To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

The backstory is irrelevant. He's yours now. Absolutely do not give her the address of the yard, she'll be there all the time. I was almost stalked by a previous owner once. The only thing they understand is a flat No I Don't Want Visitors. Give an inch and they'll take a mile.

I’m not going to give you my address and I do not appreciate being hounded through Facebook etc when I don’t respond to your messages. I have a busy life and do not need to accommodate your requests for visits and constant updates on (horse) He is well loved and cared for and has his forever home with us. Please stop trying to track us down as it is becoming overbearing and uncomfortable. Regards Blueeyes

Big girl pants on and send, she’ll only torture you if she knows where you live! She’s already torturing you with the contact details she does have for the love of god don’t give her any more!!

I’d be really careful about letting her visit. If she is messaging you that much and is asking about selling, you don’t want her turning up at the yard without you, or worse loading him into a trailer and running off with him!

I wouldn’t let her visit and wouldn’t give out where he is, or she will never stop turning up. She will be wanting to ride him whenever she can, without paying to own and look after him. Sounds like a cf if not a bit of a stalker. I would send one of the messages above saying no and then block her! Maybe report her to the admin of the Facebook group as well, or she will be posting on there moaning about how she’s not allowed to see him etc.

Like everyone else has said I would contact her telling her you have been more than reasonable by sending photos of YOUR HORSE to a stranger but you will not be open to any more contact with her. There will be no visits, as having received 104 messages and being contacted by the passport agency, you are uncomfortable with how she is behaving. You have answered all her questions. YOUR HORSE is not for sale and you are blocking her from today. I would mention her to everyone on the yard, in case a woman turns up and pays attention to your horse or asks questions about him. She seems a bit obsessed with him, which as sad as it is for her is not sitting comfortable with you as the owner.

And yes. It’s all very sad that she had him for 9 years and then sold him at which point he basically went anywhere they had space, but that does not mean she gets a free pass to send an average of 17 messages a month (that’s more than one every other bloody day!!) to someone she has never met, post on Facebook about them and the contact the passport company to facilitate contact. There is being sad about a horse you lost touch with and there’s losing touch with reality. Imagine if this was how she treated an ex boyfriend? Yeah not ok.

Honestly at this stage I’d be telling her to fuck off and that If she contacts you again you’ll report her for harassment. And then I’d do it.

I was on her side and thought you were being callous for not letting her visit, but when you said 104 messages I can see where you’re coming from.

Do you think if you allowed her to visit once it might put her mind at ease that he’s healthy and happy?

I guess there’s also a possibility she’ll know where he’s kept and expect to visit more often.

Could you say you’re busy but next time you’re competing or out (if you do) you’ll let her know so she can visit then?

That is a awful lot of messages, my first thought is let her visit once but I feel she’d want to keep visiting. I’d reply and say this really isn’t appropriate I’d let you visit maybe once a year say but she would push that . She may very well regret selling and I love that she’s a animal lover but maybe reassure that you plan to keep horse for life and if circumstances change she’d be the first to know . Other than that block

I think thats what is bothering me. Will one visit be enough? Will it genuinely set her mind at rest to know hes well and loved or will she just want more and more.

The yard is secure but its just my horses on it and its off a track off a country lane off another country lane so its very isolated. I dont think shed do anything crazy like steal him, but I am not sure she wouldnt just visit when she wanted and I suppose at the end of the day thats my issue.

We also have different ideas on the best way to look after a horse. She used to stable him for most of the time. Mine are out with 24/7 access to a barn and only really stabled if its really bad weather or I need them to be clean and dry because we going somewhere. Mine are barefoot, she shod. I suspect she will feel that he is not being "pampered" enough.

I think the bottom line is I am freaked out by her tenacity and so just want to avoid her.

I wouldn't let her visit, the fact that she owned him for 9 years wouldn't change my mind. 104 messages is harassment not to mention the Facebook group, emails and passport office. Send her a firm message to say the horse is fine, but you do not want her to visit. It is your horse now. I'd say no more contact or I will have to report you for harassment. She needs to realise it is not her horse anymore, she has no right to visit and she needs to back off.

