Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

Buy yourself a sewing machine, go on YouTube, make curtains yourself?

I'm worried that if you aren't saving considerably now, how are you going to afford more expensive secondary fees in a few years. Also, what if your DH lost his job? (Unless the hope is state grammar school, but what if one or more doesn't pass the entrance?)

That said, I would prioritise curtains over a classic car hobby.

OP, I can’t bring myself to mock you like some posters but Jesus wept, you must see how arse about face you have this?

It really smacks of trying to keep up with a set of people (other school parents perhaps?) by having classic cars and the like, but your home sounds like an absolute shambles.

Something has to give and spending thousands on another classic car (status symbol) that your husband isn’t even working in as a project (I restore cars as a hobby with my dad and those who buy ready made projects cannot in all honesty call themselves hobbyists, they’re wannabes) is completely insane.

They also have very long holidays.
I have looked into increasing hours, but DH works such long hours it isn’t practical.

Ah yes the " my husbands job is more important than my ultimate happiness" argument...🙌 well done OP...well done!

@Blimeyoreilleystrews

Buy yourself a sewing machine, go on YouTube, make curtains yourself?

This is what I was thinking. Curtains are a no-brainer.

If he restored car A last year he should enjoy that for this summer and plan towards car B in the future, maybe setting up a saving fund to pay for it.

Of course you need curtains and turf, your restoration isn’t complete. Get them done.

Can’t there b3 compromise and a bit of money on the house and some on his hobby? Surely it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

You need a full-time job. If you have only £5000 savings, you have almost no buffer in case of emergencies/illness to cover those school fees. Curtains don't really matter.

I'd say let your husband enjoy his hobby. It's been a hard year

So yet another poster who wants x to happen but isn’t prepared to do anything that will enable x to happen.

I disagree that it’s his bonus so his choice. Dh and I have made a decision for me to take a lower paid job, that fits in better with the dc and I have taken on the majority of household tasks because I work less hours. So i am enabling Dh to have a better paid job because he doesn’t have to worry about childcare. If Dh got a bonus it would go directly in to the family money pot and we would use it for something to benefit us. That doesn’t mean that he would never get to spend it on his hobby (although I’m not sure paying someone else to do up your classic car is a hobby, it’s paying someone else to do a job) but that we would consider what was best for everyone at that time. And curtains would feature really highly on that list! As would a safe and appropriate garden for us all to enjoy. I think your Dh is a bit of a wanker to prioritise 2 classic cars over his children having a place to play outside.

I’ve just mentioned this thread to Dh and my dd, That the op doesn’t have wardrobes and dd, who prefers to use a ‘floordrobe’ Asked where you keep clothes, so even Though she doesn’t like to use them, she sees them As pretty essential.

Can't half the money go on his car and half go on the house? I think that's fair.

You don’t have enough savings. The money shouldn’t go on cars or gardens. Part of it should be saved, and part used for curtains.

OP when DS started at his private school aged 8 his fees plus X's were about £8500, when he was 18 in 2013 they were £20k. Have you factored in the likely increases.

You need to work full-time to even this up. Au-pair?

House !! He’s already done one car up it’s the houses turn to have a treat 😀 x

Total unnecessary comment, dripping of envy.

Going to question you on this: why would I be jealous of a person who can't use a calculator?

Two children in private primary school, two classic cars and no curtains?

I am baffled that you think this is normal. Also baffled as to private primary school if I’m honest, and how you reckon you’ll cover secondary school.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, that is, a bunch of strangers can't really call it.

There's a huge difference between, for example, one partner being financially abused while the other indulges their hobbies, and a couple agreeing different priorities that might favour one over the other at various times.

DH, me and our 3 children live in a Victorian house we've been progressively renovating. The kids have everything they need now, well beyond basic needs, with finished bedrooms, a playroom, plenty of garden toys etc. Bathrooms are done. But many other rooms still need significant work, and the house definitely isn't sellable in its current state due to issues with plot boundaries -major landscaping work needed.

At the moment, we are prioritising our spare cash into my hobby. It's an expensive hobby. All in, once set up, we'll probably have spent around 6K over 12 months on it...and it's just for me.

But we talked about it and agreed this. It follows years where we've prioritised the house, and an equally expensive hobby of his. It's been about finding the balance between the delayed gratification of finishing the house and living a little in the here and now.

Someone would have to look at the whole plan over years to see that balance -right now it just looks like I am taking the piss. But when my things are sorted, we'll go back to prioritising the house for a while.

I think the key is agreeing that the shared goal -the house- is at a basic level that is acceptable to everyone. That might take some discussion, if you are feeling that curtains need to be sorted first.

I am not going to comment on Private school vs curtains as clearly that’s ridiculous but I do think you dont have enough in savings.
We have 1 years fees for our dc in a separate account at all times so they don’t have to leave if we hit a rocky financial patch . If anything goes wrong you are right to the wire and you will be faced with finding a new school for your dc, avoiding that is most certainly more important than restoring a bloody car/cats

Cars I mean, not cats

You don't have to curtain the whole house in one go - but to not have curtains in your bedroom or (main) living room / where you watch TV seems ridiculous. (I would also add any windows that are overlooked by the street / nosy neighbours but I imagine in a house big enough to have 24 windows you also have quite a bit of land!)

Not every window needs a curtain. We have 5 in our kitchen and none has curtains.

I’m assuming neither of the cars are needed for day to day transport. Long hours and a demanding job usually make it hard for the OH to do much in terms of part time work - although as others have said private schools tend to have good wrap around care. I have to say that £5k is not much in the scheme of things but I would be spending it on the house.

DH and I decided that affording private school meant having at least a years fees in savings. We opted for spending the money on a full range of extra-curricular activities to supplement state school learning.

Let your husband fix his cars, he works hard and it's his only hobby. Curtains aren't that important, you can fix something temporary up, ie from charity shop, IKEA etc until you can afford what you want.

I would choose car restoration. You should have budgeted properly for the cost of curtains/garden etc when costing the renovation at the start of the project and factored in adequate contingency. You say he works hard so he should use his bonus to enjoy his hobby.

Have a look at the clearance section on Next. I got lovely lined full length curtains for £25.