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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my partners nans card back

397 replies

DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:06

For background: I have 3 children, 2 of which are my partners biological children whereas my eldest is not. Me and my partner have been together for 7 years and 3very single year without fail, his gran will send his biological kids a birthday card and money but never my eldest. This hurts, my partner has taken on my eldest like his own, he's been around since she was 2 years old. Everyone in his family accepts that she is part of the family but not his gran.

She's been told before how upsetting this is and always makes an excuse. Last year she was told by both my partner and his dad about how much this upsets us but once again, she's done it.

Am I within my right to send back the card and explain that I would rather nothing at all from her unless she accepts that my 9 year old is part of the family.

Ive never done anything to upset her, I've always been kind and fair but for some reason, she really doesn't like me or my daughter.

OP posts:
sorrysaywhatnow · 21/03/2021 23:08

Send it back. She doesn't have to like you or your daughter, but continuing to disrespect you in this way is frankly disgusting

activitythree · 21/03/2021 23:09

Whose cars are you talking about sending back?

Original poster
DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:10

@activitythree

Whose cars are you talking about sending back?
The card she has sent for my middle child. My eldest and middle child's birthday are 5 days apart x
OP posts:
Teardrop2021 · 21/03/2021 23:11

As harsh as they sounds shes not obliged to sent your child anything for their birthday. My mil didn't give ds a gift for his birthday previous years have been a fiver and dh has been in his life since he was 2 hes now almost 13.

Giraffey1 · 21/03/2021 23:11

Sounds like a job for your H, not you.

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:12

You cannot punish the children by sending cards back, no.

LouiseTrees · 21/03/2021 23:12

Send it back ripped but take the money out of it and buy all 3 kids something then send her a photo with , thanks all 3 of our kids really enjoyed an ice cream ) or whatever) each with your money.

Original poster
DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:13

@Teardrop2021

As harsh as they sounds shes not obliged to sent your child anything for their birthday. My mil didn't give ds a gift for his birthday previous years have been a fiver and dh has been in his life since he was 2 hes now almost 13.
Of course she's not. She's not obliged to send anything but to send 2 kids a card and not my eldest? I think it's absolutely awful
OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 21/03/2021 23:13

She’s not obligated to send anything for any of the kids. She’s an absolute cow for leaving your eldest out like this. Awful behaviour, I would send the other cards and gifts back too OP. Flowers

LouiseTrees · 21/03/2021 23:13

@RootyT00t

You cannot punish the children by sending cards back, no.
She can give the child an equivalent amount. It’s hardly likely the child has a great relationship with their great gran anyway.
RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:13

@LouiseTrees

Send it back ripped but take the money out of it and buy all 3 kids something then send her a photo with , thanks all 3 of our kids really enjoyed an ice cream ) or whatever) each with your money.
Do not do this.
Summersun2020 · 21/03/2021 23:14

A card costs 30p. Literally no excuse.

Original poster
DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:14

@RootyT00t

You cannot punish the children by sending cards back, no.
She's five. She doesn't have a clue about the card. It's not punishing her at all
OP posts:
RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:14

@LouiseTrees

Well she certainly won't if OP starts ripping
children's cards up.

Thefrenchconnection1 · 21/03/2021 23:15

Take the money and use it for a family treat like icecream. Discard the card into the bin. Not worth the drama. Thus is all based on you being able to intercept the card and not needing thank you noyes after

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:15

@DawnR96

It is depriving her or something sent for her. That is punishment

I'm not condoning nana behaviour btw.

user1473878824 · 21/03/2021 23:15

I second @RootyT00t. It’s shit and it’s horrible and not very nice but you absolutely cannot punish another child by removing their birthday card. It’s not their fault!

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:15

If you send back the card you need to send back the money.

Teardrop2021 · 21/03/2021 23:15

DawnR96 why though shes not her grandchild. Just because you've blended you're family doesn't necessarily mean everyone else views it the same. You could split up and she never see your eldest again. Meeting an older child at the age of 2 is difference to watching your grandchildren grow up from birth.

LouiseTrees · 21/03/2021 23:15

I was not being serious! It was more to say that’s how unreasonable the grandmother of the husband is being. Incredibly nasty. That’s the equivalent back. In all honesty though talk to your DH about it again.

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:16

@LouiseTrees

I was not being serious! It was more to say that’s how unreasonable the grandmother of the husband is being. Incredibly nasty. That’s the equivalent back. In all honesty though talk to your DH about it again.
I'm not sure she is as unreasonable as your flippant suggestion.
Original poster
DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:16

[quote RootyT00t]@DawnR96

It is depriving her or something sent for her. That is punishment

I'm not condoning nana behaviour btw.[/quote]
I understand your point but I can give her a ten pounds myself. Quite frankly I feel like if you can't accept my whole family as family, then I don't want anything from you

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:17

Then send back the cards and money and accept nothing from her.

Original poster
DawnR96 · 21/03/2021 23:18

Also, she sends my partners stepsister kids cards and everything. It's literally just me and my daughter for some reason and it hurts. I don't care about myself but my daughter matters, she really does 😭

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:18

However, be prepared for the consequences of that choice.

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