Would you keep that you’d inherited 10k a secret from your husband?

[MoonBaby1]

In a generally happy, good relationship?
I have and it feels a bit weird but also really freeing. It’s been a tough few years money wise but we’re both in a position where we’re earning and working.

We both contribute to the household bills about 2/3 him and 1/3 me (I’m still part time as youngest is 2 yrs) and he’s in charge of all food and drink bills.

Just having this money up my sleeve has been very freeing. I’m not going mad but I bought the dc some strawberries and ribena from the shop and he saw me disposing of the rubbish in the outside bins with raised eyebrows. I want to sneak some other bits bought on amazon (socks, some chocolate and a scarf) into the house but feel guilty. If I own up he won’t condone this kind of spending and will insist it gets saved. I just want to enjoy about £500 over the year on little things and save the rest. AIBU?

[EnjoyingTheSilence]

Doesn’t sound right to me. I inherited a similar amount a few years ago, dh was all for me spending it what I wanted but it went towards the family.

How would you feel if your dh hid money from you?

[MiddleClassMother]

YABU, I share everything with DH. Maybe he needs therapy if he's tight with money though, you can't take it with you!

[2020isnotbehaving]

It depends if you really are on so hard up even buying some strawberries is something worthy of mention. Then yes sounds like the household could do with the cash. If however you both have spare cash and he’s just really tight I would consider being able do tiny “treats” over the year part of my spending money. Buying food or socks for kids is hardly lavish lifestyle.

[Grandslam21]

I’d say yabu. Why are you keeping it a secret from him? So he’s contributing a fair bit more of his money to your household expenses, but as soon as you come into some money you decide to not only keep the lot to yourself, but to keep it a secret. It would be more understandable if this was a bad relationship and you were keeping it to one side as an escape fund, but you’re planning on pissing a decent chunk of money up the wall

[Idontbelieveit12]

That doesn’t sound a happy relationship to me.

[YoniAndGuy]

@MoonBaby1

We’ve really had a hard couple of years and he’s better at the food shop than me. He’d let me put some cheap chocolate on the Aldi list but buying anything from a village shop is frowned upon.

I imagine by the sound of it he considers himself better than you at most things, right?

Yep, keep it a secret. But don't blow even £500 on little things. Keep it safe, you may need it.

[Troublewaters2021]

You don’t even sound like yours existing
You are both working ? 2 wages coming in but are you saying your problem was that bad you couldn’t of bought strawberries because of the cost ?

[MadMadMadamMim]

I would not dream of hiding this from my husband.

But then, he's not financially abusive.

[SoWhyNot]

It doesn’t sound like a generally good or happy relationship. I’d keep quiet and think of it as my get out money if things continued.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@MoonBaby1 it sounds as though you feel you can't tell him? Why?

[Iggly]

Your DH sounds really controlling. Unless you are going to drip feed that you’ve had massive gambling debts and he’s had to reign you in.

I would keep that money for when you leave him!

[LawnFever]

If you need/want socks & a scarf why can’t you buy them anyway, that’s hardly splurging in expensive unnecessary things!

[LifesNotEnidBlyton]

I think this is really odd and not fair. Your spouse is your partner in life and I dont understand people who get married but go on like they're still "single equals" and not "equal partnership". You work part time and look after your son and so he works full time for more money so that sounds really normal and equal so I di t think it's fair to keep something like this from him if theres no drip feed where hes done something that makes you need to run away. In a divorce inheritance is t the sane as family money but when you're still in the marriage I think it's only fair that the spouse knows you've got it, they don't have to have final say in how its spent but to not know it's there is keeping a big secret, it's really odd, and not really in the spirit of a marriage.

[LubaLuca]

I wouldn't hide the inheritance or the purchases. My husband wouldn't be particularly interested in either anyway, unless I decided to use it for something that required his input e.g. a big holiday or paying off a chunk of the mortgage.

[Iggly]

You work part time and look after your son and so he works full time for more money

Er the husband benefits from this arrangement - it’s his child too?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Is it genuinely that you literally can't afford strawberries from the village shop? Really, it would impoverish you?

Or is he a controlling tightwad?

Really consider this.

[MoonBaby1]

The thing is, he’s not financially abusive. He’s just bog standard tight . Totally un materialistic which I admire and doesn’t buy himself new stuff either if he can help it.

[LifesNotEnidBlyton]

isnt the same that should have been....

[wizzbangfizz]

Why can't you just tell him and say you Weill save the rest but you want 500 to fritter as you see fit?! This is very strange.

[titchy]

@MoonBaby1

The thing is, he’s not financially abusive. He’s just bog standard tight . Totally un materialistic which I admire and doesn’t buy himself new stuff either if he can help it.

Tight is one thing, not approving of buying fruit for the kids is something else entirely. Eyes open OP. Keep the money quiet and don't spend it.

[FusionChefGeoff]

The relationship you've just described is not how I would describe one that is 'generally good, happy'

[sunflowertulip]

The fact you don't feel able to tell him is concerning as you should be able to explain and choose to spend some how you wish. I've just inherited some money somewhat unexpectedly and I told my husband as soon as I found out, I'd assume most happily married couples would do the same.

[MrsTophamHat]

In my relationship, no I wouldn't hide it because my husband isn't abusive.

Your relationship isn't normal if he is raising eyebrows at you buying strawberries for your children.

[LifesNotEnidBlyton]

@Iggly

You work part time and look after your son and so he works full time for more money

Er the husband benefits from this arrangement - it’s his child too?

You've copied the first bit of a sentence, didn't you read it all? The next bit of the sentence is "so that sounds really normal and equal" .... I.E. his share is the longer working hours and more money and hers is more childcare but works less, it doesn't work if you only take the bit of the sentence and apply your own idea of what I actually said.

[UrsulaBee]

@Grandslam21

I’d say yabu. Why are you keeping it a secret from him? So he’s contributing a fair bit more of his money to your household expenses, but as soon as you come into some money you decide to not only keep the lot to yourself, but to keep it a secret. It would be more understandable if this was a bad relationship and you were keeping it to one side as an escape fund, but you’re planning on pissing a decent chunk of money up the wall

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