To ask you for a short and quick response to these microaggressive questions/comments?

[CarrotIsApple]

Where are you actually from?

You are so articulate

You look exotic

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!

My manager (female) is crazy!

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?

Are you an Intern? You look so young

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..

When I see you I dont see colour

Everyone can succeed if they work harder

You are too pretty for science

Feel free to add examples you need quick and polite but very hard hitting response to

@Sssloou a white person asking a black person (or any ethnic minority) where they’re from when they aren’t in a friendship with the person they’re asking definitely is a racial thing. They are implying that that person isn’t originally from the country they’re in - especially when it’s followed up like so: “where are you from?” “Glasgow, can’t complain really. It’s got some lovely parks.” “No, I mean, where are you really from??” “Glasgow you cunt.”

Where are you actually from?
Bradford, but my family is originally from Pakistan. (Replace locations with actual ones.)

You are so articulate
Thank you

You look exotic
That's a weird thing to say.

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!
Always good to meet new friends.

My manager (female) is crazy!
A lot of people hate their boss.

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
It depends what to.

Are you an Intern? You look so young
Thank you for the compliment, yes I am an intern/no I've been here for seven years.

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..
No, it's a wig.

When I see you I dont see colour
That's because I'm ill, it's made me pale.

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
That's fucking bullshit you stupid fucking cunt.

You are too pretty for science
Is beauty a science or an art?

I know that asking about a person’s cultural heritage is likely to cause offence and so I never do it but honestly I think it’s a pity that people get so offended by it. Cultural differences are interesting and awareness promotes understanding so I wish we could be open about it.

I actually complimented quite a few native english speakers on how articulate they are. Sometimes it's really impressive and let's be frank, most people aren't notably articulate. That includes me. Who should I not say it to?

eyebrow raise and 'did you mean to be so rude/racist?'

I often get the thinly veiled fat comments, if I gave a shit what anyone thought I'd ask. Same with curly hair 'can I touch it' or uninvited touching, 'your hair is so frizzy! Have you tried x, y and z?' I wish my response was quippy like 'yeah I have, I wish my hair was as flat and lifeless as yours' but it's usually 'I'm happy with the products I have thanks'

I like the pp who said turn the question, and ask them what they are really asking

where are you from?
Do you mean what ethnicity I am?
Are you asking because I am not white?

You look too young/pretty etc
Are you concerned that I am not fully qualified for this role?

I love your hair/can I change your name/introduce you to my gay friend?
Are you having trouble working with a diverse team? Perhaps you coudl ask HR for some training.

dead pan, turn it round and question why they are asking.

@MeltsAway

How is "where are you actually from?" aggressive?

Because it suggests that you shouldn’t be here

The question is very othering. It’s really annoying - you start to realise how resistant to difference quite a lot of British people are. I’m white, I have family roots to a particular place that are traceable for about 500 years but because I’ve also lived outside Britain and don’t have my “natural “ accent, I get the “You’re not from round here. Where are you from?”

Really irritating - it suggests the questioner has the right to decide whether I belong.

I couldn’t disagree more. Part of the strength of a diverse society is embracing difference and not the colour blindness that you seem to suggest to be more acceptable. A question like this out of genuine curiosity surely helps to gain a deeper understanding of each other’s heritage. Are black people who ask me that question telling me I don’t belong here? Whilst I understand that micro aggressions do exist ( and the OP contains genuine examples) to suggest that a query about where one is from is always on account of racism is hyper sensitive and shuts down any genuine interest. This is such a binary approach.

I forgot to add that I’m bloody proud of my Caribbean ethnicity and so I have no problem in talking about it to people who show a genuine interest.

For me, the where are you from question I don't mind.
Its the follow up question no where are you really from, that gets me.

Ebony999 yes, as I am of my Irish heritage. Why not express interest in another culture?

I think you're getting worked up over nothing for some of those comments. People talk shit. I CBA to be judgemental over everything everyone says. If you wanted to make someone squirm you could have asked the person offering to introduce you to their gay mate what they think youd have in common.

"When i see you I don't see colour" deserves an eyebrow but I'd rise above it. They mean well.

I had a hospital visit a couple of months ago. The nurse asked me where I was from, I explained I was born and grew up in a certain city in England which is why my accent wasn’t southern. She looked puzzled and said but which country are you from? I’m mixed race, and it gets tiring.
The best line I heard was when a man thought he was chatting me up by telling me he’d never had one of me before as if I was some sort of collector toy. Funnily enough I declined his offer of a drink.

The best line I heard was when a man thought he was chatting me up by telling me he’d never had one of me before as if I was some sort of collector toy. Funnily enough I declined his offer of a drink.

Oh yes. They do this to us with accents too🤦 morons

You look exotic
I taste it, too

@MizMoonshine you made me laugh out loud with this.

It’s worrying that so many people are so socially inept that they don’t realise how these questions can be offensive in some contexts.

The “where are you really from?” one absolutely is offensive. Even after stating where I was born, I was asked where my parents were from. The person only stopped when I said “why do you ask?”, and she acted as if I was contaminated after that.

