My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

My cat doesn't like going outside in the rain. A shit in the bath is acceptable in my opinion, a shit in the laundry basket much less so.

cats are dicks.
Mine brought me a live magpie at 5am.
When I chased him downstairs he let it go in kitchen/dinning room so I had bird crap everywhere.

And they ALWAYS throw up on a clean duvet - nowhere else.

@FannyFlapClap

They're bampots aren't they? I woke up one morning to a cat shit in my bath - even though he has 3 big, clean, fresh litter trays at all times. I think it's a dirty protest at something. Have you upset him recently and now he is letting you know his contempt?

My cat used to shit in the bath too. And the washing machine once.. that was a pleasant discovery.

Mine took a shit in the bag of litter, that my lazy twat of a husband had left next to her litter tray.

Our cat started using the pot plant as a litter tray (has a cat flap and a massive garden at her disposal) and one morning the poo got stuck so she sort of dragged her arse along (thankfully) tiled floor leaving a giant skid mark for me to clean

I put a plastic bottle of water in the pot and she hasn’t bothered since, and the plant is now VERY healthy

Ours refuses to poo in his litter box - just squats beside it. Always! It’s fine to pee in though

My cat pissed in the dryer once. I didn't notice until I got out of the shower and started drying my face on a particularly... fragrant towel. There's a reason they don't make cat piss flavour dryer sheets.

He thinks it's earth! I lost my 19.5 yr old cat last week. Next door's cat, whose 16 yrs younger, has been making a big fuss of me but he left me a rat yesterday 🐀 In the bathroom. I'm told it was his way of loving 🙀

My cat once shit right in the middle of one of my fabric covered sofas. I’d changed her wet food from Sheba (given as a treat as I felt bad she’d been spayed) back to the healthier option as she was putting on weight due to it being so rich. We had a stand off with refusal to eat any wet food for around two weeks week until her dirty protest and I had to backdown.

Now she is not allowed into the lounge or anywhere other than the conservatory, dining area and kitchen (never allowed upstairs anyway) and she knows it. I only have to say ‘where do you think you’re going’ and she’ll scuttle off to the back of the house .

@AiryFairy1

Our cat started using the pot plant as a litter tray (has a cat flap and a massive garden at her disposal) and one morning the poo got stuck so she sort of dragged her arse along (thankfully) tiled floor leaving a giant skid mark for me to clean

I put a plastic bottle of water in the pot and she hasn’t bothered since, and the plant is now VERY healthy

Mines likes to wipe his arse on the wooden floor after a shit too. (Disclaimer: not worms or impacted anal glands etc, he's just a prick sometimes).

Mine once shit under the Christmas tree. Also, same year, she started foaming at the mouth on Boxing Day and looking floppy and weak. We panicked and had to carry her round to the emergency vet, as we had no car at the time, in the ice and cold, only for the little fucker to spring to life once the vet picked her up. Purring and jumping all over the place. £150 to be told “she probably ate something bitter”.

She died last year and while I dearly miss her, I have vowed to never get another cat.

One of my cats buried a dead mouse in the ashes in my fireplace once. I didn't know until it started to smell bad, took days to find out where the scent of decomposing mouse was coming from. I've got a fireguard now.

@bumbleymummy

Ours refuses to poo in his litter box - just squats beside it. Always! It’s fine to pee in though

Ooh, ooh 🙋‍♀️ mines does that too occasionally. Will literally stand in his tray with his back legs perched on the edges and shits outside his box. I often wonder what the fuck he is thinking at that moment. 🤔

Wasn't it on here years ago someone's cat had pulled a whole roast chicken through the cat flap?

One of mine currently has a VERY expensive plate fusing her dislocated wrist together.

angShe just jumped off a table.

@Teenagerwillbethedeathofme

My cat had to be PTS last summer, I’d give my right arm to have him here, shitting in the fireplace.

for you @Teenagerwillbethedeathofme - I can imagine if your DCat was there it would indeed love to have a shit in the fireplace, just for you.

Our cat likes to go upstairs and vomit on the cream carpet instead of the wooden floors downstairs

Can't imagine why anyone has a cat.

My cat shit in my bed once, it seeped right into the mattress. Cats are arseholes. We must obey them regardless.

I call my daughter's cat shitty kitty. Every chance it gets it shits in my shower

@DynamoKev

Can't imagine why anyone has a cat.

They are warm and cuddly and purr in your arms when you're petting them right.

Then the definition of 'right' changes for no reason and they probably smack you across the face, but its worth it.

@oakleaffy

Cats can and do shit in ash! Out cat shat in a potted plant Grim!

That's looking like a haiku

Our boy cat, when displeased with me, wees on the rug in front of the TV. He looks at me while he's doing it too, and he has a cat litter 3 feet away, a second cat litter in the laundry, a 3rd in the bathroom and the garden and surrounding countryside (admittedly, it does get cold and wet and windy, so I don't blame him staying in sometimes).

I had to throw out a previous rug because he just wouldn't stop. This one goes in the washing machine with that stuff that's anti-cat-wee (and I yell at him and chuck him out of the house obviously, so he knows not to do it)

I contrast this against when he pooed on the rug, because my family were visiting (this was pre-covid) and he didn't know how to get out of the living room with all the people there and panicked. I didn't tell him off for that, it was understandable.

I was walking round the house thinking there was a funny smell the other day, to eventually realise I had dried cat poo stuck to my heel. Cat had accidentally dragged a bed of poo and left it next to my bed, where I stepped on it. He has a bad habit of eating my hair, and his poo then comes out on a string of hair like a big beaded necklace, and it doesn't always break off and stay in the litter tray.

I can't get past the fact that you have a real fire(place) in your bedroom .