Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

If money is that tight why the fuck are you paying for private school?!

Come on OP, post pictures of the restored car you have & the one he wants.

Having curtains and wardrobes is definitely more essential than restoring a car.

A car is every bit as discretionary as "garden finished", you need to come to some agreement, but the discretionary things you want are not inherently better than the discretionary things DH wants.

For me, hobbies are more important than wardrobes, but we don't know all the details.

Shame you can't go back and decide to not waste the money on private school, then doing both would've been easy.

I'd go car, but I like cars

Depends on many factors. Why aren't you working more hours so that you can bring in more money?

If it is 100% a joint decision, fair enough. If however your oh deep inside wished you work more hours and clearn more, but going along because it suits you and makes you happy to work very PT, then it is fair that some of the money he earns should go towards what makes him happy too.

His bonus, his choice.

Just as you are free to gain work to pay for the things you want.

If money is that tight why the fuck are you paying for private school?!

^^ That is our priority.

We can afford schooling, just have to sacrifice things like holidays, curtains and car restorations .

If you can’t afford curtains then the school fees aren’t affordable. At all.

It was a joint decision to be a SAHM, and if I worked more hours we would have to pay for childcare etc.

Is there a reason you can’t work more hours? Do you have preschool DCs too? Private schools around here usually have very good wrap around care, so if all of your DCs are in school I would definitely be thinking about asking for more hours.

Then you can buy curtains & save up for wardrobes yourself.

I’d say that curtains and wardrobes are more important than restoring an old car.

Although given the massive school fees, wouldn’t it be better to save as much of the bonus money as possible in case an unexpected expense like a broken boiler or whatever happens?

If you can’t afford curtains then the school fees aren’t affordable. At all

I'm sure the OP has curtains and somewhere to keep their clothes, I just imagine she wants some many thousands of pounds curtains and wardrobes, rather a couple of hundred quid at ikea.

Interesting mix of comments. The majority view seems to favour the idea that it’s his money so he is entitled to spend it on the car.

I guess I’d been thinking of it as family money, but I appreciate the perspective.

No being able to afford curtains whilst paying school fees and restoring cars is insane.

This sounds like the real issue is you don’t have enough income and you would be better off working more hours. You don’t even have a terms worth of school fees in savings. That is not a good position to be in when you’ve decided on private education that you can’t really afford from the sounds of it.

Up your hours or get a new job and you might not even need to have this conversation.

I was going to say home is more important but the more I read OP I would say that perhaps your DH needs a reward for all his hard work.

Perhaps home items prioritised next time or can you increase your p/t hours.

I'm sure the OP has curtains and somewhere to keep their clothes.

No, I genuinely don’t. Our windows are bare (apart from in DC’s rooms).

It was a joint decision to be a SAHM, and if I worked more hours we would have to pay for childcare etc
It doesn't mean he is happy with the decision now. Do you have children still ft at home?

Interesting mix of comments. The majority view seems to favour the idea that it’s his money so he is entitled to spend it on the car

My DH and I don’t have equal access to each other’s money we retain control over our own finances and whilst we don’t have access to equal amounts of money we both consider the situation fair. I mention this because many on MN balk at our approach but even with my own circs I would absolutely argue in your case his bonus is family money.

OP, the balance of earnings in your household is too skewed. Your staying at home is clearly not compatible with your spending wishes as a household. Family money is all well and good until the higher earner had to start shouldering all the responsibility for no personal reward.

Your priorities are totally off. You can’t afford private school and you can’t afford to be restoring cars.

You need to spending family money on the very basics before you go splashing out.

If you can't afford wardrobes and curtains then you can't afford private school.

Surely the house is a priority? I know school is important but there are excellent la schools she could attend.

Is there a compromise to be had? Wardrobe and curtains, leave the garden for now or do it yourselves and spend some of the money on the car? It does sound a bit ridiculous to have bare windows but private school and to be restoring classic cars...

You seem to be living beyond your means in all areas. Something will have to give.