My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

[namechangefordignity]

What a prick

[Lantanacamara]

Our cat always knows when I've been gardening and last week dug up a newly planted border of lily of the valleys and did a massive crap just for luck.

[namechangefordignity]

Bury it.

[OohImBlindedByTheLights]

My cat started attacking my feet while I was on a teams call!!

Also trying to grow sunflowers for the first time ever so right now the pot is on my windowsill until they reach 5 cm. went to spray it as told to keep em moist and noticed a big paw print in the soil!!!

[TheWristBoundLatexBitch]

My cat threw up on my feet one morning, 10 minutes before my alarm and on the sheets I put on new the day before!

[LAgeDeRaisin]

Thanks everyone and yes he is a prick.

[grumpygiraffe]

Judging by the stories about cats’ behaviour on here, your lucky he didn’t shit in your neighbour’s fire.

[MustStopSnacking28]

Once one of my cats has a shit in the shower cubicle. Luckily I didn’t stand in it and I could wash it down and disinfect like mad but it was a nasty surprise at 6am

[catinthewindow]

Our cat has taken to peeing just by the toilet so if it’s a bit dark you get an awful warm puddle to step in. I’m blaming the boys marking the spot.

Arsehole.

[EL8888]

Furry little git! I remember someone asking on here how could they get a cat who wasn’t a dick. All cats are dicks! I love them but they can’t help being dicks

[inmyslippers]

If we leave bath mats on the floor the cat uses them as a toilet. She's a dick

[Diddumz]

I cat sat for a friend and there were never any poos or wees in the litter tray.

I did some investigation and found loads of poos in the BATH and the cat had been weeing on a rug... grim

[Sudename]

My elderly mother has a prick of a cat who refuses to shite on the litter tray but does her business on the floor!

[PrelovedWithValue]

Bury it

The cat or the cat shit?

[LAgeDeRaisin]

@grumpygiraffe fear not, our nearest neighbours are 500m away because we live in the countryside. A long shitting distance for a cat too lazy to use his own bloody cat flap.

[PrelovedWithValue]

My cat would fairly regularly be sick. Never found a reason for it, but it happened every month or so.

We had a hard floor (easy to clean up) with a rug in the middle (very much not easy to clean up). No prizes for guessing where it would choose to be sick...

[namechangefordignity]

Bury the cat and give the shit to the neighbour

@preloved

[MissLC]

My cat decided that the first week of my maternity leave was a really good time to eat some of my hair bobbles which then got tangled in his intestine and needed emergency surgery... thank god for pet insurance!

[RatsolutelyFabulous]

I refer to one of mine as shitty kitty sometimes. It didn’t matter how hard me and ex tried to get her to use the litter tray before she started going out, she’d just shit round the house. The worst being when she’d finally get in the tray and then just shit right over the side of it. Annoying as fuck but I have to laugh about it

[HugeAckmansWife]

Mine uses the bath mat too sometimes. It fucking reeks. Wakes me up at 3-4am this god awful smell.

[WithTeaTree]

Is he the same cat that keeps shutting on my gravel? Because if he is, his days are numbered.

[WithTeaTree]

Shitting*

[Subeccoo]

My perfectly healthy dog wandered in to my room from his bed a few weeks ago and took a piss up against my suitcase that was tucked away behind the door then sauntered off back to his. He is 5 years house trained
It was like the cliche drunk husband you hear about on here pissing in the wardrobe (not mine!! Just a bad behaved dog)

[Soubriquet]

Not a cat but my old dog weed on floor of the house I was living in

This was normal for him. He never fully toilet trained.

However my fil was living with me at the time and he wasn’t impressed

So he put the dog out and threw water on him for good measure

As soon as the dog was let back in the house, he deliberately went upstairs and pissed all over FIL’s very expensive sheepskin coat

[minniemoocher]

@Subeccoo

My dog has never wee'd against a case but if you leave it open he'll put a disgusting soggy tennis ball and an equally sodden soft toy in within minutes - he loves holidays!

His toiletting goes to pot though at pets at home when he scent marks, so embarrassing! He's also watered a Christmas tree in my mother's house!