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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

1000 replies

BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 21/03/2021 20:42

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

OP posts:
CovidCorvid · 21/03/2021 20:47

Maybe let her visit once but make it clear it’s a one off?

BathTangle · 21/03/2021 20:47

I'd be thinking about reporting her for harassment! Maybe send one message back confirming that T has a home for life with you but that you do not wish for any further contact and that if she continues to try you will be taking legal advice.

CovidCorvid · 21/03/2021 20:48

Although 104 messages is a bit bunny boiler territory so maybe tell her to bugger off.

Sirzy · 21/03/2021 20:48

She had him for 9 years. The fact the poor horse has been passed from pillar to post since then probably makes he feel even worse that she had to rehome him for whatever reason.

Personally I would make it clear I had no intention of selling but that it was ok for her to visit occasionally as long as she lets you know in advance

ThatsTheTea · 21/03/2021 20:48

YANBU. Just tell her exactly what you’ve said ‘I’ve let you know he’s okay but he’s my horse, I don’t want you visiting or contacting me again’.

B33Fr33 · 21/03/2021 20:50

104 messages! She sounds bonkers! I'd definitely respond without your address asking her not to feed any horses that she doesn't own. Definitely going to have to be firm with her. Tell her you'd rather she stayed away.

Jurassicperk · 21/03/2021 20:50

Doesn't sound like she'll respect any boundaries if you let her visit even once or give any further details. I'd be ending contact asap

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 21/03/2021 20:50

104 messages is a lot. Shock

I can't help wondering if she would calm down if she had an annual visit, but appreciate you may not want to facilitate that.

But I'm not sure what you can do other than ignoring or reporting for harassment, the latter of which might just make things worse. It's really difficult.

Sheepareawesome · 21/03/2021 20:50

I would not be happy with her coming once as anyone that sends 104 messages is someone you might find visiting him whenever she feels like it she clearly has issues and frankly they are not your problem.

I would reply to say you don't want her to visit and you are going to block her now as she is being unreasonable and harassing you.

Potterylady13 · 21/03/2021 20:51

Don't let her visit she will know where you are - tell her he's fine and not to contact you again.

SoWhyNot · 21/03/2021 20:51

How secure is your stabling for him? I’d be concerned about her making frequent trips to visit or that he would go missing if she knew where he was.

I’d probably reply and say that I feel quite harassed by her and as a resultI don’t feel happy giving out my address/horse’s address, so whilst I will let her know if for any reason I am selling him, I am not happy for her to visit or to maintain contact from here.

MadMadMadamMim · 21/03/2021 20:51

God no!

Just text to say, I'm sorry, but horse is now mine. I've politely answered your questions, sent you some photos, but this is now becoming harassment. In the last 6 months you have sent 104 messages, which is ridiculous! Please don't contact me again. I'm blocking you now.

Ignore after that. Block on FB.

Tal45 · 21/03/2021 20:52

No you're not unreasonable, it's your horse now so your decision, perhaps reassure her that you will take really good care of him. Who knows where it will lead if you tell her the location, it sounds like she's quite desperate x

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 21/03/2021 20:52

@Sirzy

She had him for 9 years. The fact the poor horse has been passed from pillar to post since then probably makes he feel even worse that she had to rehome him for whatever reason.

Personally I would make it clear I had no intention of selling but that it was ok for her to visit occasionally as long as she lets you know in advance

I was thinking more along these lines too originally. But 104 messages in 6 months is a bit scary.

Difficult.

altlife · 21/03/2021 20:52

If you don't want the hassle then tell her! The horse is now yours, you get to decide who visits and who doesn't, and if you're not ok with it that is fine.

BUT you need to be very firm. 104 messages is harassment territory in my opinion. I'd tell her once, that T is fine, but he belongs to you and she needs to back off. Perhaps sweeten it by telling her IF you ever decide to sell you'll give her first refusal. But make it clear that if she continues to message you or invite herself to visit you will block her number and report her for harassment

TitusPullo · 21/03/2021 20:52

I was going to say oh just let her visit, she obviously misses him but then got to the bit about the Horse Passport office and the 104 messages. That’s harassment and I wouldn’t want the woman near me or my horse. I think you need to send a clear message and block once and for all. She needs to move on.

EvilEye · 21/03/2021 20:52

"Please stop contacting me. The volume of messages that I've had from you is making me uncomfortable. I do not wish to sell him, and I am not interested in visitors from strangers. Horse is very well and happy".

Block.

dishydishemup · 21/03/2021 20:52

I wouldn't let her anywhere near the horse - it'll lead to more and more requests. Her message sounds very pushy. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile. You need to make it very clear that she needs to back off. I couldn't tolerate this. You've told her that he has a happy home, so I think she now needs to leave you in peace.

Honeyroar · 21/03/2021 20:52

When I read the title I thought that you were being a bit mean, but on reading the rest of the post I’m in agreement. Tell her it’s lovely to hear about him when he was younger, but say you don’t want all this contact. You’ve been polite, sent pictures and said he’s got a home for life. Tell her if life changes and you ever have to sell him you’ll be in touch, but until then you’re leaving things be. Tell her you’re finding all her messages too much.

If you let her visit once she’ll never leave you alone and will keep going visiting.

Mellonsprite · 21/03/2021 20:53

104 messages is way too much. Don’t tell her where you are.
I’d send her a one off Message with a last batch of pics, saying you’d don’t want to correspond with her any more, and you appreciate it if she won’t stop posting on Facebook too.
Honestly she just needs to let go. I think she’ll be pestering you to death if you give her an inch,

EvilEye · 21/03/2021 20:53

@Potterylady13

Don't let her visit she will know where you are - tell her he's fine and not to contact you again.
Absolutely. No way do you want this person knowing where you live.
HeronLanyon · 21/03/2021 20:53

God I’ve never Understood how horsey people pass horses around like this ! That poor horse. Anyway she sounds very pushy.
Given her final message I’d be wary of saying yes to a visit. I’d kind of think she may visit him when I wasn’t there etc.
Such a shame because I want to say yes of course let her visit him.
agree with pp - ‘he’s fine, I’ll keep you in the loop if i do decide to sell him’. And if you sell him DO get in touch with her.

GoWalkabout · 21/03/2021 20:54

I think the excessive messages suggest allowing a visit will not go well.

Roystonv · 21/03/2021 20:54

I don't know if letting her meet him once away from your home is possible? I can understand how she feels but she is too invested in him and could become a nuisance. Maybe one meet up (emphasising it is a one off) to put her mind at rest would help.

CanofCant · 21/03/2021 20:55

I saw this or at a very similar post on Facebook and I thought she was BU and you were really kind to entertain it. The fact she has sent 104 messages in the interim is madness. YANBU.

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