To ask you for a short and quick response to these microaggressive questions/comments?

[CarrotIsApple]

Where are you actually from?

You are so articulate

You look exotic

You are gay? Let me introduce you to my friend who is also gay...she/he would love you!

My manager (female) is crazy!

Your name is so hard to pronounce, can I shorten it?

Are you an Intern? You look so young

Is that your real hair? Ohh I love afro! My friend had it but hers was longer..

When I see you I dont see colour

Everyone can succeed if they work harder

You are too pretty for science

Feel free to add examples you need quick and polite but very hard hitting response to

I'm a pale freckled person, who had pale, hairless babies. Mine look so unhealthy alongside babies with darker skin tone

This does not make any sense either. They cannot assume someone who's pale is unhealthy

While I've learned that I shouldn't all this question, it bothers me that it's assumed that anyone who asks where someone is from, is being racist. I've clearly messed up no end of times through my life, because travel is my passion, and when I hear a familiar accent I've often asked someone where they're from, thinking that we might be able to make a connection. I'd never had a bad reaction until the last time I asked someone (who I actually had known for a while and we got on well) what her family heritage was. She wasn't rude or unpleasant, but I could tell I'd got it wrong.

Pushing it with the 'actually' I understand. But otherwise, trying to connect with someone through interest in them, is surely not so incredibly rare that one can assume that 99% of people asking, are racist?

It happens more often than it doesn’t. Which means every time it’s asked you are waiting for it to happen.

Whether it is racist by intention or not it is still othering.

It’s this.

But yes basically the question was ‘where are you from?’ X ‘no but where are your parents from ?’ X X (English towns) - ‘but where were their parents from ?’ Etc . They were really asking ‘why are you brown?’

I imagine it’s the same for international adopters or adoptees. It’s the endless having to explain your history. It’s tiring. It’s private. It’s invasive.

The only one of them my OH really gets is the "where are you from?"

She says Croydon in such a way that it doesn't normally get a follow up

No one ever asks where I'm from, despite being an actual foreigner

While I enjoy a snappy return, I have got myself in trouble for being rude so now content myself by repeating their question ' you are asking where I am really from ' and adding 'that's nice' with a smile.

I tell myself that my dignity is important or as Michelle Obama would say 'when they go low, we go high'.

@mustlovegin I was talking about myself! My D.C. tended to look washed out and peaky. I'm from a fair skinned family, we weren't taught to love our fairness and freckles. We're glow in the dark pale, skimmed milk blue/white, and think darker skin tones are far more attractive. So I say nothing, as comments are not appreciated.

we weren't taught to love our fairness and freckles

Fairness and freckles should be loved too

I have been asked stuff like this my whole life. And I've suffered very overt racism and sexism too.

I just cannot get that het up about it.

Yes I'm also articulate, exotic/forrin looking, fat, clever, curly haired, unusual name, young looking for my age.....

What is the point of this thread?

If someone ignorant and bigoted asked me stupid questions, I'd either just answer and roll my eyes or maybe toy with them a little by asking why they are asking and watch them squirm. But I wouldn't get all upset by it. You can't change stupid. Or educate people who are entrenched in the 70s or whatever.

Sometimes people unintentionally drog massive clangers. I had a colleague I didn't work with very closely so didn't see much. Anyway, one day I walked in and noticed her skin was absolutely glowing. Golden and so good looking. I asked if she'd been on holiday. She replied no, I'm mixed race. I then obviously had to dig myself out of the hole but ended digging a bigger one because I sounded not genuine at all because who takes six months to notice their colleague is gorgeous. (I'm not very observant, this happens all the time but people don't notice as much)

I'm bad at not noticing hair cuts either so would probably say something about an afro if I thought it was a change.

PS I know no one likes their own hair, but if you get a lot of hair comments it may be because it's gorgeous. No one comments on my hair and that speaks volumes.

If someone said you sound like hard work to have an ordinary conversation with, I suppose that would added to your microagression list!

@RobboCop

It may be "innocent curiosity", but people shouldn't have to put up with being touched if they don't want to be. People's bodies are not public property.

As you said, maybe it is a woman thing, as a lot of us have had to deal with unwanted touching throughout our lives, so maybe we're more onto it and less likely to see it as innocent.

Shocked at how many people on here think it's a compliment to be told the look 'exotic'. Ffs

Yanbu OP. I'd just tell them to fuck off personally. That should do the trick.

I get a lot of Khal Drogo/Dothraki comments and it's a fairly regular occurrence for women to ask to touch my beard.

The important word there is ASK. You were asked and given a choice to say yes or no. You were able to give consent before the action. Many of us don’t get that same consideration. It’s usually ooh and touch our hair within a few seconds where our choice and consent isn’t even considered as if said people instantly turn into toddlers who don’t know better and must touch the thing they’re interested in.

I do agree it is definitely something women tend to do and get away with in my experience.