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Original poster

To ask you for a short and quick response to these microaggressive questions/comments?

242 replies

CarrotIsApple · 23/03/2021 16:08

Where are you actually from?

You are so articulate

You look exotic

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!

My manager (female) is crazy!

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?

Are you an Intern? You look so young

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..

When I see you I dont see colour

Everyone can succeed if they work harder

You are too pretty for science

Feel free to add examples you need quick and polite but very hard hitting response to

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 23/03/2021 16:14

It might not work for them all but I often find that when people say certain things a terse or abrupt “excuse me” and unimpressed face communicates that they’ve been rude or offensive and leaves them floundering a bit. If they then repeat the same comment without recognising it’s offensive I then say yes I was giving you a Chance to recognise that what you said was inappropriate or offensive

Francescaisstressed · 23/03/2021 16:34

You're pretty for a big girl. Always annoys but can never think of a response.

DaysAreGettingLongerNow · 23/03/2021 16:37

When I see you I dont see colour

You might want to get that checked out.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 23/03/2021 16:44

With the "where are you really from" - I would be very tempted to play with them

Them - but where are your parents from?
You - OK, you mean originally - Ireland
Them - I mean before that ?
You - oh I see, well my DF is from Germany .

Just keep going until they ask "why are you brown ?" Grin.

clarazabel · 23/03/2021 16:48

Hm. Had something similar recently. I made an obvious mistake when I asked someone where they were from - they were white (as I am) but had a strong accent I wasn't used to. Thought I was trying to make conversation and was met with a shed load of attitude. Won't bloody bother again....I was genuinely interested but have learnt my lesson now. Making conversation is HARD sometimes. I would like to say I'm not so socially stunted that I'd say any of the other things though

Doingtheboxerbeat · 23/03/2021 16:59

@clarazabel - actually yours is different. My example is when you meet 2 people who have grown up together in the same town (so same accent), but one is white and the other isn't but it's the non white one that will be questioned endlessly. It's a form of othering, and it's tiresome.

LucieStar · 23/03/2021 17:01

How is "where are you actually from?" aggressive? My accent is different to the region where I live because I grew up in a different part of the country but my accent is an easy one to place, so I get asked this a lot. Or "where are you from originally? You don't sound local!". I've literally not once found this offensive.

LucieStar · 23/03/2021 17:02

Is not* an easy one to place, I meant!

marigoldflower · 23/03/2021 17:03

OP, the problem in my view is that you have a mixed bag of comments on your list.

For some, I struggle to see the aggression e.g.

You are too pretty for science/You look exotic ---> I would take them as compliments?
Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it? ---> I would think someone really found a name hard to pronounce?

When I was a kid/teenager 30+ years ago (admittedly different times), sometimes people wanted to touch my hair or were curious about something regarding my appearance and it never occurred to me to get offended.

So, my take on it is, some comments may be microaggressions but some aren't, so it's not helpful to be so defensive all the time (unless someone is actually - or repeatedly- insulting, obviously)

DanFmDorking · 23/03/2021 17:03

@Francescaisstressed - You're pretty for a big girl.

I can loose weight - you're stuck with that face.

StoneofDestiny · 23/03/2021 17:07

Where are you actually from?
why?

You are so articulate
Thank you

You look exotic
thank you

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!
why?

My manager (female) is crazy!
why?

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
No

Are you an Intern? You look so young
Thank you

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..
big wow

When I see you I dont see colour
have you seen an optician?

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
can they aye

You are too pretty for science
why?

clarazabel · 23/03/2021 17:08

@Doingtheboxerbeat - Ah yeah I can see why that would be annoying - just rude and I don't know what I'd say. Sorry I haven't any witty come backs for you - but loving the name, taking me back to dungarees and flat caps in the 80s!

StoneofDestiny · 23/03/2021 17:09

When I lived in England for many years I was always asked where I was actually from. Never saw it as an insult.

EarthieBear · 23/03/2021 17:11

You don't look disabled.

Saying that is islamaphobic (when discussing misogny).

I'm a man and therefore feel more responsible for my children than you do.

I know it is wrong but I do not trust anything women say and I am never going to change

StoneofDestiny · 23/03/2021 17:11

My example is when you meet 2 people who have grown up together in the same town (so same accent), but one is white and the other isn't but it's the non white one that will be questioned endlessly. It's a form of othering, and it's tiresome

Just bat it back - why are you asking me that with a big smile and look of bewilderment 😊 .

Gerla · 23/03/2021 17:11

I don't really understand why the name one is offensive - at least they asked and you can say no. I don't love it when people change my name without asking but perhaps they do find it hard to pronounce.

missfliss · 23/03/2021 17:12

sorry i don't understand the articulate one - is it assuming the english is not first language, is that why it's a microagression?

Sn0tnose · 23/03/2021 17:13

I quite like one raised eyebrow and an ‘I beg your pardon?’ And, if necessary, followed up with a ‘Do you not think that’s an inappropriate thing to say to someone?’

Doingtheboxerbeat · 23/03/2021 17:13

@LucieStar if you ( a white person for example) say you are from Manchester, people will except that but if your non white friend with the axact same accent says the same thing , that won't necessarily be the end of the question and may be asked again where are they from originally.

It's not necessarily offensive but it can make some feel singled out .

EarthieBear · 23/03/2021 17:14

Where are you actually from?

A meeting between an egg and a sperm, one in a several million chance meet up)

You are so articulate

You look exotic

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!

i probably would not love them, I'm not a people person and have a bad tendency to bite

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?

yes, from this point forwards I will refer to you as Dick Cheese, I assume that is OK too?

EarthieBear · 23/03/2021 17:14

Oh, I just read the last sentence of the OP and it mentions polite.

I don't do polite at the moment.

StoneofDestiny · 23/03/2021 17:15

You don't look disabled

Answer - I'm not, I simply have a disability

FluffyHippo · 23/03/2021 17:15

You know, don't you, that 'microaggressions' don't actually exist? It's a made-up word referring to other people's lack of tact and social ineptitude - plain old rudeness, in other words.

The term was invented so that everyone could feel like a victim, which is the big thing currently. If people are rude to you like this, just call them out on it. Stop thinking you're a victim and start acting like someone who's not going to put up with rudeness from idiots,

StoneofDestiny · 23/03/2021 17:16

I'm a man and therefore feel more responsible for my children than you do

😂😂😂 Do you, Aye😂😂😂

lagerandblack · 23/03/2021 17:17

How are these comments aggressive OP?