To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

But, Parkerwhereareyou, the ex-owner chose to sell the horse on - she's the cause of him having been moved around so much. And she can't afford the market price of him now. So her situation financially is precarious, which means she might not be able to afford his vet bills and to keep him long term again.

Plus she kept him stabled while he has a far healthier and more natural lifestyle with op.

It doesn't benefit the horse to put him in a worse position for the sake of someone's sentimentality.

I've always found it fairly common advice on here to be told to give time and money and live with huge inconveince so strangers can get want they want however unreasonnable or worrying their behavior often under guise of you have to be nice - never mind the effects on you and your family.

I was on a thread years ago when someone serioulsy suggested giving someone else a house for free. People can be suprisngly generous with other people's time, energy and property.

I think the OP gone above and beyond to reassure this previous owner that the horse is fine and well looked after and now there need to be boundaries that get respected.

We may point out, as well, that A became friendly with C (to the extent that apparently C was coming along on the proposed visit) but when C offered the horse back to her A couldn't afford it. So now OP, who hasn't even met her, is expected to sell back an expensive animal at a discount because A's own friends wouldn't/couldn't. That's unreasonable, surely?

And if we're going to anthromorphise and sentimentalise, let's do it properly - if you were the horse, who would you choose?

The ex owner who, instead of loaning you or finding some other way, sold you for 30 pieces of silver and cried about it later.

Or the current owner, who offers a home for life, a healthy happy lifestyle and loves you.

You'd be foolish to pick the crazy ex. Not one of your big toothed, long haired mates would tell you to take them back.

@Parkerwhereareyou

“ No of course we are never obliged to do good deeds for others. Never. But I look at people on the street and see some open and happy and warm, and some much less so. I may be completely wrong but I feel the smiling ones have allowed their hearts to be big.”

Beautiful piece. Shame you are defending a stalker.

It's odd that A didn't raise the money to buy the horse from C. That's very weird given that she then had to go to great lengths to track the horse down again. Why did B or C ever sell the horse?

I saw a Western many years ago in which someone was accused of stealing a horse. He said he hadn't stolen it as it was his horse. He, or someone who may have been on his side, suggested that those assembled release the horse and watch who it went to. They arranged the demonstration and the horse, after some uncertainty and both claimants calling it, plodded over to the alleged stealer, who grabbed it by the bridle before it could change its mind. The fact that it was a hot day and he had strategically placed himself next to the water trough somehow passed unremarked by the crowd.

@Silvetmoon

To be honest, I’d be surprised if the OP DOESN’T hear anything back. I feel like the crazy horse lady is quietly plotting another way to go about things...

She’s probably driving around trying to find him..

And you might feel like you've done something ridiculously nice and generous and kind, but that's not a bad feeling ....

And while you’re busy telling us all how nice you would be, you seem to have forgotten the single, most important part of this whole discussion - OP’s horse

The first owner has already sold him on - the reason he’s had so many owners is entirely her doing as she sold him in the first place, and she’s shown that she doesn’t really have his best interests at heart by keeping him shut in his stable.

He has a much more natural life with the OP and that is the best thing for him.

He doesn’t give a shiny shite whether he’s OP’s “one”, he doesn’t have the capacity to know what that even means.

Horses are expensive. They’re a rubbish design, and I swear they spend most of their time thinking up new and expensive ways to hurt themselves. Vets are expensive, livery is expensive, feed is expensive, insurance, shoes, tack, supplements, dentists, rugs, etc, etc are expensive. They break expensive things and get themselves into expensive scrapes. The first owner cannot afford him, simple as.

Been following the thread and the thing that is most important is not getting horse confused or distressed.
I'd hate to think he would start to look out for old owner.
It would be a step back and not help your relationship with him.

He's happy and loved with you and he's the one who needs peace.

I think that horses do bond with people, in a way. But it's more a trust thing IMO. They get to know a person and what they are likely to do. If that person does mostly things which are good, from the horse's point of view, than that person goes on the 'trusted' list and they will be less likely to be on high alert when with that person.
A horse on high alert is a horse that's more likely to make its own decisions about the best way to deal with a threat. A horse that is with someone they trust will be more likely to listen to the person's suggestions as to the best way to react.

@XelaM

It's odd that A didn't raise the money to buy the horse from C. That's very weird given that she then had to go to great lengths to track the horse down again. Why did B or C ever sell the horse?

As an update a farm down the way has alerted our group chat that a car has been seen driving up and down his (private) lane pulling into all the field gateways. He went to ask them what the heck they were doing but they had left by the time got there. He's asked us all to keep a look out as there has been an increase in thefts or various vehicles and machinery - not in our immediate area but in the wider county - and he's concerned someone might be trying to get the lay of his land so to speak.

Could be related. Could not be. Who the heck knows.

Wonder if you’ll ever hear from her again. I suspect she’ll try to sneakily find the horse one day just to check on him.

Ooh I posted that before I’d seen your last post op!

Ohhhh didn't mean to quote that or anything!

Woah, that's a bit much if it IS her driving about, especially after being asked not to. I'd invest in cctv ASAP.

She’s read this thread and noted the field off a lane off a lane, knowing the general area in which you live.

If you are reading this ‘A’ you need to back off!

Haha @Ohdobequiet ive just cross posted with @zigaziga saying shes probably driving around looking for him lol.

Tbh its probably nothing. Farmer Dave has form for being a bit paranoid and gets in a froth about people on his lane who shouldn't be there. He even hates people using it to turn around. There was once a memorable row of armageddon proportions because one of the barn conversations which use the lane as access had a party (celebrating their 60th) and the number of guests meant some parked on his lane rather than on their own driveway. Lockdown has driven him insane because there has been a marked increase in users of the countryside here and not all of them have been considerate with regards to parking which is a whole other AIBU thread of its own!

Wow... This sounds like an odd coincidence! If it's her, she's crazier than first anticipated!

@Matrottinetteelectrique

She’s read this thread and noted the field off a lane off a lane, knowing the general area in which you live.

If you are reading this ‘A’ you need to back off!

This! She’s clearly read the thread and is looking for him.

Leave the OPs horse alone, he’s not yours!

Sorry, meant to wrote “A... leave the horse”

That's actually a worrying update Op. I hope it is Farmer Dave being paranoid & not A looking for your horse. A really sounds fixated, if not outright obsessed, so please don't be too laidback or underestimate what she might be capable of.

No of course we are never obliged to do good deeds for others.

Lovely bit of passive aggression there. Aren't you so lovely?

but I also feel for the horse, as has been to several homes and one can't explain to them what's going on.

Of course he would recognise his old home and owner.

But as I think I've said, animals are bought and sold, some people don't feel the same protectiveness and sense of responsibility towards them as others do, and this is about ownership.

You come across very much as one of the anthropomorphisers who do more harm than good through your "kindness".

I hope you've told the girl who gave her your email that she absolutely mustn't give her any further details. I can see this woman harassing her for an address. And also told her she should never have given yours out in the first place!!

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon have you warned the others in your area about her? If not, I’d do so now especially with the car being sighted. Even if it’s just Farmer Dave being paranoid, it’ll be good to get other people looking out for you. That’s what community is for. :)