Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

What about charity shops for curtains? Or ebay? You can find some good quality second hand curtains on eBay if you're willing to put in a bit of time trawling through all the listings.

If the kids are now in school, can you change your ‘small part time job’ for a bigger part-time/full time job? In my experience, private schools offer extensive wraparound care.

Then at least you might be able to put some curtains up.

We have a decent family car, the 2 classic cars are extra

So you have not one, not two, but three cars, pay for your children’s education, yet live like paupers?

Sorry, but I also think that your priorities are skewed. My "poor" DD just went to the local comprehensive school, excelled at GCSE and A levels and is now doing a STEM degree at a well regarded RG university. I doubt very much that she would have done any better had she been privately educated.

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

I’m puzzled by this. Our house has 12 windows and a conservatory, and would not be considered a small house.

@Toomanycars

I'm sure the OP has curtains and somewhere to keep their clothes.

No, I genuinely don’t. Our windows are bare (apart from in DC’s rooms).

I think paying private school fees and restoring old cars is literally bonkers when you have no curtains.

Can you work more hours to bring more money into the household?

People don’t usually refer to themselves as a SAHP when they have a job, do they? Otherwise all parents are SAHP!

@KingdomScrolls

Is there a compromise to be had? Wardrobe and curtains, leave the garden for now or do it yourselves and spend some of the money on the car? It does sound a bit ridiculous to have bare windows but private school and to be restoring classic cars...

It’s not so much “all fur coat and no knickers” as much as “all private school and no curtains”!

If it was a joint decision that he works and you became a SAHM (with part-time job) then all the money earned is joint, so family money.

Having said that, how about a compromise? Half the bonus goes on the car, and half on the house.

I presume if restoring old cars is his hobby, then he isn't going to need the money all upfront - this will be in dribs and drabs over a year or 18months.

I thought this too. But he wants it ‘done by the summer’ and works long hours so I am assuming he’s not going to do the actual work himself which makes it less of a hobby and more of a purchase.

I've just counted the windows here, and we've got 24 too in a four and a half bedroom house!

You've got no savings and you can't afford curtains or wardrobes. I think I'd be worried sick living like this. So many financial commitments. If your husband loses his job you wouldn't even be able to feed yourselves.

Buy good quality curtains and wardrobes second hand from FB marketplace. Do the garden yourself. Enjoy the one restored car you have and don't waste £5000 restoring the other. Surely a car restoring hobby is about doing a lot of the work yourself and saving money? Save the money for a rainy day or something tangible that you can all enjoy.

Gosh, you pay school fees but can’t afford basics like wardrobes or curtains?

If he’s at private school wrap around care will be available, and you can find child care for the holidays. Why don’t you get a job, contribute financially then you can have both the basics for living as well as the schooling?

I think the REAL issue here is that you are both scrambling to spend the little savings you have!! It needs to be saved!!

Have you got an emergency fund OP?
Have you got investments to fall back on?

If the shit hits the fan 5k and a classic car aren't much of a help to be honest!!

@Clymene

You've got no savings and you can't afford curtains or wardrobes. I think I'd be worried sick living like this. So many financial commitments. If your husband loses his job you wouldn't even be able to feed yourselves.

Indeed I would be living in an almost permanent state of terror at the thought of anything going wrong.

To answer a couple of questions:

DC are primary age.

Our house was semi derelict when we bought it. Any curtains left were mouldy rags and binned.

I’ve looked on eBay for curtains but the sizes are awkward. I have always been outbid on ones that will fit.

@BackforGood The garden is a building site with no proper drive. If we could get building rubble removed and it turfed, I would consider it finished.

The car would not take 18 months to finish, DH has been quoted 2 months.

@sirfredfredgeorge

24 windows but not a big house 😂

I don't understand how you can afford private school for 2 dc but not curtains. I genuinely don't get it.

The car would not take 18 months to finish, DH has been quoted 2 months.

People are assuming his ‘hobby’ is doing up the classic cars himself, tinkering about in the garage to destress from his long-hours job.

But actually he’s just purchasing a classic car for £5K. When he’s already got one in the garage.

Whilst your garden is full of rubble and most rooms in your house have no curtains.

I mean - really?

Get a quote for the garden.

Cost up the curtains for the rooms you use most.

Cost up wardrobes.

Look at your overall month-to-month budget to see how you can save money.

Tell him the car is a next year possibility, not a this year spend.

You get IKEA curtains for bedrooms, as summer will mean you can't sleep as too light.
You ask DH to sort the garden the garden do you can ALL use it this summer.
He gets less money for the cars and makes the cars road safe and usable, and you promise to cut back and save more.
Also increase your hours during school time, use that money to finish the house.

Do half and half? All basic rooms like yours and DC should be finished but a guest room can wait.

Any spare cash he can use to do part of his car restoration. Then end of year or even next year you finish off the house and he can finish off the car?

Private school fees for primary school when you don’t have curtains? I could see for secondary perhaps if you think they need the exam help but primary school private education when you can’t afford it just seems silly.

Don't worry OP soon your DC will be educated enough to see how shit your decision making is!! Maybe they can give you advice then??

I suggest you pop off to IKEA for both curtains and windows or look at Blinds2 go online ... for the windows that need them so bedrooms bathrooms and main living area . Get a skip and clear and turf the garden yourself . Work out a longer timescale to sort out the car

"The car would not take 18 months to finish, DH has been quoted 2 months."

So DH hobby is to pay someone else to restore his classic car?

You can't afford private school really, not if it means living in a dilapidated home, with only £5k of rainy day savings. If dh lost his job or became ill how would you pay the fees?

In terms of your specific question - I would prioritise a nice family home over renovating a second hobby-car.

But if I was your dh I would be feeling a bit resentful about the fact that I was funding all of this and had no spare cash.