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Original poster

To ask you for a short and quick response to these microaggressive questions/comments?

242 replies

CarrotIsApple · 23/03/2021 16:08

Where are you actually from?

You are so articulate

You look exotic

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!

My manager (female) is crazy!

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?

Are you an Intern? You look so young

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..

When I see you I dont see colour

Everyone can succeed if they work harder

You are too pretty for science

Feel free to add examples you need quick and polite but very hard hitting response to

OP posts:
MAMATOBI · 23/03/2021 18:22

@Doingtheboxerbeat

With the "where are you really from" - I would be very tempted to play with them

Them - but where are your parents from?
You - OK, you mean originally - Ireland
Them - I mean before that ?
You - oh I see, well my DF is from Germany .

Just keep going until they ask "why are you brown ?" Grin.

@Doingtheboxerbeat Grin
Sillysandy · 23/03/2021 18:24

@Sn0tnose

I quite like one raised eyebrow and an ‘I beg your pardon?’ And, if necessary, followed up with a ‘Do you not think that’s an inappropriate thing to say to someone?’
Yes this sounds like my style or

"What a strange remark"
"Why are you askign me that / saying that to me?"

Then... Nothing. Make no attempt to fill the uncomfortable silence.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 23/03/2021 18:25

Oh, the "Where are you really from?" question really pisses me off too. Depending on the tone of the conversation in general, I sometimes answer with, "Oh, you're asking because I'm brown?" It usually makes them feel rightfully uncomfortable.

Sillysandy · 23/03/2021 18:25

@Palavah

Works for almost everything :

Head tilt, wry smile, "what a bizarre thing to say" continue wry smile and carry on with your business

Yes! Works for everything.
MorrisZapp · 23/03/2021 18:26

Is crazy a problem? I don't understand that one.

Sillysandy · 23/03/2021 18:27

The "where are you actually from" is ridiculous. I am white and I never get it. My DP is brown and does.

Could you try

"I just told you where I'm from. Do you want me to tell you again?"

DanFmDorking · 23/03/2021 18:28

Where are you actually from?
"A Galaxy far, far away."

You are so articulate
"Articulate? That's a big word for you."

My manager (female) is crazy!
"Dealing with you I'm not surprised"

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
"Somewhere … there is a village short of an idiot!"

You are too pretty for science
"Out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest?"

Nesski · 23/03/2021 18:32

@standupsitdownturnaround please don't let this conversation make you feel like you can't ask the question, timing and appropriateness is key! I would find it weird if a new colleague came in and asked me where I'm from, not due to inappropriateness but because there is so much other things to talk about, it mainly comes out casually in conversation but not a 'get to know you on the first week' question if that makes sense.

babbaloushka · 23/03/2021 18:36

The meanest response I've ever given was "Would you describe yourself as a low IQ individual?". To be fair, I was a week postpartum, in hospital for complications and being bothered by a relative of another patient about my "interesting" (mixed race) child.

Merename · 23/03/2021 18:40

@Warsawa31

The word micro aggression really boils my piss.
Why?
JustSaying101 · 23/03/2021 18:41

The where are you actually from question: There does seem to be an obsession with some people who wish to find out people's exact origins, despite giving an answer which is acceptable to most people. Some people continue to probe, maybe through being nosy or out of pure interest.

Once you've said your answer, you could say, 'Whoa, you're really interested in this stuff aren't you?! Have you ever considered being in the Genealogy industry?' Or... 'Next time I'm in work, I'll bring in my Family Tree results for you to look at!'

SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo · 23/03/2021 18:48

You are too pretty for science

“Well it looks like they haven’t made an upper limit for ugly so why should they make one for pretty?”

LemonDrizzles · 23/03/2021 18:49

Where are you actually from?
I get this a lot. It helps that the person asking is typically British or Anglophile and I am actually born in England. i therefore answer the place in England I was born. And then the place I spent my first few years. Follow with, and where are you from?

