To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I don't think shes unhinged enough to steal him (I hope) although I admit its crossed my mind. I think she just desperately misses him and knowing hes close she cant let go. She describes him as her horse of a lifetime and he got her through some difficult times. She clearly didnt want to sell him but circumstances meant she had to and she sold him to someone she knew who was supposed to be a forever home and then hes been to several since so I get shes upset. I veer between thinking dont be a bitch let her see him and dear me shes way too much run!

Like others, I thought you were being harsh until the 104 messages bit and going through horse passport office to continue contact after you blocked her.

Agree with the message above to stop contact and volume of messages making you uncomfortable.

Her behaviour with contacting the passport office has shown she will not respect your boundaries. Which is a shame as she may have been a good holiday care option if you went away.

Don’t let her know where you live or he is under any circumstances.
Sorry OP but you’ve got to be firm and refuse visits, contact with her and reinforce you will never, ever be selling him.

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

I think thats what is bothering me. Will one visit be enough? Will it genuinely set her mind at rest to know hes well and loved or will she just want more and more.

The yard is secure but its just my horses on it and its off a track off a country lane off another country lane so its very isolated. I dont think shed do anything crazy like steal him, but I am not sure she wouldnt just visit when she wanted and I suppose at the end of the day thats my issue.

We also have different ideas on the best way to look after a horse. She used to stable him for most of the time. Mine are out with 24/7 access to a barn and only really stabled if its really bad weather or I need them to be clean and dry because we going somewhere. Mine are barefoot, she shod. I suspect she will feel that he is not being "pampered" enough.

I think the bottom line is I am freaked out by her tenacity and so just want to avoid her.

You've answered your own question. Say no to this woman - put your hoof down

Yanbu, but I feel sorry for her and I'd make it clear I would keep her informed, give her first refusal and I'd let her visit once, but I would instigate all future contact.
If I had been forced to part with any of mine and then watch powerlessly while they passed through a succession of homes and dealers I suspect I would be desperate enough to harass anyone to make sure my pet was ok. I'm not an overly sympathetic person, I hate people hassling me nor am I the people pleasing type, but in a situation like this I'd be willing to offer some understanding.

She's not been posting on the Trace my Horse Facebook group has she?

I remember a previous owner being blocked by the admin because she found her old horse and couldn't accept that the new owner didn't want to give the horse back to her or have any contact.

She was constantly posting that the owner had blocked her and she just needed to know the horse was alright.

The horse was totally fine, the new owner was fed up of the harassment.

I think you need to avoid her without antagonizing her. First you have to be clear that he can only be visited in your presence. And then you could always say that you are not comfortable with unnecessary meetings during the pandemic. And that currently you are not ready for anything other than very occasional messaging.
Then ignore/ block for a while.
The issue isn’t really about the horse being yours; it’s about the woman being a borderline stalker. I adopted a dog from someone and don’t mind contact and visita, but that’s because he doesn’t push his luck.

Will one visit be enough? Will it genuinely set her mind at rest to know hes well and loved or will she just want more and more

I would expect her wanting it to be a regular thing. If she doesn't agree with your care of him, I wouldn't be too surprised if she started raising her 'concerns' on Facebook or with the RSPCA etc. Her behaviour so far makes this seem like a potential time and energy sapper.

I get he may have left her in unhappy circumstances but you bought him fair and square. She knows he is safe and has seen photos. She needs to move on.

Do not let her know you’re address and read her message again, she’s telling you she’s visiting, not even asking. This to me says it’s all about her needs, she has no boundaries or consideration of you and what you want -

“thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly!”

We had this with a previous owner of one of ours , absolute bloody nightmare , just message her and say he’s fine , he’s with you for life and to please stop contacting you .

I get it and feel very sorry for her but the number of messages she has sent is insane. It would really, really bother me that she said “you didn’t reply to my message last night” when she is a complete stranger!!!

I was ready to say you were being unreasonable, until I got to the 104 messages point, that's a lot, no wonder you blocked her.

I think you need to be firm, you could use Covid as an excuse, but honestly I think she'd just carry on contacting you when Covid restrictions lift.

I would just explain firmly that horse has a home for life and that he's very happy and healthy, maybe send another picture or two out of goodwill. You could always say if you ever did decide to sell she would be the first person you'd contact, but that you're uncomfortable with the amount of messages so you'd like to cease contact, and I'd also add please don't post on social media trying to track him down again..

I do feel a bit sorry for her as she clearly regrets ever selling him especially with him being passed around, she probably wishes she'd kept him, and she's probably worried he'll get sold on again, but the 104 messages is unhinged..

