To hate hugs?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

Apart from DP hugging me (which I love), I absolutely hate hugs.
Dreading when restrictions are eased and all the huggers come out.
Aibu?

@HermioneMakepeace

A friend of mine worked in a global firm in Casablanca. Literally everyone kissed everyone on both cheeks on arriving at the office in the morning. Even her boss! I find this utterly horrifying.

I find handshaking awful enough! DH was going on about how awful limp handshakes are and I told him I do that on purpose. People don’t shake my hand again.

Also, guilty confession...I love it when someone complements me on my perfume after a hug. How do you non-huggers show off your lovely scents if you don’t hug???? 😂 (again only lighthearted so please don’t take me too seriously)

I love hugging DH and DD, my brothers and my parents but beyond that, I can't stand it.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

As a hugger, I’m able to tell you that we can definitely tell every time when someone is a non-hugger.

And yet you still insist on doing it? That’s like a grouper knowing their victim didn’t want their arse squeezed but did it anyway!

To us it’s like you are missing a vital skill 😂 we just want to help you learn it because it is soooooooo good 😂 that extra squeeze we give you is to cover our embarrassment at discovering your weakness- we don’t want you to be embarrassed and probably over-compensate really (sorry 😬) we are definitely thinking ‘awww no they didn’t get enough hugs as a child, now I need to hug them even more poor love’.

I had a very loving childhood thanks. Don’t need you to fix that for me. It won’t help me at all as I have sensory issues around being touched.

My granny status has definitely made this instinct worse I’m afraid. But once again I will try to remember that you just bloody hate hugs, even if it seems anathema to us serial-huggers. Normally I would accompany an apology with a hug but I’ll stick to an awkward shoulder pat as I apologise to you once again

No need for the shoulder pat either. Just keep your hands to yourself!

Please assume that no one wants a hug! Try asking if you can hug them and respect the answer they give you.

You are quite right. Consider my hand slapped

@Ragwort

Sand what on Earth makes you believe you are a 'good hugger' ?

I’m confused, I didn’t say I was!

I’ve been firmly anti-hugs throughout the thread!

Some of us don't have DPs or children to hug while we freeze out everyone else with a handshake - so our friends and family are the only human contact we get.

In my case it's very much through choice but I'm still struggling a lot without being able to touch another human being for such a long time. Hugs are reassuring and make me feel loved.

I'm usually quite easy going but am getting increasingly frustrated with people who say things like "oh lockdown is fine, I've got my dh and kids" or "god don't want to hug anyone except my dp and kids". Occasionally spare a thought for those of us who have neither? Cheers.

I try not to hug people who obviously don't like it though, and if I never have to shake someone else's hand again that would be lovely

The thing I really, really hate is kissing on the cheek.

I can't stand it, especially when it's two kisses one for each cheek. I would love to tell someone in my family to stop doing this every time they see me (weekly) it's so unnecessary. Just say hello and smile and keep out of my personal space.

I hate hugging with a passion. Luckily most of my friends aren't huggers.

I hate hugging too and haven't missed it a bit! It has all got out of hand in recent years - there are so many people you are supposed to hug when you see them and then again when you part. I get it from friends (not too bad from the two I only see very rarely), people we go to dinner with, ex-work colleagues, neighbours, even my hairdresser went for it when we left lockdown last time! It's all too much - keep away from me!

Also, you huggers, do you actually squeeze your hug-ee and how long do you embrace them to know if it was a good hug?

Maybe if it's just a quick second, light hug it's not so bad. But imagine being held for multiple seconds. (Sick emoji if I had one). Oh god I feel shuddery just thinking about being hugged. Standing up in a doorway.

Me too - that's been the one good thing about the pandemic - no more awkward hugs!

Although one thing that is slightly worse is one of my friends used to insist we link arms when we were out. Am really hoping she'll have forgotten that when restrictions lift

@hilariousnamehere

Some of us don't have DPs or children to hug while we freeze out everyone else with a handshake - so our friends and family are the only human contact we get.

