Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

@NoSquirrels

Why are people arguing that he should spend £4-5K on a second car when they have very little in savings, only one working adult, several DC at private school and no curtains?

Working hard doesn’t mean he should also make crap decisions about money.

£5K is great, but it’s not life-changing. If the car will be worth £10K after and he intends to sell it then fine. Otherwise it’s a super expensive hobby he can’t afford at this point in his life.

I'm definitely not saying this but I see how my post might indicate I am.

I think it's all crap and they need to change many things to sort it out. I just don't think it's right to lay blame at the door of the only person earning. Earning so much that OP gets to stay at home while her children go to private school.

I can see both sides here. If your DH works long hours to support the family he understandably wants hobbies. However house essentials are well, essential.

IMO you either need to work more or you need to ditch the school fees. A comfortable home, hobbies etc are more important.

I just don't think it's right to lay blame at the door of the only person earning. Earning so much that OP gets to stay at home while her children go to private school.

Yep, agreed. But in the short term spending £5K on the car is bonkers. And as he’s only ‘suggested’ it he probably knows that too.

It all sounds very out of whack. We don’t have much in savings, could do with spending money on curtains & house jobs and don’t have 2x DC in private school. It’d be a straight no to my DH or me spending anything like that amount on a hobby if we couldn’t afford to save anything month to month. It could all crash down so easily and neither posh curtains or a classic car would help then.

It looks the husband is doing his bit, he can’t be blames for wanting to spend some money on his hobby. OP seems to want to stay at home and send the child to private school and make decisions on spare money. OP, either you contribute financially or cut your cloth.

Why are people arguing that he should spend £4-5K on a second car when they have very little in savings, only one working adult, several DC at private school and no curtains?

I'm going to bet it's the 4th car.

You only have £5000 savings. That's not enough, especially with your high school fees. What about contingency money in case your DH loses his job? I would keep the bonus as savings and not spend any of it on the house or car (although buy some cheap curtains with it, they're only around£50 per window).

I would also be questioning that if you can't afford to build up decent savings, and can't afford to buy curtains then why are you prioritising school fees? I get sacrificing holidays and expensive activities for it but to not even be able to afford curtains or have a bank of actual savings doesn't sound very sensible to me.

If you have £5000 in savings why can't you buy curtains out of That?

Do you require curtains made of gold?

BTW, I do personally think spending the money on the car may well be completely crazy, but it's just not completely clear cut that it's crazy, money is clearly not really a problem for them, the OP just has a different idea on what their large discretionary money should be spent on to their DH.

It's discretionary though clearly.

There's got to be room for compromise. Presumably each of you view what the other one wants as a frivolity so meet half way and get some work done on the car this year and fit curtains to some of the rooms.

You need to save a year's worth of living expenses first.. You can get some lovely curtains at Ikea for about £20 and a hanging rail for your clothes for a tenner.

More money than sense springs to mind...

Let's face it guys, op is just here to brag at how much she has. I'm not sure I'd be bragging though at the obvious issue that neither her nor her husband can use a calculator. Guess that's why private school is needed.

@DdraigGoch That’s how we feel about it.

@StormcloakNord Come on now guys, state schools just wouldn't be good enough for OP. Thanks for your views, I finished my education a long time ago .

@activitythree
I do work. Please read my OP.

I take on board the comments about being bad with money, I’m aware this is a problem and am trying to rein it in. We have a decent family car, the 2 classic cars are extra.

We have 24 windows (despite it not being a huge house), so I think we’d struggle curtaining them all for £1k.

We have 24 windows (despite it not being a huge house), so I think we’d struggle curtaining them all for £1k.

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

I genuinely think you need to reconsider all your finances given how little savings you have. If you DH lost his job tomorrow you'd be 100% totally fucked.

@ClarkeGriffin

More money than sense springs to mind...

Let's face it guys, op is just here to brag at how much she has. I'm not sure I'd be bragging though at the obvious issue that neither her nor her husband can use a calculator. Guess that's why private school is needed.

Total unnecessary comment, dripping of envy.

Where do you store your clothes currently if you don’t have wardrobes?
You can get very cheap (and sometimes very good quality) curtains, and wardrobes from charity shops, when they reopen. Some places - I think the British Heart Foundation is one - specifically have furniture shops.
Or, as PPs have said, IKEA should kit you out cheaply enough.

What are the school fees per year?
I’m a bit baffled at prioritising private school fees, when you haven’t got curtains or wardrobes, and minimal savings.

How long do you intend to be a SAHP for. As the obvious way to increase your savings would be for you to go back to work. Esp if your kids are at secondary school.

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

Greenhouse.

What happens to the cars once they are restored and how long does that take? Does he sell them for many time what he paid+spent on restoration? Or do they then sit in a garage looking pretty?

If you work more hours, yes it means more childcare but for you it also means more pension, more experience, more likely to be able to get promoted/better paying job and less financial worries.

BTW I would absolutely prioritise anything house related that will improve your living conditions, which affects all of you, over a hobby.

Is it a case of cant afford any curtains or wardrobes or just cant afford new ones?
I would look for second hand curtains and wardrobes but Id also be pretty cross if dp was restoring a second car especially as you rarely get the money back on them when they are sold.

@sirfredfredgeorge

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

Greenhouse.

• sorry, I missed your part-time job. Either increase your hours. Or look for a full-time job (not easy given the current climate, I know, but there are jobs out there).

@sirfredfredgeorge

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

Greenhouse.

touché

House over car

I do work. Please read my OP.

Apologies. You did say you had a part time job. Unfortunately the first part of that sentence said you were a SAHM which is why I, and many others, simply just took that information.

A car is every bit as discretionary as "garden finished", you need to come to some agreement, but the discretionary things you want are not inherently better than the discretionary things DH wants.

For me, hobbies are more important than wardrobes, but we don't know all the details.

Shame you can't go back and decide to not waste the money on private school, then doing both would've been easy

This ^

YAB ridiculous.
I find it hard to believe that you are living in a HUGE house (I though my house was big but don't have anywhere near 24 windows) that didn't come with any window coverings. Was it a new build ? If not then presumably most windows would have been left with some covering.
If you really are - then get yourself to the charity shops. There are always curtains available.
Ditto wardrobes. Or, Facebook selling pages or e-bay. I'm in a couple of local groups where people give things away for free.
You seriously do not need to be without wardrobes.

A garden is never 'finished'.

I presume if restoring old cars is his hobby, then he isn't going to need the money all upfront - this will be in dribs and drabs over a year or 18months. There is absolutely no need for this to be an either or situation.
You are being ridiculous and dramatic.

Even if you both consider the other’s spending choice to be frivolity, £5K on a SECOND classic car when you only have £5K in savings and 2xDC at private school and in effect only one wage to pay for that is not sensible at all. Nor would £5K on curtains and wardrobes be sensible either. But at least you wouldn’t be living in an under-furnished house while there were 2x classic cars in the garage.