To hate hugs?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

Apart from DP hugging me (which I love), I absolutely hate hugs.
Dreading when restrictions are eased and all the huggers come out.
Aibu?

Another one who reserves hugs for DP and DC only. I’m really close to my mum but still never hug her 🤷‍♀️ I do not miss hugs.

Holly60 instead of that do us all a favour and just ask instead. Once you get it wrong you can leave that person feeling very uncomfortable for hours after. You may think it's ok to stop after that first awkward hug but I can assure you it's NOT ok. Just ask.

I don't like hugs either. I have been called a 'cold fish'. I'm really not. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside. I just don't like being hugged. Except by my lovely DC. My eldest isn't particularly huggy either though - if he snuggles up beside me, it usually means he's not well!

I used to dread visiting people because of the inevitable expectation of hugs. Their desire to hug trumped my preference to smile, say 'hello, lovely to see you' and leave it at that. The pandemic has been good for me in that respect.

I don't want a shoulder pat either. I have autism and have people touching me (bar my children and DP) I can "feel" the touch on me for ages after and hate it. A shoulder pat would also feel quite patronising.

I went without hugs for years when I didn't have a partner and was previously in a very unhappy marriage. Still didn't miss them.

Just no. No. No hugging. No patting.

Why do some people find it so hard to understand?

I truly hate the cheek kissing thing, I used to live in Luxembourg where it seemed to be expected that you would double kiss every acquaintance or colleague, not just close friends or family.
I'm not too happy about hugs either, one exception though is a lovely lady at church, who, when we share the peace, will give you a hug and say a blessing along the lines of God's love encircling and holding you, it's really comforting. She says that God gave her a ministry for hugs, she always asks first though and she doesn't go around hugging people at random.

@Susie477

I quite like hugs, but I absolutely hate that awful foreign cheek-kissing nonsense. I really, really hope that dies a permanent death. In normal times, what’s wrong with a proper British handshake, anyway?

This. Can’t bear it.

Huggers who don't ask need to ask themselves if they would be offended some came along and slapped them. Because that feeling of shock and discomfort is what you are inflicting on non huggers every time you hug without consent. Think about it.

Yanbu, I hate hugs except from DP. I tolerate them from my parents and PILs but they can probably sense me clamming up 🤣
Why do huggers assume everyone likes a hug!

Me too, I go stiff if anyone hugs me.
I thought it was just me.
I can't bear being touched

@hilariousnamehere

Some of us don't have DPs or children to hug while we freeze out everyone else with a handshake - so our friends and family are the only human contact we get.

In my case it's very much through choice but I'm still struggling a lot without being able to touch another human being for such a long time. Hugs are reassuring and make me feel loved.

I'm usually quite easy going but am getting increasingly frustrated with people who say things like "oh lockdown is fine, I've got my dh and kids" or "god don't want to hug anyone except my dp and kids". Occasionally spare a thought for those of us who have neither? Cheers.

I try not to hug people who obviously don't like it though, and if I never have to shake someone else's hand again that would be lovely

Honestly I just don’t have a need for physical contact. If I didn’t have DP (I don’t have DC) I wouldn’t miss hugs or want them from someone else instead.

@FlippinNoah
That meme sums me up! I have saved it for future use

Does anyone feel they would like to be a hugger? I sometimes wish I could be that huggy, relaxed person. It doesn't help that I'm tall and most women I know seem to be considerably shorter, so when they go for it, I end up with their face in my chest. Awkward.

I don't mind a quick hug but I hate the cheek kissing, especially when you don't really know them. So awkward and very un-Britsh

I love hugging my kids. Anyone else feels forced and awkward. Wasn’t raised with any form of physical affection, so hugging my parents still feels icky to me all these years later. I try to avoid it as it doesn’t feel ‘natural’ to me. But I promised I wouldn’t raise my kids like that and they still offer unprompted hugs as teenagers which is awesome!

I hate hugging. And people touching me. I'd love to know who decided mashing your body against someone elses body and holding them there so they can't escape was a sign of affection.

