To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I think horses do bond with people, but I don't think its in the same emotional way we bond with them. There's something so amazing (to me anyway) of how they can be so big and yet so gentle for the most part. T for example is 620kg, his back is higher than my head, yet he's always aware of where I am, when he comes in for cuddles (he likes to pop his head over your shoulder and rest on you whilst you scratch him) hes featherlight in his touches. My others are the same, even the shitlands mostly

I think for the horses they are kept in unnatural ways, asked to do things that they would never do in the wild - leave the safety of their herd, be confined to small spaces, wear tack, carry someone on their back, stand for dogs, cars and all other scary nonsense - and all these things leave them feeling vulnerable. I think they can learn that a person brings good things and feelings and they learn to trust that person and to tolerate what that person asks them to do rather than be in that flight state that they would otherwise be in on their own. They recognise that person or persons and respond to them in a positive way. And we give that reliance, that trust human emotions.

Have got appropriate tresspass signs on your land? Are they visible, and in good working order? It might be a good time to check those now.

CCTV might also be a good idea - and asking MN to edit the bit of your post which gives instructions, albeit loose ones. It's not too unlikely that she's Googled about visiting a horse she sold and came across this... Or that she was a member of here anyway.

But you need to end this now. I appreciate you took a variety of advice for your last message, and it's ended up reading a bit weirdly as a result - it's a blend of your "niceness" (I do the same!) and then some quite blunt sentences, but it got your point across. I wouldn't start further conversations with her (ie the photos you mentioned) at this point - potentially if this dies down with little reply, but not while it seems that she's trying to find the horse.

My concern would be that if she's fixated on her horse, and she doesn't agree with how you look after him, she could cause some irritating trouble from that anger.

Being laidback is lovely, and like I said, I'm a people pleaser too - but don't underestimate the potential risk.

I'd tell her to stop harassing me tbh. He's no longer her horse.

Pls start a new thread if you haven't already OP. We are all clearly very invested in this

I am vbery very invested. And it worries me the strange car was seen today (Wednesday) when she had said she wanted to pop by on Wednesday.

I second mentioning what's going on to your neighbours. Most horse/rural people I've met over the years are willing to look out for each other. If you are on here A you really need to seek help for your obsessive behaviour.

Ah good idea to remove the post which kind of describes the 'steps' to get to your place. With local context, that could help someone find you!

I have indeed messaged the group and said it might be A on a horse hunt but that she doesn't have my permission to go and so if she asks for directions send her 20 miles away feign ignorance.

Its just annoying tbh. I don't want to overact and get all anxious (I have a history of catastrophizing and anxiety) but nor do I want to be too blase and as a result end up in a mess. I do genuinely believe she wouldn't do anything insane but nor do I want to share my horse with someone else by default.

Blue eyes!!!!

Oh that is so her! 😱

Thank goodness you mentioned harassment in your text.

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

Let’s just let people have things because they want them regardless of the impact or inconvenience or cost to you? She sold the horse because she couldn’t afford to keep him. There’s no indication that she can afford to buy the horse or look after him properly now. The boy is home, with his rightful owner.

While I do think there's every chance that it is her driving around and looking, there has been a massive increase in idiots using the countryside as their playground, blocking gateways, running dogs wherever they feel like it, sheep have been killed by dogs and slaughtered by people. Dogs, sheep and machinery have been stolen so I can understand why Farmer Dave is twitchy, we are too.

TBH i think I might become an advocate of the 'I want it so the owner should give it to me'. There is a manor house near me that I love. I dream about this house. We went to view it when it was up for sale, but realised that although we could buy it (purchase price) we could never do it up and it was almost derelict. I cannot tell you the pangs I have over this lost house.

I might start sending the new owners (who have done it up beautifully if the scaffolding all over it for 3 years is any guide) mesages suggesting that as it is my one true house of my heart they should be kind.

I was thinking about this thread while walking ddog. Before I had the three cats I have now I had another cat. She was the most amazing cat. I left my ex, took the cat and she was lovely to come home to after work instead of an empty flat. Once the kids came along she would sleep on the landing to guard them while they sleep. She talked to me and was epic. She was the one. I love the cats I have now. Absolutely adore them. Wouldn't swap them to get my first cat back and won't get more animals as cat number two wouldn't cope. No one can say I don't love them.

So, stop berating the OP. You can look after your animal really well and love them very much even when another animal holds a piece of your heart.

