Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

Saw your post saying you have a family car and these are hobby classic cars.
Sounds to me as though it’s too expensive a hobby right now given all of the sacrifices you are making for school fees - there is t enough to include classic car restoration over and above curtains and savings and holidays surely? Finish the house. See if the second restoration can be mothballed then call ‘car so’s’ to do it !?

This is my childhood. My parents prioritised private education over everything else. There was never any money for "stuff" (which was things like a TV that worked rather than the series of 2nd hand ones that my dad bought from the junk shop; and more than 3 sets of casual clothes). My dad worked all hours and he and my mother (also a SAHM with very part time job) argued over money all the time which we were supposed to pretend not to notice.

OP has asked for comments on her original question only. I find it impossible to answer because, on the one hand basic home furnishings sounds more essential, but on the other hand, OP doesn't seem to consider that curtains and wardrobes are essential and therefore no reason to give them higher priority than doing up the car. I'd also argue that a bonus should be considered as "extra" money - so spending at least some of it on something frivolous is fine.

The thing that does need priority is an overhaul of the couple's finances and joint priorities. They seem to be very precariously situation financially.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood
The OP clearly says she has a part time job.

The kids are in school most of the year and at private school too which is on longer into the evening.

This is not my experience. Private schools also tend to have longer school holidays, when holiday clubs are not running.

Finishing the house would be more important than restoring a car. I'd really want curtains up at the windows - for insulation, privacy and it looks nicer. Just a thought: do you have access to a sewing machine? You could make your own and save yourself some money.

Private schools have longer holidays, and in any event, wrap around after school care isn't free! Any additional money OP would make would go on the wrap around care

Why would “any additional money” all go on childcare? Has she no skills/ training in anything at all that to enable her to earn more than wraparound childcare costs? If not, could she not be retraining in her days whilst children are at school? Why just sit around like a damsel in distress with no curtains and overthinking what her husband does with the bonus?

Op described herself as a SAHM. I acknowledge she has a part time job also. My comments are unaffected.

I think your finances are very close to the bone OP. Its highly unlikely you will want to pull your kids out of private school. We completed a major re furb, hundreds of thousands pounds and still didnt have the window dressings I wanted I had cheap IKEA curtains until we had the spare cash.

I only have 5 windows!

Several of our windows are about 8' wide. IKEA curtains are narrow and long. Two we found something great at a nearby independent curtain shop (no online presence, so useless right now), one we found something suitable at dunelm and one is a weird depth so still has the moth eaten curtains that were at one of the wide windows when we moved in up. I shall probably make my own curtains for that space, when I decide what I would like, but it would cost a hell of a lot more than £50.

Another is a bay with knackered IKEA venetian blinds up. They're dark, vile and dust magnets and only still there because the only things we've seen that would be an improvement would cost at least £500.

So I can understand op still having some bare windows particularly given the past year.

@pickachew we have big (3m wide and almost 3m high) windows and have had curtains made to measure for a few hundred, but have considered sewing two IKEA curtains together. Quite a few houses round here seem to do it.

This thread is INSANE?

OP asks a simple question: fairly standard stuff for the house vs unnecessary expenditure on a hobby (that husband already has one of).
Cue: pile-on about school fees, savings, pensions and an implication that the OP is a lazy arse.
OP, I think you've been very gracious under fire! (do the curtains!)

@CallmeHendricks

This thread is INSANE?

OP asks a simple question: fairly standard stuff for the house vs unnecessary expenditure on a hobby (that husband already has one of).
Cue: pile-on about school fees, savings, pensions and an implication that the OP is a lazy arse.
OP, I think you've been very gracious under fire! (do the curtains!)

This! You are so so right @CallmeHendricks.

IMHO - You need to ignore circa 99% of this thread OP. Hope you and your hubby find a solution you can both be happy with.

Just to add we have no curtains in several rooms, through choice - oh the shame, our poor children !!! 😂

I think the OP has moved on.
The thread is amusing.
I am also a SAHM, with two children at Indy schools, without beautiful curtains in principle reception room, after a £££££ refurb.
We are not discussing what to do with DHs bonus though, and, although the youngest car is 11 years old, we don't go in for classic car restoration. (They are well looked after though)
I feel me & OP ought to be having coffee :D