor sleep and feel very run down and light headed... when I get to that stage I try desperately to do something to rest but it feels like patching a crumbling roof, it'll hold for now but not a big storm...

OP this is exactly how I feel - and it's so unlike my usual self! Today a wise friend told me I needed some time off so I've booked some - self employed and haven't had a holiday without any business in it since 2008, and only two days off this year so far (including weekends). I wouldn't change my working life for the world, it took me a long time to get it there, but we have to give ourselves downtime.

And I think covid has made it so hard to do all the usual small pick me ups which keep us going even when normal adult life makes us tired and exhausted - so it's a double whammy :(

Oops bold fail sorry!

I’m on a cocktail of medications from my Psychiatrist and I still struggle. A lot.

Apart from.a few ups and downs, I'm ok and really enjoying the emergence of spring. Just take things a day at a time

@SylviaPlath1984 for me it was breaking into tears all the time, losing my patience, couldn’t sleep, dreading every day, anxious all the time, and then feeling like I couldn’t keep doing it and that the sensible but not allowed option was to end it all. I’ve started seeing a counsellor for the first time and it’s been game changing. She said to me yesterday that I keep saying that I “should” be fine, that everyone is dealing with the same stuff, but that in her donkeys years of doing her job she’s met so many ppl like me. Job/house/kid/husband can be a lot to deal with, you’re trying to look after everyone else. I would really recommend trying talk therapy and I hope it’s comforting tonight to know that you’re not the only one feeling this way xxx

Yep, total breakdown in October, then got Covid, then buried my Mum on Monday.
For me, I can't eat or sleep.

Omg hope you are ok ?xx

@NorthernChinchilla

Yep, total breakdown in October, then got Covid, then buried my Mum on Monday. For me, I can't eat or sleep.

Oh my god, what an awful time you have had. I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your mum. Please try and take care of yourself ❤️

I tend to be ok, I think life is fairly well balanced tbh but that's due to luck and the fact that I take time to myself when I need it and I refuse to feel guilty about it. If I need a morning in front of the telly then I say fuck the housework and make no apologies for that.
I'm lucky though that I have a couple of days a week at home on my own. I'm not sure how I'd carve out "me time" otherwise and I personally really really need it.

Agreed. I am on the edge. Sick husband, young kids, full time job, dog, house.

I cannot have a breakdown because everything will collapse around me. I'm not just saying that, it really will.

I don't know how to make it better

@MrTumblesSpottyHag

I tend to be ok, I think life is fairly well balanced tbh but that's due to luck and the fact that I take time to myself when I need it and I refuse to feel guilty about it. If I need a morning in front of the telly then I say fuck the housework and make no apologies for that. I'm lucky though that I have a couple of days a week at home on my own. I'm not sure how I'd carve out "me time" otherwise and I personally really really need it.

Very sensible approach I think, and what I’m trying to learn to do now.

I was ok before lockdown. I felt like I was just getting on top of things after the young child years. Youngest was 6 and I was working four days a week with half a day off for childcare (our schools finish at lunchtime on Fridays) and half a day a week just for me.
Homeschooling while wfh was a shit show but hopefully that’s over now.

My dh was always a bit anxious / an over thinker but since wfh for a year he is now wound like a spring, not sleeping, anxious and utterly unable to switch off 😢 I just hope he doesn’t break before the office reopens.