My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

One cat brought in and half ate a bird, left the remnants at the top of the stairs and I didn't notice and stood in it, wearing socks...

Another dcat likes to eat my hair, which resulted in a half expelled poo left hanging by a hair. Cat got hysterical due to said turd and ran around the whole house flapping this bit of shit around all over EVERYTHING. Carpets, blinds, sofa etc etc etc

Mine took a shit in the bag of litter, that my lazy twat of a husband had left next to her litter tray.

^^shes trying to train your husband

My first cat used to wait until I had freshly washed sheets to break into my room and spray all over them. Dh thought I was deliberately letting him in but we left a webcam out and saw him jump on the bannister, opposite the door, and then jump on door handle to open the door. He did it so many times we were at our wits end. Spent a fortune having him checked for everything at the vet and getting feliway plugs etc. Dh was honestly thinking of leaving at one point because he couldn’t cope with the smell of cat pee. 6 months and 3 mattresses later, turns out he just didn’t like the smell of the fabric softener I was using to wash the sheets. I switched to a new brand and he never did it again. He lived to the ripe old age of 18 and we never had another issue with him spraying. I mean, it might not be the reason why but it’s the only explanation we have!

In summary, cats are arseholes 😂

My old boy used to shit on any piece of clothing that had been left on the floor which was fair enough I suppose. The dc got really good, really quickly, at not leaving anything lying around. But one day they left a school tie on the floor and the bastard shat the length of it. I always said he had as much influence raising those children as I did.

He also used to leave his own present under the Christmas tree. Every fucking year. Cats are pricks

Well i mis read that as my cat just had a shit on my face! ... It could be worse op!

My cat did one on top of a nearly completed jigsaw.

I also had an African Pygmy hedgehog who managed to get down my tight t-shirt and then pooed everywhere. Trying to extract a shit-covered hedgehog from my tits was one of the stranger experiences of my life

Ours has started shitting in the bath tub, there is a fresh clean litter tray in the bathroom which dickheadcat walks past to climb into the bathtub to shit in.

They also decided to shit in my roses because I was spending time watering and pruning them.

We have clean litter trays on every floor in the house, they have access to the garden but they only go out if we’re out re-seeding the lawn or pruning flower beds to go and shit in the middle of whatever we’re doing.

Cats are dicks.

My cat is obsessed with climbing into the en-suite toilet and dipping his paws in then walking over the white bedding. What is more infuriating is the 3 other penis owners in the family won’t flush the fucking toilet when they’ve had a piss and forget to put the lid down. About 2 hours after I changed the bed this week there were pissy paw prints all over it and a smug sleeping cat. 😡

iloveeverykindofcat I'm not surprised that you no longer have that towel.

I binned the wok and did not buy another one because we don't have the cupboard space for one, to be honest I can't look at a wok without laughing

I used to have a cat who hated everyone that wasn't me and also me most of the time. She would alternate between clawing at guests' ankles and running as far from them as possible, UNTIL the week my friend who's allergic to cats came to stay. She immediately decided he was her new best friend, wound round his ankles and constantly rubbed herself against his face, chest and arms whenever they were in reach, purring contentedly and completely ignoring his and my attempts to shoo her away. On his last morning she threw up on his shirt.

Cats are bastards.

Ours gets furious when DH cleans her litter box. She is furious when he does NOT clean her litter box. If we're lucky, there may be a few hours in the middle when she is not furious.

She waits until we finally get comfy in front of the telly, then stands at the top of the stairs and howls. DH clearly understands what she is saying.

Cat: I'm going to shit here. On the stairs. No, right on the landing - where the rug is. Yes. I'm going to do it. I've done it. Take that you box cleaning (not cleaning) bastard.

Sigh.

Love her though :)

Trying to extract a shit-covered hedgehog from my tits was one of the stranger experiences of my life

After Zara got her wrist plated a couple of weeks ago, my friend said to me 'if only we could explain to them that they need not to overuse it and make it worse'. I said 'if we could they'd do it anyway to cost more money'.

Another cat pissed all over my M-in L as she slept years ago. I did kind of understand that one

My cat killed the neighbour’s cat three weeks after we moved in by pushing him off a seven foot wall.

Same cat got an abscess on his head (as a result of a fight with another cat). Had it drained and laid open by the vet, brought him home and what’s the first thing he does? Goes and rolls in the litter tray. I had to pick the teeny tiny bits of (not completely clean in the first place) litter out of his open oozing wound.

Said cat is now deceased. We are not replacing him.

My cat shat in my new, I repeat NEW, £180 boots. Right inside. He crawled RIGHT INSIDE and curled one off so I didn’t notice until I put my lovely clean feet in to put them on in the morning. He was not a kitten and the cat flat was 50cm away.

My cat once took a shit on my bed - when I was in it!

The reason? I had moved my son's PS4 into the same room as his litter tray and it was now too loud for him.

House on the market, new new bedding on. All doors shut in preparation for someone to come round to view. Five minutes before they were due to arrive I thought I’d just pop round to double-check everything was looking it’s best. Opened my bedroom door, cat shot out (oops!) and OMG the STINK. Bastard had shat right in the middle of my bed!

Mine shit on top of the litter box 🤷‍♀️

Just misread fire as face.

@Soubriquet - love it!

We were moving house. The removal van had gone, hubby was taking a few final bits of rubbish to the dump. All I had to do was go to the bank to get money out to pay the removal men and to the estate agents to hand over our keys and collect the new ones. I had the cats in baskets on the back seat of the car. One had a shit in the basket, so I opened the window and a wasp flew in and started buzzing me. The cat then turned round and started kicking shit out through the front grill of the basket,

I was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other trying to swat the wasp and cat shit away. I had to queue in the bank covered in cat shit. There were lumps in my hair, on my clothes, my face - everywhere. The estate agents got the keys handed over in record time though.

My dog ran upstairs and peed on the landing because I shut the kitchen door

Try cooking rice in the rice cooker and leave it to cool, perfect cat litter the cat decided was caught balancing on it mid poop 💩💩