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon could you keep T for a short while somewhere else? If it was A (and I think there is a good chance that it was), then she is getting close. I‘d keep him somewhere else for a few weeks.

@Parkerwhereareyou - It's all very well and good saying the OP should sell or loan HER horse (he is hers now after all) to the original owner. But that owner had the chance of buying the horse back within the past couple of years and couldn't afford him. If she can't afford the horse, how could she afford the upkeep?

Would you seriously be happy with a horse potentially not getting the care it needs, the vet visits it needs, the regular treatments all animals need just so it could live with a person who loves him, thinks of him as 'hers'?

Even if OP were in a position to sell or loan the horse she'd be very, very wrong to just hand the horse back without being sure he is going to be looked after - not just loved. I can love my cat but if I don't regularly worm her, treat her for fleas, get her vaccinations, boosters, check ups and deal with a gum problem she got as a kitten all the love in the world won't stop her being in pain.

You can sentimentalise all you want but this woman hasn't proved she'd be in a position to care for the animal in any way, shape or form. So even if OP were in a position where she'd be happy to talk, she shouldn't.

As it is OP doesn't want to sell, doesn't want to loan and isn't a charity case. She's offered to send photographs, has given an update and that should be enough. If the woman believes the horse is in danger she can report it but there's no evidence of that so she needs to back off and have a chat to her doctor about the issues that are making her so obsessed.

As the thread is coming to an end, I thought I’d drop in one of my favourite poems.

The Horse by Ronald Duncan

Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride,
friendship without envy or beauty without vanity?
Here, where grace is laced with muscle, and strength by gentleness confined.

He serves without servility; he has fought without enmity. There is
nothing so powerful, nothing less violent, there is nothing so quick,
nothing more patient.

England’s past has been borne on his back. All our history is his
industry; we are his heirs; he our inheritance.

@SunshineCake

I was thinking about this thread while walking ddog. Before I had the three cats I have now I had another cat. She was the most amazing cat. I left my ex, took the cat and she was lovely to come home to after work instead of an empty flat. Once the kids came along she would sleep on the landing to guard them while they sleep. She talked to me and was epic. She was the one. I love the cats I have now. Absolutely adore them. Wouldn't swap them to get my first cat back and won't get more animals as cat number two wouldn't cope. No one can say I don't love them.

So, stop berating the OP. You can look after your animal really well and love them very much even when another animal holds a piece of your heart.

I definitely had a "one" cat. I still miss him nearly 20 years since he died. He was such a character and adored me.

But equally I recall my first cat after I left home. After two or three years I sadly had to rehome him (with my best friend) due to accommodation difficulties. Whenever I visited my friend, when he saw me he would turn tail and leave the room with a "that bitch!" expression. Some years later when I was settled, he had to come and stay with me while my friend was between houses. He was disgusted! But after some weeks, he wanted to sit on someone's lap and grudgingly came and sat on mine. He wasn't happy but his lap needs overrode his bitterness. God love him!

This is absolute madness! No one would put up with this behaviour from someone who owned something four people before you so why should it be acceptable with a horse. Mental. Hope you don't hear anything else and it wasn't her driving round.

Parkerwhereareyou
hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )*

The reality is that the horse will, by now, have forgotten its original owner. What's important for the horse is that it has a good home, with someone that has the time and resources to care for it properly, bearing in mind the huge costs involved. Is has this with OP. The horse would gain nothing from being forced to move yet again, possibly to a home without adequate resources to care for it properly.

It feels too much of a coincidence that today is Wednesday the day that previous owner wanted to come, who stated she would be driving round aimlessly if the OP didn't provide her address and Farmer Dave has spotted someone driving around looking into fields.

Just be cautious and aware, OP.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

The horse is fine. He also belongs to the op. And the op is under no obligation to give him away or loan him, particularly as she wants to keep him. She paid for him, she looks after him, and that is that. There is no obligation to previous owners, particularly ones that are borderline stalkers.

@BronwenFrideswide

It feels too much of a coincidence that today is Wednesday the day that previous owner wanted to come, who stated she would be driving round aimlessly if the OP didn't provide her address and Farmer Dave has spotted someone driving around looking into fields.

Just be cautious and aware, OP.

Exactly what I was thinking. Fingers crossed it isn’t her.

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

Have you not read Black Beauty?

Horses are property, they are bought and sold. The horse belongs to the legal owner.

TLW 😏