Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

@sirfredfredgeorge

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

Greenhouse.

Actually laughed out loud at this

There you go - 28 [windows] and not a stately home just a substantial arts and crafts house.

You know, just your normal substantial arts and crafts house, like everyone has! 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, drawing room, dressing room, boot room, utility room, family room..............
Jezus this IS a stately home to most of us. Some people have so much privilege they don't even realise how many of us live (eg flats).

@LalalalalalaLand123

There you go - 28 [windows] and not a stately home just a substantial arts and crafts house.

You know, just your normal substantial arts and crafts house, like everyone has! 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, drawing room, dressing room, boot room, utility room, family room..............
Jezus this IS a stately home to most of us. Some people have so much privilege they don't even realise how many of us live (eg flats).

It was just a straightforward shooting weekend...

Oh I think I do @LalalalalalaLand123. I had most wonderful years in a flat and then a tiny three bedroom terrace.

I fully appreciate how many people live in flats. I also, thanks to this thread, now know how many windows I have and how much the bastard curtains have cost

Given your DH has 2 classic cars and your savings aren't great (no offence but with private school you would be lucky to cover 2 months outgoings) I would buy curtains then stick the rest into savings and give yourselves a more reasonable buffer......

We aren't far away from a long recession which will do God knows what to the job market. Personally I would want to know that I had savings to keep a roof over my families head then do up another classic car!

I'm just repeating what 95% of posters are saying: the private school fees are your main issue here and you are living beyond your means. This isn't what you believe or what you want to hear but those are the facts.

You don't have the financial resources to have basic household needs met and clearly don't have any savings as you are living paycheque to paycheque.

You need to work more hours or lose the private school is what is comes down to, not getting your curtains or your DH's hobby. These are simply the outcomes of one of the above. You need curtains but if your dh works hard and long hours, then he's entitled to a hobby. It sounds an expensive one and I feel confident in suggesting that he doesn't understand or believe that you're living beyond your means either.

Private schools are fantastic for some and for others they are just an expensive place to be educated.

I think there is a clash of priorities here.

Having been to independent schools I can absolutely say that they are much much better in terms of facilities and outcomes. Anyone suggesting otherwise is in denial and should check the average leaving qualifications of state vs private.

(My children are in state schools but I absolutely wouldn't hesitate to cut back on furniture or curtains temporarily if if enabled me to send them to a good independent school).

Re the bonus, I do think this is family money (like your DH's salary) and should go on family priorities. Just because it only comes once a year doesn't make it a special treat for your DH and not for you all.

If he gets a reasonable bonus every year he wil soon be able to do up the second car - but it gets harder to live without curtains in the summer, and wardrobes also seem much more essential!

Or you could suggest he sells the first classic car in order to fund doing up the second.

He clearly needs to sell at least one of these cars!

Of course the priority should be curtains, wardrobes and savings. Not doing up bloody cars!

@Toomanycars

I'm sure the OP has curtains and somewhere to keep their clothes.

No, I genuinely don’t. Our windows are bare (apart from in DC’s rooms).

Why would you prioritise anything over a comfortable home?

If you are struggling to pay school fees, how on earth will you pay for your other child/ren?

It sounds like you have lots of lovely things (rubbly garden, no wardrobes and bare windows aside) but you have absolutely no savings. Well, £5k. But that’s nothing. How long would that pay your bills/buy food/pay fees etc if your H lost his job?

I think if you take nothing from this thread, I hope you think about sticking that bonus into an account and start to build up a safety net/nest egg/retirement pot.

Thanks everyone.

Just to clarify, we’ve recently bought and (nearly) completely renovated a family home, so our saving position is at an all time low. Mainly as we had to resolve unforeseen structural issues. Until now, our savings were quite healthy.

We can cover school fees and monthly outgoings out of salary with a little left over. It is DH’s bonus payments that make a big financial difference. With this I wanted to finish the house and replenish savings, instead of doing up the other car.

My question was what was fair in our current circumstances.

This thread has been really helpful in convincing me of the need to have more of a financial buffer, and I think we’ll prioritise saving. We’ll leave curtains, wardrobes and car restoration until we’re more comfortable.

To satisfy curiosity - we use a basic hanging rail for clothes.

If you are struggling to pay school fees, how on earth will you pay for your other child/ren?
We don’t plan to have any more DC.

Private school...absolutely valid choice. Had my world been different, I'd have loved to do this for my kids. It sounds like you both work well as a team and you live your lives in a content and mutually agreed way. Nothing at all wrong with that.

As for car or house, house finished first so you are all cosy, happy and relaxed in your lovely home, then the whole of the future is for fun stuff like cars, holidays and hobbies. Sounds like you have an amazing future ahead of you all!

"If you are struggling to pay school fees, how on earth will you pay for your other child/ren?
We don’t plan to have any more DC."

which is fine. but how are you going to afford the increase in fees as they move up to secondary/sixthform etc?

We’ll leave curtains, wardrobes and car restoration until we’re more comfortable.

Curtains and wardrobes are a basic. You should have them. Car restoration is not. Why you think they belong in the same category is beyond me

Or you could work more and buy the children curtains and a wardrobe. Why would you not? They are in school so no reason not too.

A car is much more fun than curtains and wardrobes. Presumably you get a lot of time to yourself when DC is at school and DH is working. Given you have stated school fees and your SAH status are both non-negotiable then I think he gets to do his car. Given that’s his only hobby.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Or you could work more and buy the children curtains and a wardrobe. Why would you not? They are in school so no reason not too.

Because her husband should provide, clearly. Otherwise, there's no point in him flogging himself half to death, is there?

If money is so tight why don’t you get a job? I’d be incandescent if DH forbade me from indulging my whims when I’d been the one earning the money

I would be embarrassed if I were you to be at home, with one school aged child, arguing about my husband doing up his car. Truly. It’s jaw droppingly awful.

Why don’t you just work more and buy some wardrobes and curtains? Why should your husband work all hours and then you tell him how to spend money? Saying it’s family money is interesting, is he not part of the family too? How does he relax? You must have masses of time when the kids are in school every day - find a way of earning more money to help the family.

House is more important.

But - why don’t you go and get a full time job? You clearly can’t afford private school and the lifestyle you want.

No way I’d pay for private school but not be able to afford curtains

@VestaTilley

House is more important.

But - why don’t you go and get a full time job? You clearly can’t afford private school and the lifestyle you want.

No way I’d pay for private school but not be able to afford curtains

How do you imagine the OP hasn't thought of this she covers this point upthread that her DH's working hours means that working more wouldn't cover the cost of childcare.

Sorry but even a minimum wage job would pay more than it would cost for holiday club each year. The kids are in school most of the year and at private school too which is on longer into the evening. It’s excuses, she wants a certain lifestyle but hasn’t got any curtains- madness.

Off topic but just had to count my windows, 18 I think!