Are you an Intern? You look so young
always a look that says "what the fuck" and "is this person really asking me this question"

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
"No, that is just not possible. You need time and resources." and also that line about talent meeting opportunity

You are too pretty for science
See above, the what the fuck look

BrownFootStool · 23/03/2021 18:52

I once asked a new colleague where she was from, meaning whereabouts in the city we are from.

She assumed I was asking about her heritage. I still felt embarrassed even thought that isn't what I meant at all. But I didn't want to embarrass her by correcting her either. So I just said 'oh. And whereabouts in Townchester'?

That's one of those awkward situations that I still think about from time to time.

expectopelargonium · 23/03/2021 18:53

You are too pretty for science
"Oh... are you a scientist then?".

Mendocino · 23/03/2021 18:56

This reminds me of a parents evening a few years ago.
We were treated to a speech about all the wonderful mix of backgrounds. Followed by ‘ and where are you from? ‘
We answered with the name of a norther town. Most of the other parents were also British.
As we were leaving, my husband muttered something about feeling like the staff seemed to feel they were involved in missionary work.

MizMoonshine · 23/03/2021 19:05

Where are you actually from?
Are you asking why I am the colour I am? Say what you mean. I'm from the place I said I'm from.

You are so articulate
Thank you.

You look exotic
I taste it, too.

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!
Thanks, it's always great to know other people with shared experiences.

My manager (female) is crazy!
Is she giving you a hard time? Would you like to talk about it?

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
Actually I would prefer you to call me by my name. I'll help you get around the pronunciation.

Are you an Intern? You look so young
No, but thank you.

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..
Cool. I also love my hair. I haven't always though and for some people it's a sensitive subject. Thank you for the compliment.

When I see you I dont see colour
You're a fucking idiot.

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
True.

You are too pretty for science
Ah yes, all scientists are hideous bridge trolls. I am superior to all of them.

youshallnotpass9 · 23/03/2021 19:07

Sorry haven't read the full thread

But the can I touch your hair?
Me: N......
Them touching my hair.

Me saying fuck off and them going but I only wanted a feel.

merryhouse · 23/03/2021 19:10

If it helps, fellow white people, I believe the term "micro-aggressions" was coined to describe the effect they have rather than the intent. (Though bear in mind: if someone tells you you're treading on their foot, the correct response is not to berate them for making you feel bad, but to say sorry and move.)

"Where are you from?" depends, as has been pointed out, on context (though "where are you actually from?" almost invariably doesn't). In the situation described by a PP where a significant proportion of people are foreigners or immigrants it's a perfectly reasonable conversation point. Otherwise it might be better to say something like "I can't place your accent - where's it from?"

Not actually got any more ideas on the responses front. When people used to remark how young I looked I'd say something about genetics ("my dad used to tell us we'd be glad of it one day").

"you're too pretty for science" - "did you not hear the 1927 Igor Act was repealed?"

"would you prefer it if I were called Augustina-Gwendolyn Featherstonehaugh-Cholmondely-Belvoir?"

Tal45 · 23/03/2021 19:10

I'm always hesitant to ask people their heritage in case they take it badly, I'm just interested because I love to travel. I also tend to shorten everyone's names too whenever I can, no need to have a long/difficult one.
Understand your irritation though OP x

merryhouse · 23/03/2021 19:13

@expectopelargonium

You are too pretty for science "Oh... are you a scientist then?".
Oh, this one wins!
youshallnotpass9 · 23/03/2021 19:17

I also tend to shorten everyone's names too whenever I can, no need to have a long/difficult one.

I find it really rude when someone shortens my name.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 23/03/2021 19:30

I also tend to shorten everyone's names too whenever I can, no need to have a long/difficult one.

That’s your decision to make?

Nesski · 23/03/2021 19:40

@Tal45 I hope you don't do this on your own accord, it's incredibly insulting if you do based on how you've phrased your wording

whenwewereveryyoung · 23/03/2021 19:46

Micro-aggressions is a great term. It finally expresses that feeling where something makes you feel bad but also not comfortable raising it for fear of sounding petty or overreacting. And it just becomes death by a thousand cuts.

Also: if in the slightest doubt, don't ask a person where they're from. Just don't fucking do it. Is that so hard?

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