Change the narrative - answer their questions with "why?" or "can you explain what you mean by that?" and watch them squirm

To those ignorant enough to think microagressions don't exist or think the phrase "boils their piss" (bork) - you've clearly never been on the receiving end of these comments and the implications they carry. You cannot brush off small comments thinking they're meaningless, when for the people on the receiving end are asked or told these things over and over and over

My OH would tell you how tiresome it is to go through the same motions every time he meets someone new and is asked where he's really from/can someone shorten his name/having his name lazily mispronounced. It's absolutely an issue and no one has the right to deny that microagressions exist

@LucieStar

How is "where are you actually from?" aggressive? My accent is different to the region where I live because I grew up in a different part of the country but my accent is an easy one to place, so I get asked this a lot. Or "where are you from originally? You don't sound local!". I've literally not once found this offensive.

As a black woman, when you get asked where are you actually from, it generally tends to be aggressive, as the assumption is that I wasn’t born in this country, despite my protestations to the contrary...

Oh and I would tell anyone who says they don't see colour to fuck right off

The gay one too - why assume that people will be friends or romantically interested just because they're gay? No one tells me "oh you're straight! So is my friend/colleague/family member - they'd love you!"

"where are you from"
"XXX place, where are you from?"
"No, where are you actually from" (this is where the micro-agression comes in normally)
"XXX place, where are you actually from?" (you are just repeating their own question back, so it cant be seen as impolite etc if thats important. But it shows up the illogicalness of their own question. Of course if it is just a socially inept person who is interested in other peoples backstories no matter their race (and has completely missed all the reasons this question can be tactless) then they will happily launch into a monologue about their own family history/great grandparents from France etc)

Where are you actually from?
“My parents came from Jamaica, but I’m London through and through! Where are YOU actually from?” with a slight smile as you ask.

You are so articulate
“Why thank you! In this job I guess I need to be...”

You look exotic
“Ooh - wait, is my outfit too outre?”

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!
“Not sure how my wife/gf would feel about that!”

My manager (female) is crazy!
To a male “Do you mean she’s assertive?” To a female “Nothing like the Sisterhood to provide support, eh?”

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
“I’d prefer not - shall I break it down for you to make it easier to remember?”

Are you an Intern? You look so young
“Oh, stop it - I’m blushing!”

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..
“It’s not a shared asset, you know!”

When I see you I dont see colour
“Why would you draw attention to it then?”

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
“Than whom?”

You are too pretty for science
“Hang on a minute, are we back in the 1950’s?”

Grace, grace and grace - always wins, but no problem showing mild irritation - with a smile, of course!

Whilst I understand that micro aggressions do exist ( and the OP contains genuine examples) to suggest that a query about where one is from is always on account of racism is hyper sensitive and shuts down any genuine interest.

Hugely ironic on a thread where many people - of all colours - are indicating that the "Where are you from?" question is othering, that you deny someone's lived personal experience of constantly being asked this question.

[quote CatsHairEverywhere]@Sssloou a white person asking a black person (or any ethnic minority) where they’re from when they aren’t in a friendship with the person they’re asking definitely is a racial thing. They are implying that that person isn’t originally from the country they’re in - especially when it’s followed up like so: “where are you from?” “Glasgow, can’t complain really. It’s got some lovely parks.” “No, I mean, where are you really from??” “Glasgow you cunt.”[/quote]
Yes come on this is very rude to say to someone, if not actively racist. Many friends have complained about people saying this to them as if its a "friendly question". That is not how it feels and it not how they take it.

No they won't shout at you but you just put yourself in the ignorant box, and if you keep going, the racist box.

@Notjustanymum

Where are you actually from? “My parents came from Jamaica, but I’m London through and through! Where are YOU actually from?” with a slight smile as you ask.

You are so articulate
“Why thank you! In this job I guess I need to be...”

You look exotic
“Ooh - wait, is my outfit too outre?”

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!
“Not sure how my wife/gf would feel about that!”

My manager (female) is crazy!
To a male “Do you mean she’s assertive?” To a female “Nothing like the Sisterhood to provide support, eh?”

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?
“I’d prefer not - shall I break it down for you to make it easier to remember?”

Are you an Intern? You look so young
“Oh, stop it - I’m blushing!”

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..
“It’s not a shared asset, you know!”

When I see you I dont see colour
“Why would you draw attention to it then?”

Everyone can succeed if they work harder
“Than whom?”

You are too pretty for science
“Hang on a minute, are we back in the 1950’s?”

Grace, grace and grace - always wins, but no problem showing mild irritation - with a smile, of course!

The responses are great but people who ask stuff like this are just so bloody tedious. Its the pretence at interest and friendliness that grates.

Actually, it just makes people feel shut out. A good dose of sarcasm is good for people so stupid or passive aggressive as to ask these.

@FluffyHippo

You know, don't you, that 'microaggressions' don't actually exist? It's a made-up word referring to other people's lack of tact and social ineptitude - plain old rudeness, in other words.

The term was invented so that everyone could feel like a victim, which is the big thing currently. If people are rude to you like this, just call them out on it. Stop thinking you're a victim and start acting like someone who's not going to put up with rudeness from idiots,

Yes. Yes. And a million times, yes!

I ask so many UK natives where are they from because the diversity of accents is fascinating.

So is "Where are you from" not ok towards not white person even if it's not followed by dumdum "no, really" but "oh lovely" or something like that?