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Would you keep that you’d inherited 10k a secret from your husband?

612 replies

MoonBaby1 · 21/03/2021 17:57

In a generally happy, good relationship?
I have and it feels a bit weird but also really freeing. It’s been a tough few years money wise but we’re both in a position where we’re earning and working.

We both contribute to the household bills about 2/3 him and 1/3 me (I’m still part time as youngest is 2 yrs) and he’s in charge of all food and drink bills.

Just having this money up my sleeve has been very freeing. I’m not going mad but I bought the dc some strawberries and ribena from the shop and he saw me disposing of the rubbish in the outside bins with raised eyebrows. I want to sneak some other bits bought on amazon (socks, some chocolate and a scarf) into the house but feel guilty. If I own up he won’t condone this kind of spending and will insist it gets saved. I just want to enjoy about £500 over the year on little things and save the rest. AIBU?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

chickensoup23 · 21/03/2021 18:13

Take the 10k and leave. Sounds like a horrendous way of living. He's controlling and your post is worrying

Twisty333 · 21/03/2021 18:13

No, I would not keep 10k from my husband so I could piss it away on strawberries and chocolate. Especially not if I barely worked and only contributed 1/3. So selfish!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2021 18:14


The thing is, he’s not financially abusive. He’s just bog standard tight Grin. Totally un materialistic which I admire and doesn’t buy himself new stuff either if he can help it.

My DH can be tight. But I wouldn't feel weird coming home with fruit, Ribena or chocolate. Or new clothes, anything really. The fact you do seems to imply he's controlling.
MrsTulipTattsyrup · 21/03/2021 18:15

This doesn’t actually sound like a good and happy relationship. I wouldn’t think of keep an inheritance secret from my husband, in the same way as he wouldn’t dream of telling me what I could or couldn’t do with it. As long as you’re not struggling to pay the bills between you, there’s no reason not to have autonomy over your money. To have to sneak in treats is not normal or healthy.

I think you need a harder look at your relationship overall and examine how happy you really are. There are flags here for coercive control.

Shoxfordian · 21/03/2021 18:15

I hate tight behaviour so this wouldn’t be a happy relationship at all for me

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2021 18:16


No, I would not keep 10k from my husband so I could piss it away on strawberries and chocolate. Especially not if I barely worked and only contributed 1/3. So selfish!!

Did someone sound the misogyny klaxon?

She working and providing childcare that they BOTH benefit from.
customwatkins · 21/03/2021 18:16

If you can keep such a huge lie from your DH then something is very wrong. This would end my marriage if DH or I did this. The deception is a marriage killer.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 21/03/2021 18:16

I just did inherit 5,000 and it seemed obvious to me to tell DH and that we would decide together how to spend it.

But there again he is not 'tight' or financially abusive. He would be happy for me to keep it or spend it all on myself but I would never do that. The person who left it would not have wanted that.

Is this a surprise inheritance? I think I would have found it hard to hide mine from DH as he knew the person had died and it would have been very odd if she didn't leave me anything. I'd have had to outright lie if I wanted to conceal it.

Shufflebudge · 21/03/2021 18:17

Buying socks and strawberries for your children is not materialistic. His financial abuse seems to have warped your view. Take the money and get out whilst you can.

WisnaeMe · 21/03/2021 18:18

Based on your opening post and responses OP, I wouldn't tell this guy I'd FARTED never mind inherited £10k.

You must keep that money somewhere save and know you can add to it, slowly too. 🌺

Hiding wrappers I despair. 🙄

Zenithbear · 21/03/2021 18:18

Well you aren't happy for a start if you have to hide everyday small purchases from your partner who is "in charge" of buying all food and drink.
Keep the money you will definitely be needing it.
And no I wouldn't be hiding an inheritance from my dp, I'd be sharing it with him like he would do with me. But we aren't controlling or abusive with money.

luxxlisbon · 21/03/2021 18:18

This makes his money shared and your money yours imo.

GintyMcGinty · 21/03/2021 18:19

It sounds like your relationship is in trouble on many levels.

Miffed2020 · 21/03/2021 18:19

Maybe look at it the other way. If he inherited £10k and didn't tell you, how would you feel?

MrsExpo · 21/03/2021 18:19

With a husband who considers the price of a bottle of Ribena should be “saved” then, no I would not tell him. Regardless of whether you’ve had a tough couple of years, his attitude isn’t good.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 21/03/2021 18:20

No wouldn't hide it from my husband. The fact that you are hiding it and having to hide tiny spends like strawberries and soft drinks suggests that you don’t have a ‘generally good, happy relationship’ Sad.

Greenrubber · 21/03/2021 18:20

I'm guessing he's in charge of the finances because he's better at it? If you want to fritter away money after having a tough financial time it seems you could easily fritter away the whole lot
If yous are still digging yourselves out of a hole then I would be annoyed at my husband buying stuff from the shop that isn't needed
If you are good financially then I don't understand why you are hiding it from him

ivfbeenbusy · 21/03/2021 18:20

Hardly a marriage is it if you are wanting to lie about such a thing

YABU and deceitful

Soontobe60 · 21/03/2021 18:21

It’s sad that you have to hide things from him. I’d tell him but also tell him that you intend to spend XXX amount on treats. If he objects, tell him to sod off.

WisnaeMe · 21/03/2021 18:21

Strawberries Socks and Chocolate is considered frittering, well who knew 🤔.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 21/03/2021 18:21


The thing is, he’s not financially abusive. He’s just bog standard tight Grin. Totally un materialistic which I admire and doesn’t buy himself new stuff either if he can help it.

Sorry OP, but he is financially abusive.
ChristmasAlone · 21/03/2021 18:21

I'm not sure your definition of a happy relationship is what I would agree is happy. Having to hide tiny purchases like Ribena and Strawberries is strange, thinking £500 is a splurge (I understand its all relative) makes it even more strange. Normal circumstances I'd mention, but here probably not. Ducks or something.

Purplewithred · 21/03/2021 18:22

I would tell DH, but then he's not a tight bastard who would try to stop me spending money on everyday items that we could well afford.

Moirarose2021 · 21/03/2021 18:23

I would tell my partner who would expect me to spend / save it on myself.
Hiding buying strawberries and ribena, that's not tight that's obscene. So in a normal relationship, I would expect to tell and possibly share, in yours I would stash it away so I could leave.

greenfrogs1 · 21/03/2021 18:23


In my relationship, no I wouldn't hide it because my husband isn't abusive.

Your relationship isn't normal if he is raising eyebrows at you buying strawberries for your children.

Exactly this.
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