I can't believe anyone on this thread is encouraging you to allow her to visit. Absolutely no fucking way should you give her your address.. This woman is unhinged, fgs. 100+ messages isn't anywhere within the realm of normality. Tell her she's made you uncomfortable and to never contact you again.

@CovidCorvid

Maybe let her visit once but make it clear it’s a one off?

God no, once she had the address she sounds like the type to pop in all the time

I’m horsey... I am very of the mind that when you sell a horse on you end your right to seeing it/ keeping in contact if the new owners don’t wish to - however I keep in touch with my horses ex owner from afar and she’s lovely and supportive.

I have nothing against folk wanting to see their old horses, but what you’re describing is uncalled for and she is seriously pushing boundaries. If you are inclined to, I’d offer to keep her in the loop through regular emails but I’d block her off social media. If you compete, invite her along to watch one day- but do not give her the address to where the horse is stabled.

If she’s really getting in your wick, and you’re not feeling tolerant, stern and clear email, block, and warn your fellow liveries just in case she ever tracks the horse down and comes snooping.

I do get the sentimentality, but they sold the horse. You now own it. It’s your call.

@MadMadMadamMim

God no!

Just text to say, I'm sorry, but horse is now mine. I've politely answered your questions, sent you some photos, but this is now becoming harassment. In the last 6 months you have sent 104 messages, which is ridiculous! Please don't contact me again. I'm blocking you now.

Ignore after that. Block on FB.

Do this, OP.

What completely bonkers behaviour.

I wouldn’t let her visit, even once. She will then think she has a foot in the door, and would probably start visiting ad hoc without letting you know once she has your address. Plus she may be a bit unhinged and try to steal him. Just be firm, even if you have to be rude to get your point across. Say that you no longer wish to engage with her, that you have a busy life and wish her well, but will no longer be responding to further contact from her.

Please, please don't give her your address! You'll never be rid of her, and she will turn up whenever she likes.

Dear ex-owner,

I'm sorry but no, it is not okay for you to visit. I appreciate you had Horse for a long time and I am really pleased that you have such fond memories. It is my intention to create many amazing memories with Horse and I can assure you that (s)he? will have an excellent home. I do not want to sell Horse. Notwithstanding the fact that We are currently in a pandemic and therefore should not be visiting unnecessarily, I would rather enjoy Horse and focus on building our relationship. I can assure you that if I did decide to sell Horse I will contact you, otherwise I respectfully request that we cease contact from here. I wish you all the best and am very grateful for the excellent education you gave Horse, take care.

Rinse and repeat as required

Use Covid as your excuse. Given your yard is relatively isolated i would be even more inclined to say no - as opposed to a livery yard with managers/owners on site.

My mare who I’ve had for 17 years is on loan and I don’t message with this frequency. I visit once or twice a year.

Absolutely don't let her know where he is. You'll never be rid of her.

We've sold various horses over the years. Some we know where they are because they've been sold to friends or friends of friends. We've never felt the need to visit. It's nice to hear how they're doing from time or time or see on Facebook but that's the extent of it.

You sell the horse, you lose the right to be involved. Unfortunately, that's the way life goes.

I think maybe it's time for a polite but firm message saying that enough is enough and you don't want to be contacted again. I agree with definitely not giving her your address.

Either that or tell her the horse died.

In your position I would not consider letting someone as unhinged as she sounds know where YOUR horse is kept. I think you need to send her an honest email stating that you are happy to send her an update say once a year with pictures but if she keeps bothering you, then you won’t do this.
Just make clear her messages are unwelcome and she needs to rein it in if she wants you to keep updating her.

And as others have said, no do not give her the address nor let her visit - once will definitely not be enough, one email response wasn't enough and this won't be any different

Op I’ve just worked out that’s approx 5 emails a week since October so pretty much every day or every other day . Wow
I think some people are sympathetic me included because she obviously loves this animal but it’s obsessive.
I think draft a very firm email on what you want this has got to stop .

Either that or tell her the horse died.

Can you imagine if she then passed OP on a hack she’d have to pretend to be a ghost.