In my case it's very much through choice but I'm still struggling a lot without being able to touch another human being for such a long time. Hugs are reassuring and make me feel loved.

I'm usually quite easy going but am getting increasingly frustrated with people who say things like "oh lockdown is fine, I've got my dh and kids" or "god don't want to hug anyone except my dp and kids". Occasionally spare a thought for those of us who have neither? Cheers.

I try not to hug people who obviously don't like it though, and if I never have to shake someone else's hand again that would be lovely

I’ve been alone throughout lockdown, don’t have a DH or kids. Yes, of course I miss hugs with the few people I’d like a hug from but that doesn’t mean I welcome a free for all when things change. I’m really dreading the post lockdown hugging pressure. We are all different and I find the worst people forcing hugs on me (and who now encourage their kids and even husbands to hug me) do so because “it’s so sad, she’s unmarried and childless and has no one to hug her” which I find horribly patronising. We are all different. Some people who live alone need more physical contact from outside the immediate family unit. Others, like me, dread the assumption that it means we are desperate for hugs. It wouldn’t be obvious I hate it. I try not to be rude which ends up meaning I have to put up with the gross feelings I get from unsolicited hugs.

The hugging I can go along with but I can take it or leave it. However would love to ditch the handshakes and kissing thing.

@NameChangedForThisFeb21 that's fair and actually I've had similar which I also don't love. I think I've just got pandemic grump 😂

Although one thing that is slightly worse is one of my friends used to insist we link arms when we were out. Am really hoping she'll have forgotten that when restrictions lift

God! MIL does this too!!! 😫

I'll hug my children and that's fine for me.

@Holly60

It’s so funny isn’t it, I’m reading these posts from the POV of that serial hugger you all hate, and I can so recognise the scenarios you are all describing: me leaning in for a hug, that one person leaning away, hunched shoulders, awkward body language, slightly dithery ‘which way do I go’ kind of movement. In my head I’ll just be thinking ‘oh bless, they don’t know how to hug. Poor thing obviously doesn’t get enough hugs and just isn’t used to it. I need to give them an extra BIG hug to make up for it. I’ll take the lead so they don’t have to worry’. The thing is serial huggers just CANNOT imagine that you don’t secretly really want and need a hug. For us a hug is so good for the soul we feel it would be cruel to deprive you of the magic of one of our hugs. In our heads, although you say you don’t like hugs, once you’ve experienced OUR hug you will realise you just hadn’t had the right person hugging you. We will make it all better for you, don’t you worry. How come here for that hug, you

I know you are being tongue in cheek, but really please think about it a bit more. No one has the right to touch another person without consent. I couldn’t continue a friendship with someone who didn’t respect my autonomy.

Me too! I hate all that stuff.

Sorry I should add that an unwanted hug makes me feel like I am being suffocated. It creates a huge stress response.

Me too , husband's family like to kiss I hate it , he loves watching me pull away with disgust 🤣

I love hugs!!!! But with people I’m super comfortable with otherwise I’m a no contact person. I’m almost both people in these stories 😂🤣😂😂

I hate hugs, it's invading my personal space and leaves me feeling uncomfortable for hours later. One of my children is the same. Huggers need to respect that, they been to ask first and not try to make the non hugger feel guilty 😠. As for a shoulder pat instead just don't, it's just as bad and you only do it for your own benefit.

I hate hugs too unless they come from my husband and children. I hate other people, even other family members, coming into my personal space.

@LeaveMyDamnJam yes you are quite right I am being tongue in cheek. I’m actually a real empath and actually I can tell when someone doesn’t want a hug or if I’ve got it wrong. I tend to go in for a hug relatively subtly and slowly to start with so that if the other person doesn’t make a move to hug me then I can pull out before it’s obvious what was happening. If for any reason I get it wrong and hug someone who didn’t really want it I can actually tell straight away (no sinking/relaxing feeling, no reciprocal squeeze, slightly holding body away from me etc) I will cut it short and never do it again. So I am only joking really. Have a wonderful hug free day everyone

I hate hugs! Don’t fucking touch me. Pretend I’m a cactus so you keep your hands off me.