To hate hugs?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

Apart from DP hugging me (which I love), I absolutely hate hugs.
Dreading when restrictions are eased and all the huggers come out.
Aibu?

I have found my people.

I hate it but most people know that now lol

@NameChangedForThisFeb21 to be fair I don’t usually make the mistake twice. That awful ick feeling you non-huggers get with any hug is for me reserved for what I call the ‘awkward hugger’. Stiff, hunched and clearly uncomfortable hugs don’t do much for the serial hugger either to be honest and once I realise someone isn’t a good hugger I don’t tend to go back for another one . I give it a good go to see if they will relax once they realise how good my hugs are and if not I’ll let them off the hook 😂. The thing is, and it’s so funny the way our brains work isn’t it, but serial huggers actually feel sorry for non-huggers, because we feel you must need a bit of human affection to ‘warm you up’ as it were, and that makes us want to hug you even more. But I will stop I promise, from now on that is my pledge to you!

To be fair, when I think about it I’ve not actually met many non-huggers IRL but from now on I will do my utmost to respect someone’s right to be a non-hugger if I do actually ever cross their path.

Have an appropriately distanced funny little hand wave from me everyone

I hug my kids & DH & a few really close friends. I really, really hate that DH's family expect me to hug AND kiss them. Gross. They know better than to try now. Lol. Now MIL just complains I refuse to call her mum & how weird we don't kiss relatives on the mouth. Also extremely gross to me.

To be fair, when I think about it I’ve not actually met many non-huggers IRL but from now on I will do my utmost to respect someone’s right to be a non-hugger if I do actually ever cross their path.

My guess is that you’ve met quite a few but they’re too polite to tell you to bugger off with your hugs! With strangers, I am unlikely to tell them that I do NOT hug. My mother taught me to be polite but I wish she had taught me body autonomy instead. Even if I give off all the signals of not wanting a hug, people still think they have some sort of right to shove themselves against my body and squeeze me. You proved that with your earlier comment @Holly60

@LemonSherbetFancies

Urgh yes, kissing on cheek, also revolting. Glad I have found my tribe here. I just don't want anyones body except my DP's up against my own. A few years back there was a 'hug a stranger' type movement. This woman came up in the street and hugged me and I flung her back so far that (no joke) she nearly fell in the nearby bin.

I always tell people I don't like hugs and don't want them. Never be worried about saying that.

Someone at work said it was national hug day after she suddenly leapt at someone else and forced a hug on them. The look of horror on everyone’s face! I’m just glad it wasn’t me she hugged or I might have punched her. Unintentional reflex of course...

I'm a hug hater, probably because I'm very short, so am always the smaller party in a hug situation.
I get the creeping horror of the "slow hugger offensive", and my face is boob/armpit height on most people, bringing extra dread to the situation.
This no-hug year has been wonderful, if we could keep the social distancing I'd be very happy though I want indoor cafes and charity shops back open

I give it a good go to see if they will relax once they realise how good my hugs are and if not I’ll let them off the hook

Sorry, but do you have any idea how arrogant this sounds? Any other kind of inappropriate and unwanted body touching would probably get you a slap or shove. Why do 'serial huggers' think it's ok to touch someone else without their permission?

Serial huggers need to learn that they can't go around invading other people's personal space just because they feel like it. Keep your hands to yourself.

I get the creeping horror of the "slow hugger offensive"

I think I’ve found a solution to this. It started with a very creepy stranger coming in for a hug and I had the usual “freeze” response a lot of women have when a creep attempts unwanted physical contact. Except, this time I’d already been stood with my arms firmly folded across my chest. So I “froze” in that position, giving creepy hug attempter a barrier (and no access to my breasts). The confused look on his face was priceless. He clearly expected me to drop my arms and let him hug me. But they were firmly stuck and I didn’t budge. He actually reversed and came in for another, slow hugger style again . My arms were still folded. He said “haha, I’m trying to give you a nice cuddle,
Love!” I managed to say, “I don’t want any physical contact with strangers. No.” He turned on his heel and left without another word.

But I’ve since used it for the “serial hug” sorts that think their need for a hug trumps anyone’s right to bodily autonomy. If I know someone has form, at the usual time the unwanted hugs are doled out, the arms get folded across the chest and remain there until the coast is clear. Works a charm.

@User27aw

Is it a newish thing? I'm 48 and I can't remember everyone hugging each other all the time years ago.

I’m similar age, and remember meeting people people at uni who would want to hug. It was a total revelation to me. We don’t hug either - British stiff upper lip and all that. I feel it’s one of those social etiquette/what’s-currently-pc memos I didn’t get.

Just been reading the Dry Wipe thread. Wonder if the germaphobes on there like to hug? I’m a self-proclaimed slattern by those standards, but the lack of hugging is more of a physical reaction. If you hug, surely you are entering someone’s germ-filled personal space!

to be fair I don’t usually make the mistake twice. That awful ick feeling you non-huggers get with any hug is for me reserved for what I call the ‘awkward hugger’. Stiff, hunched and clearly uncomfortable hugs don’t do much for the serial hugger either to be honest and once I realise someone isn’t a good hugger I don’t tend to go back for another one grin. I give it a good go to see if they will relax once they realise how good my hugs are and if not I’ll let them off the hook 😂.

