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Would you keep that you’d inherited 10k a secret from your husband?

612 replies

MoonBaby1 · 21/03/2021 17:57

In a generally happy, good relationship?
I have and it feels a bit weird but also really freeing. It’s been a tough few years money wise but we’re both in a position where we’re earning and working.

We both contribute to the household bills about 2/3 him and 1/3 me (I’m still part time as youngest is 2 yrs) and he’s in charge of all food and drink bills.

Just having this money up my sleeve has been very freeing. I’m not going mad but I bought the dc some strawberries and ribena from the shop and he saw me disposing of the rubbish in the outside bins with raised eyebrows. I want to sneak some other bits bought on amazon (socks, some chocolate and a scarf) into the house but feel guilty. If I own up he won’t condone this kind of spending and will insist it gets saved. I just want to enjoy about £500 over the year on little things and save the rest. AIBU?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

SixyTixts · 21/03/2021 17:58

Your husband doesn’t let you buy chocolate?


Macaroni46 · 21/03/2021 17:58

Personally I think it'd be really off to keep it secret. How would you feel if the tables were turned?


MajorMujer · 21/03/2021 17:59

It would never occur to me to hide anything like that from my DH, so I'd have to say YABU.


DOINGOURBIT · 21/03/2021 17:59

A happy good relationship and you're worried about the packaging from some fruit for the children?


nimbuscloud · 21/03/2021 18:00

You have to hide ribena bottles ??
Do you never do a food shop yourself ?


iolaus · 21/03/2021 18:00

I haven't told mine I inherited £5000 - if he asked if I had inherited anything I'd tell him

He'd want us to do something with it - I'd rather have it (or most of it) as a safety net in case of a big expediture needed


GloGirl · 21/03/2021 18:00

If it was my husband I would be furious but I dont think he gets the ultimate say in what I am allowed to spend either.

If you want to save it into an escape then YANBU.


Mellonsprite · 21/03/2021 18:01

That sounds a very unhealthy and unusual way of managing finances if you have to sneak ‘illicit’ boxes of fruit and chocolate out of the house ☹️


WhereamI88 · 21/03/2021 18:01

He won't let you buy your children strawberries and treats? Keep that money secret, sounds like you will need it to leave that abusive arsehole.


BIWI · 21/03/2021 18:01

Sounds like your issue here isn't about the inheritance, but with a husband who is financially controlling.

On that basis, I'd definitely be squirelling as much money away as possible!


ScruffGin · 21/03/2021 18:01

I would suggest you're not that happy if you can't buy socks and chocolate without causing hassle from your husband? With or without the inheritance


Troublewaters2021 · 21/03/2021 18:01

Raised eye brows at strawberries and a Ribena ?


CreosoteQueen · 21/03/2021 18:01

I think it’s really, really weird to keep this a secret and I don’t believe you can be in a good or happy relationship if you feel you do need to keep it secret, and if your husband begrudges you spending money on things like strawberries and socks.


MoonBaby1 · 21/03/2021 18:01

We’ve really had a hard couple of years and he’s better at the food shop than me. He’d let me put some cheap chocolate on the Aldi list but buying anything from a village shop is frowned upon.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 21/03/2021 18:01

I changed my vote as initially I thought yabu but seeing as how he wouldn’t like you buying strawberries I think yanbu

It sounds like you’re in an abusive situation


Troublewaters2021 · 21/03/2021 18:02

Sneaking in socks ?????

Ok so something is very wrong.


Invisablewoman · 21/03/2021 18:02

Erm no!


PotteringAlong · 21/03/2021 18:02


No, I would never ever hide that from my husband. Nor would I hide Ribena or socks though so I suspect you have got bigger issues at play here.

If you are hiding this from him and think it is freeing your relationship is neither as good nor as happy as you think it is.


flapjackfairy · 21/03/2021 18:02

What ? If you cant buy straw berries without your husband having a pop then there is something seriously wrong. Having said that it is a bit tight to keep this money all to yourself when he contributes more to the running of the household.
I don't understand modern family finances tbh . Dh and I have never kept money from each other. Everything is pooled and shared as family money.
We are old fashioned no doubt.


DarlingCoffee · 21/03/2021 18:02

Wait, he won’t condone you spending money on socks do I have that right? I think everyone should have a little money that they can call their own to spend as they wish. £500 to splurge on if you’re saving the rest sounds more than reasonable, but are you going to tell him about the rest OP?


Candleabra · 21/03/2021 18:02

Your husband raises eyebrows at the children eating strawberries? Please don't fritter away you inheritance on perfectly reasonable household expenses.
You may need it to escape your awful husband.


PorcelainCatStack · 21/03/2021 18:02

In a normal relationship I’d say hiding it was not.

With a DH who is controlling with money - especially over tiny things such as strawberries for the children, I’d not only say YANBU but I’d also say LTB. That’s not normal.


LawnFever · 21/03/2021 18:03

I think it’s more worrying that your husband raised his eyebrows at strawberries & ribena and ordinarily you wouldn’t I assume have cash to buy little bits like that?

No wonder you want to keep this money a secret, do you not have access to cash? Why would you need to hide the packaging from him?


CaribGrackle · 21/03/2021 18:03

Wouldn't dream of either not telling DH or not sharing my good fortune with him.


alpenguin · 21/03/2021 18:03

If he’s concerned about you buying strawberries and socks then I’d keep because that’s the kind of relationship I’d want to escape and £10k would be useful.

You have to justify kids treats?

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