To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I wouldnt send her any more pictures at all. Just block.

I would not be giving out address or allowing a visit, she will likely want to visit every time she's in the area or even just turn up when she feels like it unannounced.

Is the girl who who originally gave her your email likely to give out the location, if asked by original owner? I'd be messaging her asking her under no circumstances is she to do so just in case she is messaged by OO.

I'd send her one last message along the lines others have sugested saying he's fine with a couple of final pictures and telling her to stop harrasing you.

Is she well off? Maybe sell him back to her for a very good price.

Do not let her visit. Tell her that he is your horse now and you are not engaging in any further exchanges. Tell her if she persists you will report her for harassment. Then block her on everything.

Who wants to just visit a horse? She'll want to ride him.

Is it awful to say "terrible thing happened, horse died, you'll be as sad as I am"? obviously, I hope nothing happens to your horse.

I'd be tempted to get job lot of garnier and give it a dye job, though.

OP do you think the previous owners sold this horse because this woman was tracking them down and hassling them too? Can you go back to the dealer and find out the lie of the land with this, either way I would not tell this woman where the horse is and refuse all contact from her. If she persists contact the police, this is harassment.

Do not give her your address! You will never be rid of her. Tell her all’s well and that you’ll let her know if he’s ever for sale, but that you’re very happy (and don’t want visitors at the moment). Then don’t reply again. She’s overstepped the mark pretty significantly.

Absolutely don't let her visit. She doesn't sound like she has normal boundaries, or respects them. I'd say you're overwhelmed and to stop contacting you. You will contact her if you are thinking of selling. I think you have to be very clear that you want her to stop messaging, and no, she can't visit. Good luck. This is a bit of a nightmare.

OP do you think the previous owners sold this horse because this woman was tracking them down and hassling them too

I wondered this too.

Maybe the horse was repeatedly sold though a dealer as the new owner didn’t want to give the old owner a chance to buy him back because she’s a flaming lunatic.

I wouldn't give her any hope of visiting or buying him back. You will never get rid of her. If I was you I'd tell her no more messages as the horse is yours, he's happy and well cared for and will not be for sale. She believes in her heart that she still owns him. Time you put her straight. He is your horse and she has no claim of any sort on him.

She’s being ridiculous - 104 messages is so OTT! I’ve had people loan ponies from me and then return them and want to visit after, and I’ve allowed that to be kind, but only at my convenience and certainly wouldn’t if they had been so demanding.

I would respond to say you appreciate their interest but you don’t have the time to keep them in the loop any more. I wouldn’t give any further explanation than that, and if they continue to message you then block them again.

Crikey no @EvilEye’s message is perfect.

Repeat once and block!

That she'll be 'driving around aimlessly' sounds a bit bonkers to me. Initially I was just thinking let her visit once, see he is well looked after & happy...but her level of contact is way too much. I'd reply as you & others have suggested that she has messaged you over 100 times which is beyond your level of comfort, that horse is perfectly fine as you've said several times but if you were to consider agreeing to a visit that having been besieged by her in recent weeks, you've now decided against it. She sounds a bit looney...

I've always been fairly relaxed about previous owners having a few photos and the odd visit. I've had some invaluable history and lovely photos but this has merged into stalker land and I would warn her then block her.she sounds obsessed.

Great advice here OP, but I'd also suggest giving the heads up to anyone who knows you have the horse Not to give her any information at all, ever, and perhaps contact the admins of the horse groups too. Good luck, you can shut this down.

Just came on to say don’t let her and if you do block her, screenshot the number of messages. If she takes to Facebook to try and track him down, report the posts to admin and ask for them to be removed as she is harassing you. Most Facebook groups have rules and she would be in breech of them.
Comment on her posts asking her to stop harassing you if she goes on Facebook to find you.

Hell no. I've only skimmed the thread but there's been a case that was all over social media in recent weeks were a previous owner removed a horse from their current "owner" (which is disputed and not my business to know who's right) after claiming to want a routine visit. There were all sorts of complexities relating to that scenario, but I really wouldn't put it past someone like your horse's ex-owner to have been inspired by it...

I've shared the odd photo / message with old owners but I wouldn't countenance a visit from a bunny boiler like this one.

She sounds batshit. I certainly wouldn't let her visit - don't give her your address! - and I would send one last message saying, out of courtesty, you responded to her initial message to let her know the horse was fine. You have since been very clear you are not interested in selling him and do not want her to visit. State clearly you do not want to receive any further communication from her in any form. Then block her, don't answer messages and return any post.

It's quite sad. She had him 9 years and clearly loved him.

I think I would let her see him once. Make clear it is a one time thing only and no further contact at all after that. Meet somewhere else, not at your property.

Hope this gives her what she needs to move on.
And then block her.

I don’t think she will respect boundaries of you offer one visit

Do not let her visit and don't send any more photos. She's mad and she will not give up if you give her an inch.

That's an insane amount of messages. I'd just reply the horse is fine however due to the harassing amount of messages I feel uncomfortable giving out my address.
Then block her.

She has massively overstepped it and yet I can’t help feeling for her as my horse was part of the family and we were so close right until she died. I don’t understand selling horses on and how they pass hands unless for unexpected financial reasons and this must be agonising sometimes. My horse and I grew up together and she’d lie down and I’d curl up and read with her and 25 years since she died I still think about her.

Did you try telling her the messages were excessive before this point of her asking to visit? As I totally see that she’s now made it really uncomfortable to have her visit . But I also feel sad as it sounds like they have much shared history . It’s a shame for her to have sent excessive messages etc and if you ever go to a local show or something I would more likely explain the contact is too much and you don’t give your address out and can’t reply to messages but that one day when life is more normal you can suggest she says hello at X show - IF this works for you .
You’ve been very unlucky as we had lovely contact with my horse’s first home and I would just write every few years as they cried when she left .

That's almost 21 messages a month - more than one every other day. Eeshk! I can understand adoring a pet and regretting letting him go (I could never rehome one of my pets just because I'm that sentimental that I'd be forever worried if they were okay and if they were being looked after properly but crikey!

If she's that pushy now, imagine how pushy she'd be after a meet and knowing the address of where he is. Perhaps even thinking she could turn up as and when as 'you'd never know'.

I would definitely send a final message along the lines of what other people have already said - that her input is too much. I also would not even make a vague comment of perhaps later in the year or that you'd send info later as she sounds the sort to really not back down or back off.

104 messages, searching facebook sending messages via horses passport office and now she has messaged you daily for 17 days.

I am surprised you havent told this stranger to bugger off a long time ago. It is harrassment, she is not your friend, she has no boundaries. Do not give her your address... i would be telling her to stop contacting or you will go to the police to report her for harrassment. Might be extreme but she sounds deranged