Do you realise how badly this comes across? Especially the last sentence. Stop trying to push your body on people. It’s nothing to do with them not being a “good hugger”, our hugs with people we want hugs from are great, it’s do with the fact they don’t want YOU to hug them. We aren’t sad people that need to warm up. You need to respect other people’s personal space. First time round.

@Sandgrown1970

I admire you so much! I will be using that technique. I’ve made sure I was holding DD1 whenever DH’s family were doing the hug rounds. She’s too old for that now but luckily I’ve got DD2 now.

Totally agree, loathe hugging, only good about this last year.

[quote BeingATwatItsABingThing]@Sandgrown1970

I admire you so much! I will be using that technique. I’ve made sure I was holding DD1 whenever DH’s family were doing the hug rounds. She’s too old for that now but luckily I’ve got DD2 now.[/quote]
Haha! I recognise that technique too. Small child across the body, medium sized dog, answering the door to the extended in laws with the cat in my arms, always being the one with the arms laden full of Christmas Presents and offering to set them down at the tree rather than hand them over (you lose your barrier object, you get hugged!), holding a huge coat or handbag...barrier objects are a great technique!

The lack of hugging this past year has been the only positive out of this, and it’s been a real joy!

I’m 52 and Scottish, and can’t work out when, or why, hugging became a thing. I hate it.

Sand what on Earth makes you believe you are a 'good hugger' ?

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

To be fair, when I think about it I’ve not actually met many non-huggers IRL but from now on I will do my utmost to respect someone’s right to be a non-hugger if I do actually ever cross their path.

My guess is that you’ve met quite a few but they’re too polite to tell you to bugger off with your hugs! With strangers, I am unlikely to tell them that I do NOT hug. My mother taught me to be polite but I wish she had taught me body autonomy instead. Even if I give off all the signals of not wanting a hug, people still think they have some sort of right to shove themselves against my body and squeeze me. You proved that with your earlier comment @Holly60

As a hugger, I’m able to tell you that we can definitely tell every time when someone is a non-hugger. To us it’s like you are missing a vital skill 😂 we just want to help you learn it because it is soooooooo good 😂 that extra squeeze we give you is to cover our embarrassment at discovering your weakness- we don’t want you to be embarrassed and probably over-compensate really (sorry 😬) we are definitely thinking ‘awww no they didn’t get enough hugs as a child, now I need to hug them even more poor love’. My granny status has definitely made this instinct worse I’m afraid. But once again I will try to remember that you just bloody hate hugs, even if it seems anathema to us serial-huggers. Normally I would accompany an apology with a hug but I’ll stick to an awkward shoulder pat as I apologise to you once again

There should be a “please don’t hug me” lanyard.

Yes! I would buy this.

@Ragwort

Sand what on Earth makes you believe you are a 'good hugger' ?

Arrogance!

A friend of mine worked in a global firm in Casablanca. Literally everyone kissed everyone on both cheeks on arriving at the office in the morning. Even her boss! I find this utterly horrifying.

@Sandgrown1970

to be fair I don’t usually make the mistake twice. That awful ick feeling you non-huggers get with any hug is for me reserved for what I call the ‘awkward hugger’. Stiff, hunched and clearly uncomfortable hugs don’t do much for the serial hugger either to be honest and once I realise someone isn’t a good hugger I don’t tend to go back for another one grin. I give it a good go to see if they will relax once they realise how good my hugs are and if not I’ll let them off the hook 😂.

Do you realise how badly this comes across? Especially the last sentence. Stop trying to push your body on people. It’s nothing to do with them not being a “good hugger”, our hugs with people we want hugs from are great, it’s do with the fact they don’t want YOU to hug them. We aren’t sad people that need to warm up. You need to respect other people’s personal space. First time round.

Oh goodness sorry didn’t mean to offend. I’m just being silly really not serious. Life is too short really, don’t you think. It’s just I love a good hug, it genuinely makes me feel better. But don’t listen to or get upset by silly old me, I don’t know anything!

As a hugger, I’m able to tell you that we can definitely tell every time when someone is a non-hugger.

And yet you still insist on doing it? That’s like a grouper knowing their victim didn’t want their arse squeezed but did it anyway!

To us it’s like you are missing a vital skill 😂 we just want to help you learn it because it is soooooooo good 😂 that extra squeeze we give you is to cover our embarrassment at discovering your weakness- we don’t want you to be embarrassed and probably over-compensate really (sorry 😬) we are definitely thinking ‘awww no they didn’t get enough hugs as a child, now I need to hug them even more poor love’.

I had a very loving childhood thanks. Don’t need you to fix that for me. It won’t help me at all as I have sensory issues around being touched.

My granny status has definitely made this instinct worse I’m afraid. But once again I will try to remember that you just bloody hate hugs, even if it seems anathema to us serial-huggers. Normally I would accompany an apology with a hug but I’ll stick to an awkward shoulder pat as I apologise to you once again

No need for the shoulder pat either. Just keep your hands to yourself!

Please assume that no one wants a hug! Try asking if you can hug them and respect the answer they give you.

*groper not grouper

I have asd and hate hugging. I'll hug my partner and adult children because they need it and I'm comfortable with them. Anyone else, just please no. Back the fuck off. You're making me anxious and uncomfortable and I don't like it.