To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I would be extremely cross with the last who passed on your email address.

I would also not let her have your address. This will not end well. You could ask her foe her address and send an update letter at Christmas, that way all contact is her way

Post on the Tack Room here, OP? I know there have been posts about former owners keeping in touch (though less aggressively!)

I was all for saying there was no harm in letting her visit until I saw she'd sent 104 messages!!!

Please stop contacting me. The volume of messages that I've had from you is making me uncomfortable. I do not wish to sell him, and I am not interested in visitors from strangers. Horse is very well and happy

^ pp worded this perfectly

104 is bonkers but you sound like you have not been direct and said its my horse now, they are safe and well and I don't want contact.
That lack of clarity is on you...

Jesus don’t give her your address!

Just say, it’s all making you a bit uncomfortable,104 message is too much, the horse is fine and with you for life but if you updated all yours horses’ previous owners, you wouldn’t get a seconds peace.

I was going to say YABU, I'd rather the previous owners loved my animal and treated them well. But over a hundred messages is ridiculous.

If you let her visit I think she would just keep turning up. I don't know if there is anywhere neutral you could visit and hope that sets her mind at rest?

I think you need to say you're really busy and aren't comfortable with the number of messages she is sending you. You've reassured her many times that the horse is fine but now she knows that, any further correspondence is for just her benefit and not the horse and please could she leave it there and you will get in touch if anything changes in the future (eg anything changes and you want to sell). If you want you could meet somewhere neutral so you can basically say 'now you've seen he is fine, please leave us alone'

She's a nutter. Tell her you will be calling the police if she keeps harassing you. Imagine this was a house purchase or a car purchase. I don't think you would have tolerated any of it then!

I’d be worried about her knowing what yard he’s on, she sounds obsessed and I’d be fearful of her horse napping him. 😬 but then I tend to think the worst of people...

Don’t let her visit. The letter devised by the poster a ways up, has summed it up beautifully. She will become a problem.

I think you have been more than reasonable up to now, but I think you need to close this down now with one firm message, reiterating his new home for life, you’ve shared photos and to please leave you alone. State you will close communication and anything further is harassment. This is bonkers behaviour and the level of intensity shown by them makes me suspicious.
Good luck.

No! Don’t tell her where you live she sounds bloody unhinged.

Message her for the last time and say - he’s fine but your not comfortable with her visiting and you don’t want to sell and that she needs to stop messaging you.

I know very little about horses - but can imagine how upset I'd feel if this was me with my cats.

But her messages are bordering on the insane. I don't think you should let her visit, she sounds like she's turn up again once she knows where you are.

I'd reply along the lines of pp suggestions and just tell her that if you ever do have to sell/regime him then you'll let her know but other than that you don't want any more contact.

Nah. She’s overstepped with 104 messages and the passport thing. I would just reiterate the horse is well, being looked after and you have no intention to sell. Then block her.

Don’t respond to the direct request for your address, it won’t just be one visit!

@EvilEye

"Please stop contacting me. The volume of messages that I've had from you is making me uncomfortable. I do not wish to sell him, and I am not interested in visitors from strangers. Horse is very well and happy".

Block.

This!

She sounds desperate and that’s sad but you don’t want her knowing where you live or this hassle in your life. You’ve been reasonable. You’ve done enough.

This is bonkers - if you let her visit once it will open the floodgates and she will know the address and keep coming. Not on at all! You need to be really firm here, she’s harassing you and it must stop!

She owned him for 9 years though. If I'd had to sell an animal I'd owned for that long I'm sure id love an opportunity to see them again. If it was me I'd let her visit.

Jesus no. Do not let her visit. Send her one very blunt message to say that her contacting you is becoming harassment and that she needs to stop. You will not be agreeing to a visit or responding to further messages and you will be speaking to the passport people to make sure that they do not facilitate contact either. Then block her. 104 messages is batshit. I would also suggest you message the admin of the various pages she keeps posting on about the horse and ask them to either not approve her posts or to just give them a heads up that this woman is batshit and you have not disappeared or done anything dodgy with the horse, you are just not ok with being harassed.

If she visits then she'll be wanting just one ride, then another.

You don't want her knowing where the horse is stabled either if it's not with you. If she's that frantic to see the horse she might want to ride him as well.

I wouldn't give her your address or she will probably just turn up when she feels like it. Also, if she comes to see the horse again it may make her feel even more strongly about having him back causing her behaviour to escalate even more. I lost a dog when I split up from an ex, and i know if i were to see that dog today I'd want to bring him home with me, i regret ever letting him go. It's better I just never see him again. I do feel for her but shes far too intense and it's not your problem that she let the horse go. She needs to find a way to accept how things are and move on.

I also wouldn’t let her know where your horse is. She sounds very pushy and I’d be concerned about her stealing him. I think one last message telling her to back off and that you have no thoughts of selling him ever.

Don't do this! She sounds nuts - I agree with sending one final message saying horse is happy and healthy and you won't be in contact again.

Yanbu. "No I haven't replied to your last message. All is fine. Maybe you aren't aware but since last October you have sent me 104 messages, it's too much for me to be honest. T is great, he has a happy home here for life. Visits aren't possible and this is the last message I will send. Take care"

Just tell her exactly what you’ve said ‘I’ve let you know he’s okay but he’s my horse, I don’t want you visiting or contacting me again

^This.

I wouldn't say you'll let her know if anything happens as that will keep the door ajar.

As you say it's a shame she regrets selling him and couldn't afford to buy him when the chance came up (I think that was her, sorry if I've not followed), but it isn't your problem and that number of messages, following up with the horse passport people and writing all over facebook repeatedly is beyond a reasonable request for an update on a beloved horse she previously owned. In fact it sounds a bit unhinged and would put me off wanting to hear back from her at all. And in your shoes I wouldn't have minded a quick visit to say 'hello' but I doubt it will end there.

I would politely say 'I assure you he is fine, he's well loved and has a home for life here. He isn't for sale and I am very experienced with horses so you don't need to worry about him. I understand you regret letting him go but I am going to end the conversation here due to the volume of contact via various channels'. Then block.

She's overstepped the mark here and I'd not think too much about politely letting her know that. If you decide to sell in future for any reason, you can always unblock and give her first refusal.