Do not give this person your address. If you want to be polite tell them it's not convenient and then block them. Do not engage in any further messages.

But you could say you'll give her first refusal if you do sell for any unforeseen reason. That might calm her down.

Also, the tone of her latest text message is over the top entitled and just assumes that a visit is OK with you. She's not asking. I'd have to set this person straight. Hell no.

Forgot to add, I would also speak to local horsey people and tell them under no circumstances are they to give out your contact details or let this woman know the address for the horse.. as she might turn up a different stable and say "oh do you know dragon.. I'm a bit lost.." etc.

No. Just.. no
I sold a horse, I had her from when I was 11 to 17. Normal was me (knowing what yard she was on) passing by one day and I dropped in to ask if she was still alive basically as I worked out she would be mid twenties and wasn't sure if she had been sold. New owner, same yard, went to see her, horse glared at me normal for her and showed how not old she was by galloping around the field. We had a chat and that was it.
Or a message asking if horse is ok, new owner says yes, sends a few pics back, old owner says could I pop in if passing, new owner says yes/no, everyone's happy
Not that number of messages

Imagine she knows where you live and starts on about wanting him back? Block her in all ways op... She sounds off her saddle!!

I know nothing about horses, but I do love animals. HOrses are living beings, and intelligent animals, yes? We've adopted a few animals, and as far as we were concerned they were ours for life, from the instant they were adopted. We've adopted them, cared for them. They are *our babies.

She sold this one on, for whatever reason. He's yours now. That's it. This person made their choices. It's not fair on you or the animal to muck about.

Ignore. Report them for harassment. Especially if they continue.

I was going to say that I felt a bit sorry for A, that she must have really regretted selling him and just wants to know he’s OK, but then I saw that she’s had chance to buy him back AND has sent you 104 messages AND contacted the HPO...so no. YANBU because she seems the type who would never leave you alone, she’d always “happen” to be at the yard and before you know it she’ll be acting as if the horse is hers again.

I would send her one final message saying that you appreciate her position but the horse is now yours. Given get volume of messaging you don’t feel that one visit would be the end of it, so it’s better not to go down this route. The horse is well and loved, and has a long term home with you after having been passed from pillar to post (poor bugger). Enclose a photo if you like, but then say that you don’t want any further correspondence and any FB posts trying to find him will not be responded to.

If she doesn’t back off then I’d warn her about harassment. Could you also give the others on your yard a heads up in case she happens to pop by looking for him?

I dreaded a previous owner of my old horse turning up, for precisely this reason! Fortunately New Horse’s previous owners limit themselves to keeping in touch politely, sending a Christmas card and liking my Instagram posts about her.

no way - block she sounds mental

i would not in a million years let her visit, she will do it behind your back once she knows where hes stabled.

send her more pictures, ask her not to contact you constantly or you will block her

Could you meet up with her in a different location so she doesn’t know where he is?

Don't give her any information or a chance to visit or even the hope that you may sell to her at any point. She is bonkers. I'd be raging with whoever gave her your email address too! Final message to say stop messaging me, the horse is fine and not for sale.

She originally messaged a couple of times a week. A sort of found this old pic and thought you'd like to see it or a funny story about him. At first I answered because it was nice, but then I started to feel a bit quizzed because shed ask what Id dont with him, had we been for a ride, how had he been, did he do this, did he do that so I stopped answering as much and then stopped answering every message. Then her frequency increased to every other day, and then Ive had a message every day for the last 17 days. Ive answered 3 of them.

I think I just need to be blunt. I have said hes not for sale although I said if I did ever sell id let her know.

Re the visiting when she first mentioned it I was like oh yeah maybe we could sort something out, but then she mentioned bringing C and making a day of it and I backtracked but I appreciate not clearly enough. That is on me. I just feel mean!

I think ill take the tack that tbh the messages have freaked me out and as a result Id just like some space for now. Ill keep her updated by sending pictures and stuff a couple of times a year and then see if she does back off a bit in which case maybe we could arrange something in the future (I wont say this) as perhaps shes just over excited to know where he is after searching for so long. ...

Absolutely say no OP. She sounds like she's in bunny boiler territory.

104 messages, the Facebook groups, horse passport requests, texting you assuming she's going to visit is all odd behaviour and not someone who can be trusted to know the whereabouts of your horse.

Could you report her to the admins of Facebook groups as well to let them know that she's trying to trace a horse and find information after you've already declined a visit (assuming you say no)?

Whilst I hate the MN 'log it with 101', this is the first time I might think it's a good idea. She is harassing you and if she's as irrational and possessive as she seems so far, I'd not put it past her to start inventing false stories about the horse or making up fictitious animal welfare stories.