My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

I love these stories! Other than my cat pooing in the freshly dug hole, as mentioned in my previous post, he is an angel when it comes to using the litter tray.
He is, however, a big hunter and no amount of bells on his collar seems to deter this. If he ever manages to catch something he likes to announce it so everyone can be very proud of him. I’m usually on the ball and can intercept him as he comes in through the cat flap as he has a specific yowl to announce his gift..... until that one time when I was asleep on the sofa post night shift and failed to hear his calling. He proceeded to drop a live mouse on my chest . I woke up at that point and the poor mouse obviously tried to make its escape. It took the best part of 3 hours and much removal of furniture to find and catch the poor bugger to release him again.
What did my cat do? He sat and watched the entire debacle whilst cleaning himself and no doubt congratulating himself on a job well done! He’s lucky I love him!

@Fluffycloudland77. Yes i tried i failed. He pissed on the back step inside the house. Right in front of me. Would rather it be in bath i think 🙄 shame on me for turning his world upside down

That’s his final word and he doesn’t expect to discuss it again does he!.

We bought the wrong scratch post once. He pissed on the bed.

Pets at home were very understanding and exchanged it for us for the correct scratch post.

@inmyslippers

If we leave bath mats on the floor the cat uses them as a toilet. She's a dick

Same in our house! Bath mat needs to be hung up at all times or it becomes her toilet 😡

Have you ever tried to get a urine sample from a cat? Let me tell you how it goes.

1. Vet calmly hands you a tiny bag of plastic cat litter and tells you to get the cat to wee on this so you can collect it.
2. Lock boy cat away in a room with the real litter tray (he would be straight in there).
3. Put out new shiny plastic litter out at the usual litter using time.
4. Cat looks at it in absolute disgust and decides they would rather have their bladder explode.
5. Calmly explain that if they don't pee on this then the vet will have to sedate them and stick a massive needle in their bladder.
6. Listen to about an hour of MEAWOOUWAAEEWOOAAWAAOO.
7. Cat pisses on the carpet and stalks off in anger with tail held high.
8. Phone vet to book appointment with big needle.

I also have to trim her bum hair (vet advised me to- she's quite fluffy) because otherwise she gets poo stuck in it and drags her pooey arse along my carpets every time she takes a shit.

When lockdown first hit I got the planting bug along with everyone else. I live in a small flat without a garden though so have been planting flowers indoors. DCat2 was very angry with me for being home all the time, quite liked his own space. Waited until the flowers that I’d worked for a couple of months to nurture and grow from seeds to sproutlings were pushing their way up through the soil before digging every single one up and shitting in the planter box. There was no saving them by the time I found them. He then proceeded to shove my potted flowers off the shelf and kill them all too. He is the biggest asshole alive.

I’m trying again this year. He’s been banned from the living room and kitchen this time.

@Fluffycloudland77 pets at home are very understanding about irate pets receiving the wrong items!!

@CatsHairEverywhere2. Fox the little blighter with a planter station on the wall.

When we moved into our old house the first thing our dog did was run straight into the lounge and do a massive shit in the middle of the beige carpet. The day before we moved out she found and ate a rotten fish on the beach which a couple of hours later she projectile vomited all over the house. The smell was that bad I'm pretty sure it was still there when we moved out despite it being scrubbed several times.

I keep seeing this thread come up in the list and every time read it as 'My cat did a shit in my face'. I cannot fathom why.

Why do these arsehole animals assume they can do as they like? I have written about my geese before. However, last weekend, they actually came into the house and there was a Benny Hill style chase around the dining room table to boot them out again. Call us Goose Shit Hall! The dog was disgusted and useless. Bastards to a bird!

My big male tom cat (RIP) puked in my slippers so when I put them on my toes squelched into cat vom. He also left bird innards on the stairs at night so you stepped on a gallbladder if you went downstairs when it was dark. He would also spray on my daughter after she had a shower so that she smelt of him again. He was an absolute prick. We now only have two little girl cats and they never do anything like that thank goodness

My old cat once fell asleep in the tumble dryer once .
My mum turned tumble dryer on (didn’t think DCat would be asleep in it! Que cat woken abruptly from deep sleep- not impressed as you can imagine .
Turned it off -DCat jumps out .DCat all fine .

Next day massive cat shit present from DCat in tumble dryer .

He was getting his revenge on that tumble dryer 🤣🤣

DCat lived for a further 5 years so no ill affects from experience.

Mum just learnt to shut the dryer door after use after that!

I think your cat occasionally likes to show you who is Boss. I only briefly had a cat, .....a very long time ago.

I was house & cat sitting for a friend years back. The house was located close to a beach and I discovered the cat liked to bring rotting fish home which she would leave somewhere between the bedroom and the toilet. The first time this happened I was on my way to the loo at 3 am and didn't have my glasses on so didn't know about the rotting mess until I stepped in it with a bare foot.

My first owned cat was a humounkous beast that used to scare dogs that were being led past our house on their way to a walk in the local park. Lots of complaints from dog owners on that one. Also from a neighbour whose dog's food the cat would go and eat. Also from another neighbour when the cat decided to hop onto their kitchen counter and help himself to some of the freshly roasted chicken they had prepared for their dinner.

A subsequent cat was diabetic and would occasionally get caught short and look about desperately for anything vaguely similar to a litter box. Unfortunately my husband's shoes/slippers were best option in the bedroom. So much for the lovely handmade deerskin slippers I got him from Canada.

I have new mats at each door, the fluffy bathmat kind with rubber backing, to absorb the recent rain we've had. My cat decided to poo on both of them overnight so we woke up to some nasty little parcels this morning.