Many years ago now, when I was 18, at my Nans funeral, I was trying to clamp down on an anxiety attack after being hugged by so many strangers during the receiving line, so was stood with my sisters waiting for the cars to come round. Out of nowhere, a complete randomer, had never met her before in my life, and who i later learned was one of my aunts friends, grasped my shoulders, spun me round and seized hold of me in this giant bear hug, out of nowhere and was sobbing in my ear about how lovely my eulogy was. I could not get her to let go. My dad, seeing my face, which i'm sure could only be described as OMG get this crazy lady off me before I kick her in the knee caps, came over, and extracted me, saying it was time to get in the cars back to the wake.

By the time we got to the wake, I was ready to punch the next person who touched me without permission. That person ended up being one of my grandads cousins, who was in his 40s, and grasped hold of my shoulders and pulled me in to him so he could creepily sort of whisper shout in my ear that he would be keeping a close eye on me because its what my Nan would have wanted him to do. My mum intervened that time, when she saw the fist forming, and knowing how I feel about my personal space bubble.

Worse part is NONE of my 3 siblings were subjected to the bear hug woman, or our distant cousins creep fest. We are all close in age. I am not my parents oldest or youngest child, and am the middle of their 3 female children. It just confirmed to me that for the next "Dads family" funeral, I'm going to wear something with barbs.

Yep. Hate being hugged by people. Especially loath New Year's Eve and all the hugging and kissing that goes with it.

Luckily I'm unpopular so dont get invited to parties anymore

I was having a really hard and stressful week at work (teacher) and someone came and said something about the crafts my class had produced not being very good. They were the least arty class I have ever had and they were really challenging in general. Her comments pushed me over the edge completely and I stormed away in tears and hid in my colleagues office. She followed me and held out her arms to give me a hug. My response was to step back and tell her that hugging me would only make the situation so much worse and if she knew me at all, she’d know that. She got all offended and left.

*colleague’s office

I don’t mind hugs with a friend, but the cheek kissing weird ‘mwah’ thing is just horrible and far too formal. It’s odd because I have only ever done it with my mums side of the family, I detest it. I’d rather we either hugged or better yet, nothing at all. It gives me massive pompous ‘middle class wannabe’ vibes and it just hurts my soul.

I’m never a hug initiator though, I’ll have a hug if one is there, but I feel strange starting the hug if I don’t know for sure they’re a hugger.

No hugging and deffo no silly kissing like they do on 'Four in a Bed/Come Dine with Me... YUK !

A good strong shake of the hand will do or better still - what's wrong with a good old fashioned 'Hello'

No need for hand sanitizer. Stay a safe distance and keep your germs to yourself dear

Yes I hate them.

There is no one I am in a hurry to hug once we are allowed.

What can a non-hugger / kisser say to express that they don't want to be hugged or kissed?

I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to go through this every time I see you.

For the person who said ' How will anyone get to compliment my perfume without hugging me?' That's one reason I hate hugs. The smell of perfume I do not like as well as the trapped feeling of being in someone's embrace and desperately wanting to get away.
Coffee breath, dry lips, wet kisses on the cheek also make me want to vomit.

I can take or leave hugging (of people I am not intimate with). I’m happy to do it if it’s expected but rarely initiate it.

What drove me slightly nuts during lockdown was these people saying they craved hugs so much they thought it was impacting their mental health etc: struck me as slightly over the top and entitled.

I have an old friend who is very touchy-feely who kept banging on to me about how she was prepared to break lockdown rules to hug people she didn’t know that well.

Get a grip FFS

@Holly60 I was brought up to believe that you wore enough perfume that only someone very special would get close enough to smell it. A hint of perfume to 'invite them in', as it were. (Something that many people couldn't have been told, ime, given the overwhelming pongs coming from some at a distance of 20 feet).

I don't hate hugs. If you're my DP, my sons, my siblings, or certain friends, hugs are always welcome. One particular hug I will always cherish the memory of was from a male friend, not normally given to overt displays of affection, when I found out my dad had been diagnosed with cancer. Standing side by side, he put one arm around my shoulder, gave one pat, and let go. It meant so much.

And that's partly why I don't like strangers hugging me (that, and the fact that I don't want ANY strangers touching me)- hugs are special, for special (to me) relationships.

Apologies for the over-enthusiastic use of the word 'special' in my post above!