To hate hugs?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

Apart from DP hugging me (which I love), I absolutely hate hugs.
Dreading when restrictions are eased and all the huggers come out.
Aibu?

@Plumbear2

Bestoption why should nom huggers have to make it clear they don't like hugs or wear a lanyard? Just ask first. Its None concented physical contact at the end of the day

Because hugging is spontaneous, like laughing.

Whether you like it or not, handshaking & hugging are the norm, when you want to behave outside the norm the onus is on you to make that clear or avoid it.

I avoid hand shaking where possible, I don't expect others to ask if they can shake my hand.

@sammylady37

But there is NO need for some of the comments on this thread, just because the poster is not a hugger, it doesn't make huggers evil

@BestOption
Simply being a hugger is not evil, of course it’s not and I don’t think anyone is actually suggesting that.

What the non-huggers have a problem with is huggers who don’t respect the boundaries of the non-huggers and who enforce their need/desire for hugs on people who do not want them. There was a poster earlier in the thread who said she persists on hugging people beyond the point at which she senses they’re uncomfortable with it and that is reprehensible.
I find being hugged by people outside a select few to be invasive, intrusive, violating and horrible and I shouldn’t have to pander to anyone else’s need to be hugged by losing autonomy over my own body.

@sammylady37

People on the thread ascribed all kinds of derogatory terms to huggers.

As I already said, I'd never hug someone who I knew didn't like being hugged.

No one needs to be hugged if they don't want to be, but they need to make that obvious, not expect us to be clairvoyant.

Because hugging is spontaneous, like laughing

Whether you like it or not, handshaking & hugging are the norm, when you want to behave outside the norm the onus is on you to make that clear or avoid it

Handshaking -yes, in western society it's been commonly accepted for centuries probably.

Hugging - definitely not. Grabbing hold of relative strangers has only become a thing in the past couple of decades.Before that it was your nearest and dearest and only if you felt inclined with some of them.

Don't ascribe norms where you mean fashion.
Hugging someone who'd rather not be hugged but isn't confident to object is thoughtless. And,no,I don't like it.

I hate it if someone hugs, not used to them and feel extremely uncomfortable

People on the thread ascribed all kinds of derogatory terms to huggers.

Can you give some examples in context please?

Hugging is not the norm and it's not the same as handshaking ... I am very comfortable with handshaking, but if someone really doesn't want to shake hands then they just don't need to extend their hand when offered a 'handshake', yes it's slightly awkward but if someone wraps you in a hug there is nothing you can do ... even if you back out of it you have still had the initial overfamiliar contact.

I'd rather someone just said 'I don't do hugs' or gave clear indications they don't like hugs. Lanyards would be good.

I think the onus should be on the hugger to ask if someone wants a hug. People shouldn’t have to go around explaining that we don’t want our personal space invaded in case someone tries it!

*Because hugging is spontaneous, like laughing.

Whether you like it or not, handshaking & hugging are the norm, when you want to behave outside the norm the onus is on you to make that clear or avoid it.

I avoid hand shaking where possible, I don't expect others to ask if they can shake my hand*

Laughter is spontaneous and can be involuntary yes, but hugging is never involuntary. It’s a deliberate action that the hugger chooses to do. They may do it spontaneously but that doesn’t mean they can’t control it or decide not to do it.

Hugging is absolutely not the norm, unless you’re a teenage girl.

People don’t specifically ask if they can shake your hand because they don’t generally come up to you, grab your hand and shake it with you just bring a passive recipient of the action. They proffer their hand and it’s up to you whether you accept it or not. With hugging though, huggers invade your space, touch you, pull you into physical contact, squeeze you, inflict their touch and smell on you without ever checking if this is ok. In other contexts it would be deemed an assault.

Why do all the huggers seem to believe that hugging is an involuntary act? It isn't. It's something you are choosing to do, because you want to do it.

Much like men who smack a woman's bottom, or pinch it, or press themselves up against them on the tube. They do it because it makes them feel good. They too make the excuse that if you're not enjoying their attentions, then you're weird.

Why do the huggers excuse their actions as different? Because you're women? Because hugging is something people quite often enjoy when doing it with someone they choose?

If a strange man grabbed you and pulled you in for a big hug, would you enjoy that? Or might you feel threatened?

Honestly. I can't believe that these spontaneous huggers (gropers) and that obtuse. If you want to hug, proffer the invitation, as sammylady37 demonstrates with her handshaking analogy. If the invitation is refused, take it with good grace.

YANBU. I'm ok with hugging my DC and DH but that's it. I wasn't brought up in a huggy sort of family. MIL loves it and I'm dreading her making a big deal out of being able to hug us again. Even the word hug is making me feel a bit nauseous now!

Hugging is not spontaneous and it's not the norm. A hug is premeditated. The same way rape is premeditated. It's to make the giver feel good regardless of the other persons feelings. How would you feel if the other person slapped you in response? Would that be OK? Doing something to you that you don't want? Beca use tgat is what you are doing. Control it.

Oh I quite like them, but they don't come naturally to me. As for cheek kissing if someone goes in I seem to move my head to wrong way and it gets so awkward

I hate hugs from anyone other than my DH and DCs - those I love. I wasn't brought up in a huggy family so never have awkward moments with my relatives. In laws on the other hand , I hate it. I've hated it for the last 25 years and I'm thinking, by now, if I've not got to like it, I'm never going to.

What @Holly60 etc don't seem to see, is that their arrogance makes them think they can tell if someone doesn't want a hug. That's just not true. I fear being impolite so would never dare to say 'I don't like hugs, thanks' or stiffen my body (although after reading this I'm going to try to be more assertive), so instead the hugger gets their fix of squashing me and inflicting their overbearing perfume on me, and I have to suck it up because I'm not wearing a lanyard? WTAF?

Also, it's not just the actual hug itself, it's the feeling of dread from the moment you arrive at their house, knowing you've got it coming when you leave. I spend most of the time planning my escape, filling my arms with bags, coats, children to try to avoid the inevitable

Just as well you lot aren’t French. The cheek kissing would do you in.

I used to think I hated hugs.

Now that I can't hug anyone I can't wait til it's socially acceptable to hug people.

I'm going to hug everyone

I don't like hugging - I find it awkward and I avoid it if I can.

I also am shocked at how a meaningless bit of chit chat on mn can be turned into a massive argument based on a few tongue in cheek words. The reactions on here (not just this thread) have got to the point of jumping the shark...